- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
So I haven’t spoken to my FMIL in a year and half. Had a “fight”, meaning she sent mean rude things that made no sense to my FI after Thanksgiving. After several days of email fighting he told her he wouldn’t speak to her until she spoke with me. I refused to drive several hours to go to her house and said she had to come to our place (she’s only been to our house once in 7 years of dating, we always go to hers). She refused. She wanted us to have a “family” meeting with her, her husband, and her son that lived in another country. I said no. She sent a few guilt tripy notes that my FI never responded to. She’s still married to her husband and FI stayed in touch with his dad.
About 2 months ago both FMIL and FFIL both drove to our city to meet with my FI. I refused to meet with them because she was still refusing to meet with me without both her husband and my FI present. It finally came out that my Future Brother in Law’s GF told FMIL that I said I thought she was an alcoholic (apparently what REALLY caused her to send the mean email years ago). Truthfully I said something along those lines, but more accurately I said I was worried because her husband traveled a lot, she was alone a lot, and I did notice her drinking to be frequent (every social gathering no matter the time of day). I said it to explain some of her behavior with her other son when his GF asked me. So I guess brother’s GF thought she was being helpful by telling her and maybe asking her to stop drinking (even though she promised not to say anything 😛 ). Who knows. Anyway brother’s GF is now the ex-GF which has nothing to do with what happened with his mother. I’ve not said anything to her because she means well and things apparently always fall out of her mouth.
So, now my FI and his parents are talking, though infrequent. They have never been close. However, he wants them at the wedding/rehearsal dinner. He’s not hard set on it at all, so if I said I didn’t want his parents there, they wouldn’t be invited. But I’d rather not ban them from the wedding.
I’ve been angry for years. It will be two years by the October wedding. I could have talked it out calmly with her the first year… but she has no intention of EVER working it out with me. Not sure how to handle seeing her at the rehearsal dinner or the wedding. I don’t plan on fake hugging and I really don’t want her to touch me. I know I can surround myself with people that will act as buffers, basically physically and emotionally because they know what is up. But I’m nervous that I will lose my temper or she will try to “work it out” AT the wedding. I think she will want to be fake nice and I seriously don’t do fake well… I’m tried about worrying about a mean person who doesn’t give a shit about me.
Advice? Should I try to contact her before the wedding? She won’t meet with me. I know it’s a bad idea to go to her place. If I write her an email she will write back with “we this” and “We that” without even telling her husband she is speaking for him. I’m trying to be reasonable and allow her to come to the wedding but sometimes I think that’s a bad idea too… like a disaster waiting to happen.
NOTE: We are paying for everything.