(Closed) Work Vs Babies? What should come first after marriage! Really need advice!

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Are you planning on being a SAHM? The reason I ask because if not it doesn’t matter who makes more, the combined total is really the only important factor.

Maybe your husband is just scared too. Or he may not have the desire to work more hours at a more stressful job but thinks he has to in order for you guys to have a family and therefore is pushing off the idea to have kids.

Post # 6
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I suppose it depends on what matters in your relationship… is it a bigger house, nicer cars, eating out often?  Or are you okay with scaling back and not having a new car as often?

If you’re the primary breadwinner in the relationship, then there will be a TON of changes in the dynamic of your relationship.  You’ll no longer be able to spend ‘your’ money for things you might want, you’ll not be able to afford the things you’re used to having, and on top of all of that… you’ll have more expenses with a baby.

I think it sounds like you and your hubby need to have a serious discussion about your priorities and goals, and then decide.

Post # 7
Member
5389 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@farrahfay: Welcome to Weddingbee! I was always told that there is not a time that is considered the “best”. Something will always come up. I would just start saving money up and ask your hubby to try to get the job that he wants to apply for before you try. Maybe he would feel better about it then. 

I am considering TTC before I begin my career so that I wouldn’t have to worry about maternity leave. We are still debating about that now. 

Post # 8
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ohh I see. That’s awesome though that you get to take maternity leave for a year and will get $400 a week. I am entitled to 4 weeks at 60% lol. I do know with me an DH that I plan to be a SAHM, however I make a little more money and carry the health insurance. DH has really been stepping up his game to continue growing his company so we can try for a baby soon. He is as stressed as I am. Your husband might be more worried about what that means for him and his life once a baby enters the picture.

Maybe you could try talking to him about your budget and what you can cut and what you are willing to live without. A little reasurance that you don’t need the best of everything might help make his mind at ease a little.

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We make the same amount of money. Can I ask – if you make a lot of money, why do you have credit card debt? I think being able to pay only cash for things is an important step for establishing a healthy nest egg. That interest you are paying for no reason is only eating away at money that would otherwise be earning compound interest for you.

If you have a sizeable nest egg, a house, and are stable, then yes, a baby is a good idea. I would not do it with debt, however (outside of house/car)

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is something you and your DH need to talk about and get on the same page. Like Trugem mentioned, there is never a good time. Even if you have all the money in the world, a baby means giving up other things, your lives will be turned upside down, but hopefully in a good way. It sounds like your husband might not be ready to make these sacrifices yet, but the fact that he’s considering the amount of money you eventually need to be making when the baby comes means the wheels are turning in the right direction.

Hopefully one day he will be ready to talk about it and set some goals. Good luck!

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