Post # 1
ok so my FI has a good credit score. But something seems off. he has been auidted by the IRS twice…car registration is past due the second year in a row and numerous bills have not be paid on time. This is not because he doesn’t have the money. This is because he is too “busy”! I said, we don’t have a child yet. So, I told him once we are married, I am taking all the financial responsibility over and will be in charge of all bills. But I am still concerned. He said he won’to pay the interest to the IRS because he didn’t know there a problem with his taxes for 2 years…so it is their fault. Ugh… What do I do to make him see that this is Not ok??
Post # 2
It’s not just going to go away, what exactly does he think will happen if he just refuses to pay? Sorry, I honestly can’t think of anything logical to combat that except that, it’s damn taxes, everyones got to pay them. You don’t pay, you get penalized! How about a financial advisor? Maybe they can explain it to him and explain what the implications are for not paying what he owes the IRS.
Post # 3
Hike4life: Oh, I can assure you… They’ll get their money. It’s not just some credit card company, it’s the government. Is he living beyond his means, and struggling financially? Maybe he doesn’t want you to know? DH and I had a thorough understanding of each others financials, debt, prior history, etc. well before we got married. So, every dime was accounted for. Is this the case for you?
For someone not to pay their car registration (which is technically driving an unregistered car, and I think illegal in many places), I’d have a hard time accepting “busy” as an excuse. I know in my state, it can be done online in about 5 min… Or less.
Post # 4
And, if it is 100% a “busy” issue, than I would take over all bills now. Better to get a handle on it sooner than later. They have EFT/Autopay options, so “busy” is not a viable excuse.
Post # 5
My dh is usually 100% busy, as in his mind is so filled with work I struggle to get his attention on weekends. So if his car license needs renewing I remind him, for everything else he has debit orders or recurring efts set up… I pay my agreed bills and he pays his, he knows if he lets them become overdue he will hear about it from me because he knows how important it is to keep payments up. To give you an idea, the first time we applied for a home loan some banks rejected it because my husband was late on his credit card payment, he had made the payment the day before they considered it the new month so to them he hadn’t made a payment that month in spite of having paid double in their previous month. Since then he has been uber careful about making payments on deadlines, not before (unless he is clearing it) or after.
Post # 6
Hike4life: I think you need to get down to the nitty gritty with him. My FI would be “too busy” too…when we moved in together I basically took over all the bills and financing stuff. I write down in a small notebook the date, what the bill is, leave a space and then the amount that is due….and in the space I put the date I set up payment for it and (if there is one) a confirmation number. I also make a check mark when I have paid it and then make it an “X” when I see it go through on my online banking thing.
Post # 7
His behavior is alarming. Being financially responsible is important. I doubt his credit score is great and if it is it’s likely to decline once the IRS starts garnishing his wages. His “too busy” excuse is BS. Does he have time to take a crap? How old is he?
Post # 8
Most bills can be put on autopay or you can set up through your bank to send payment. Are his taxes complicated? I find it a little odd that they are auditing if it is simple taxes. I wonder if he is trying to claim deductions that don’t really apply?
Also, I have to say that his behavior is not great, but I don’t think it is alarming or unusual. My dad is really similar. He is incredibly responsible with most things (and a great dad), but he just “forgets” to pay bills. My mom ended up just taking over paying his bills when she did her own. I think he knows he has to pay it but gets caught up in other things and then by the time he remembered to pay, it was past due.
Post # 9
My husband can be like this too. It’s laziness and forgetfulness. I basically have taken over the finances. It’s irritating but I have it under control.
Post # 10
My husband used to miss bills/pay them late, so I took over the finances and it’s worked out fine; plus it’s made the transition into married life much easier (we merged finances 3 years before we got married). Before that, his credit score was decent, but it wasn’t what I’d consider “good” credit. However, driving without registration and not paying taxes is a huge problem, if he doesn’t want to pay the full amount with interest he’ll need to get a lawyer (which will probably cost more than just paying the IRS).
Post # 11
Money is a big cause of divorces, so I’d get this settled now and not wait until after marriage. Generally, you can’t make a person change. So either you take over the finances, or you learn to accept his behavior, or you break up. I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for him to suddenly become responsible with money.
Post # 12
Oh girl, you need to get these IRS problems straightened out before you get married or his problems will become your problems and they will take any joint tax returns that the two of you are owed until he pays it back. My husband is pretty forgetful about things but he would NEVER EVER drive with an unregistered vehicle! He is very busy and travels for work a lot but he still gets his butt to the DMV to get his drivers license before it expires. Forgetting isn’t a good enough excuse.
Post # 13
I’d take over all the finances now, and if he balks about it take it as a warning sign.
Post # 14
DH didn’t have IRS/tax problems but he’s not good with paying bills or taking care of things on time (definitely a combo of being lazy and completely disorganized). So I do all of our finances. I also love being in control so it actually works out well for us!
Of course…I would make him get the IRS thing sorted out. He can’t just not pay, they will find a way to get it. I’d take care of it sooner rather than later.
Post # 15
I doubt his credit score is that good since he ”forgets” to pay multiple bills. Maybe he doesn’t want you to know. While I understand why PPs suggested you should take care of the finances, I don’t believe it’s the best solution. It’s that step more toward relieving him from taking his responsibilities as an adult. And you might end up looking at him as though he was another child you have to take care of. Been there, done that … and my ex only learned to take care of himself after I walked out. It didn’t mean he wasn’t a good person, but I sure didn’t help him by taking all the responsabilities over my shoulders and over time, I did resent him. It was a solution short-term, but it became a burden to me, long-term.