Workmate constantly fishes for compliments and attention

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@Grafton86:  Judging by her reaction to your concern, something is definitely wrong. (I would have done the same, asked nicely like that.). Maybe she has insecurities about getting married…?

You are being super sweet to check on her, but I think you made your point and she knows you’re concerned. I guess she’ll have to work through this on her own…? 

Post # 4
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Grafton86:  Weird. Had you not already talked to her, I would’ve suggested it. I would have done the EXACT same thing you did, especially since you have worked together for a long time and usually have a rapport.

Is it possible you guys don’t have as much in common anymore? Is it possible she’s gotten bored with the work situation and that’s why she’s acting strangely?

Or maybe that new promotion is more stressful than she thought it would be? Actually, that makes sense. Lower confidence, acting like “Miss Thang”, not telling you what it is… Might be work related.

I think your plan of trying to let it blow over is good. Maybe it can deescalate.

Post # 5
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Grafton86:  Not being very helpful; just wanted to share an amusing scenario that popped into my head.

Kelly: Ugh. I’m so ugly.

You: Cool. / Yeah. WTF happened, you look like shit.

XD

Post # 6
Member
211 posts
Helper bee

@ksus07:  hahaha. Do it, OP! Lol!

Post # 7
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard

I don’t think you crossed the line. her change in personality and digging for compliments was like a cry for help, but maybe on a subconscious level. so perhaps even she didn’t realize she was reaching out. 

maybe butt out for now, but keep a positive attitude around her? don’t feel bad for saying something, you were just trying to be a friend. if she wants to talk she can approach you. 

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Grafton86:  Well, I suppose it’s possible her husband is an emotionally abusive jerk.  Or maybe someone in her life is. I do find it odd that her response to you was to get defensive and tell you to “butt out” rather than a simple “no” if things were fine.

It’s also possible she has become vain. This seems to happen to a lot of newly married young women who suddenly feel they have the world by the tail. You thinking her life wasn’t perfect may have sent her around the bend resulting in the subsequent snit.  Her remarks about her purses were just downright obnoxious. 

Or, it’s possible she really is insecure deep down. If you get tired of having to supply compliments on demand, then try to empathize. If she talks about how fat she is, reply you’ve been thinking of hitting the gym more yourself – things like that. If you don’t supply her compliment fix, she’ll eventually look for them elsewhere.

Post # 9
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

@ksus07:  My thoughts exactly lol. 

Post # 10
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

@Grafton86:  She isn’t just your colleague, but a friend you’ve hung out with outside of work. I think it was a nice gesture to ask her how everything is going and showing concern. Clearly she isn’t ready to talk about it yet. Try not to take her behaviour personally – it’s something she is dealing with and is no reflection on you. 

@Zhabeego:  +1. I’d stop enabling the compliments, too. Your suggestion of how to handle the situation is a good one. 

Post # 11
Member
7282 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No you weren’t wrong because if have developed a friendship outside of the office, thats what friends show concern. Clearly something is wrong because she overreacted. But if she doesnt want to talk about or isnt ready to thats her right. But in general I hate compliment fishers. I just don’t give in, I will just give you a look like 😐 really????? I dont have the patience for insecure people.

 

Post # 13
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Grafton86:  @Yak:  @atreyu547:  Haha. Happy to bring a smile to your face! But in all seriousness, I had a friend like this. She really was a nice person; she was always so generous and kind and gentle but she had image issues with herself. I have no idea why; she was always the “perfect” looking one – the one the guys always asked the time for (and then she’d turn to me and ask because I was the geeky one who always wore a watch!) Ouch.

But yeah. It was always “Yeah. I look like a fatty” or “I hate my face” or something stupid like that, when she was a healthy weight, physically evenly proportioned (my wide hips and short legs, I’m looking at YOU) and so pretty!!! It eventually came to a point where I just didn’t care any more and would just roll my eyes at her. Made sure she saw me, too.

Post # 14
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

@ksus07:  ha she sounds like my former BFF! Except for the watch part. :p

her: I’m so fat!! (She was a size 1)

me: …

guy friend: you are!

I thought our guy friend was going to compliment her so I started laughing when he said that, though she did too. 

Post # 15
Member
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

@Grafton86:  Something’s up for sure.

I’m going to guess that she may be depressed. I have a coworker who also fishes for compliments/sentiment and it really drives me crazy. But I know she’s depressed, so I’m assuming she does it in hopes of feeling better.

Post # 16
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

@Grafton86:  your husband’s explanation sounds right on.  People who like attention have a hard time with a sudden change in how much they’re getting.  Hopefully she’ll level out soon! 

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