- 6 years ago
I am looking for some really straightforward objective advice on something that I view as a potential issue in my relationship, but I’m not sure how significant of an issue it is. But other than this one issue, we really don’t have any problems. Here’s the basic background of my relationship: Fiance is always kind, respectful and affectionate with me. I always feel loved when I’m with him and he is always senstiive to my feelings. From the beginning, I have always known how ambitious he is and that is something I admire about him. He is super dedicated to his career and given that he is a physican, I understand that it is a big part of his life. Initially, I found it to be a good thing that he worked a lot since I do like my private time.
However, over time he has increased his work load–mostly doing shifts that pay extra money because he says he wants to save up for us, which I understand. But it has come to a point where he works EVERY day of the week–including weekends. And we see each other maybe 3-4 times a week for a total of maybe 2 hours each time. If I express to him that I want to spend more time together, he tells me that he’s doing all this work for us and our future. And if he sees that I really am upset he does make more effort to spend time with me–but that is temporary and he always goes back to working extra hard. He does call me a few times a day while at work–but the conversation is always brief because he has SO much to do.
It makes me wonder if after we’re married I’ll be spending my weekends all alone–which is what I do now. We don’t live together right now so I don’t feel his absence as much–but I know myself enough to know that if he were to work this much after we start living together I would feel very alone.
I don’t know what to do. Part of the reason I feel so lonely is because I really don’t have any friends. I also don’t have any hobbies. So, if I keep myself busy then I don’t feel so lonely. But I wonder sometimes because I see my brother and his fiance and they spend every waking hour together–it makes me think like something is wrong with my relationship. I start to wonder if Fiance is working extra hard to just get away from me, versus make money. But then again, his last gf broke things off because she said he worked too much–so maybe it has nothing to do with me.
I love him with all my heart. But I do feel a million miles away from him sometimes.
I have expressed to him over and over how much I want to spend more time with him–but ultimately I realize this is just who he is as a person and I can’t change him. I know he loves me, but he also loves his career.
So my question is–do I just accept the situation as it is and work on myself and finding friends/hobbies? Or do I actively work to change the way things are with us because this could grow into a big problem?