Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2014 - Beach
Hello Bees 🙂
Feels like the engagement season is upon us lol. So here’s the story
My friend met someone during vacation. They stated dating and it was becoming serious. She is half egyptian and half english and the guy is egyptian (she lives in england). They were talking about getting engaged in the next coming days where out of the blue he ended things with her her!. Turns out he read her diary in every excruciating detail. He found out that she is not a virgin and that she had slept with someone before (while she had told him she was). Okay let me tell you something first. Here in Egypt tradiotionally and religiously we wait until after marriage for sex so oobviously he had a problem with her not beeing a virgin and lying to him.
So they ended things. The next couple of years after that they were off an on a couple of days. Next thing i know she calls me up and says he came to london and proposed and met her family and they are getting married in september whoaa.
I met him a couple of times duing the last years and i didnt like him that much. He loves taking control over her. He at one time told her that if they were to get married she would have to cover herself (and this is very unusual) and he gave her an ultimatum back there either she agrees for what he wants (like getting covered and living with his family in one house) or he would leave her. So she left him. And after that they started talking again and now out of the blue they are getting married in 6 months.
I dont think he is goo for her although she says he changed. When I asked her abut all the things he had told her in the past she didnt say much they havnt talked about it but he has changed and that he will never force her into doing something she wouldnt want. She is just crazy super excited about getting married and mooving to egypt thats what she wanted her entire life Im just not sure she truley loves him or even thinks about what happens in marriage life.
I told her to stay engaged for a while meet his parents enjoy being with him before starting to plan the wedding but she is just stubborn. She alrady brought her dress a week after they are engaged and im really worried about her
what should i do
sorry for being too long
Post # 3
I think you need to let her be. It’snot really any of your business. Try and be happy for her and be a good friend. If things don’t turn out in the end she’ll need you.
Post # 4
@myweddingbee: There isnt much you can do. She is an adult and has made her decision. The best thing you can do is support her, even if you dont like her decisions. When (because it’s just a matter of time before he starts to control her) he does little things to control her, I might make a comment about “wow, that’s a little controling” because with time, she might not realize how controlling he is becoming.
I would also encourage her to keep some money separate and not to let him have control of her passport. That way if she needs to leave, she can.
Post # 5
I know this is a really hard situation. I can tell you care about her and about what happens to her. But the PPs are right – it’s her decision. There is really nothing you CAN do. And I think even giving her your honest opinion will hurt her feelings, maybe even ruin your friendship with her.
If it were me, I would decide if this were something I could support her through. And if she is a close enough friend, you should be able to. Just be there for her. If this is what she wants, be there. And if it all goes down in flames, be there. THAT is really all you can do. You can’t make her do anything.
Post # 6
Like everyone else said, there isn’t much you can do, I know you are worried, and I hope this situation turns for the better, but if you tell her to leave him, it’s only going to make things worse and have her get mad at you.
To give you a different point of view, a lot of my friends didn’t like my DH at first. We were long distance and had a lot of misunderstandings. As we moved in, got married, we slowly started working through these misunderstandings and we’re a much stronger couple now. The friends that told me to leave him, I know they meant well, but it didn’t help.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2014 - Beach
No ofcourse I won’t tell her to leave him because she seems really happy now I just said stuff like you need a bit of time and dont stress yourself and leave yourself time to plan the wedding of your dreams. I totally support her it’s not like I dont like him so I dont help her no it’s not at all like that. I do help her picking wedding dresses and looking for stuff online and evrything eventough were not in the same country and we text everyday too. I was just worried and wanted to share it with you bees