Post # 1
I’d love some suggestions on how to delecately address this topic!
My FI’s sister has a 2 year old son, who acts just like any 2 year old should act. The problem is, they never try to control him. Eg: Last night we all went to a restraunt, they let him run around the table, scream and stand on his chair. When they visit our house, he climbs all over our furniture and plays with our dvd player. I am a parent, my daughter is 6.5 months old. I know kids will be kids, but parents also have to be parents.
I am worried that they will let him run wild during our ceremony. We have a sitter arranged to take my daughter if need be. Our ceremony will be able 20 mins, our venue is a church museum and its very small (big echo factor), so during that time I would like distractions to be minimized. Our nephew and our daughter will be the only two children there.
How do I address my concerns without offending his family?
Post # 3
Wow a bit too similar to my post 🙂
posting so I can see the feedback
ETA: OP, here is my post: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/not-really-planning-but-just-thinking-about-the-no-kids-thing#axzz2TBd2y3qq
Think about some of the feedback I got on there. Maybe it’ll help?
Post # 4
Arrange for a sitter to take your nephew to the kid’s room during the ceremony maybe? Ugh, sorry I can’t be more help but I feel for you! Is there possibly a teenager in the family who would be willing to miss part of the ceremony for 50 bucks babysitting cash?
Post # 5
I am absolutely opened to that! But my fear is communicating about how much of a scene he will create before they take him out. We have all been somewhere and watched a parent struggle to rein in their young child, wondering when they will give in and leave, rather than eating dinner/watching a movie/paying attention to a ceremony. Its just so distracting and I want them to take him out at the first sign of what I know to be reasonable two year old behavior. Can I say this to them? I’m not that concerned about the reception and we’re not having a dinner because its an evening ceremony.
Post # 6
How about you have the babysitter take your daughter and nephew outside for the ceremony? It’s only 20 minutes right? Let the nephew run around outside and the babysitter can keep a close eye on him. Tell the ILs that you think it best if the kids get to play a bit instead of be stuck inside for a quiet ceremony.
Post # 7
There’s nothing wrong with a little fresh air when you’re 2.
Tell mom & dad that you thought it would be nice to give them 20 minutes of together time, on the house.
Just hope he doesn’t find any mud puddles! 🙂
ETA: oh, and maybe provide some sidewalk chalk or coloring books to keep them busy. 🙂
Post # 8
@rubytuesday813: Yes! Exactly! When I babysit I take that child out of a room the INSTANT they start to get loud. Because everyone knows it’s not going to be one loud sound. There are always more to follow.
Post # 9
Ugh. I removed a nephew/cousin from ringbearer duties because I was terrified of how he would act – I didn’t even think of him interrupting the ceremony…
Post # 10
@rubytuesday813: Can I strongly suggest that your fiance does the talking? It will be much better hearing it from her own brother, than her Future Sister-In-Law (you). He knows his sister and and should know how to say it.
He needs to say something like, “We know kids can be noisy, so it will be an adult only ceremony. We will provide a sitter to mind Jake and Ella in a separate room”. I don’t see how she can possibly object if your daughter isn’t in there either,
Post # 11
@rubytuesday813: You can definitely say something! I think you could just say that most of the time you don’t mind (because it sounds like you’ve never said anything before!) but that at your wedding you really want the moment between you and your future husband to be perfect. Let them know you are trying to handle this preemptively before it happens, that you’d be willing to arrange his sitter, and that you would really appreciate it if you didn’t have to worry about your nephew and your family would be able to be at your ceremony with you hassle free! And also let them know that you would really love for your nephew to be at your reception. Don’t mention their parenting style if you want to keep the peace- just mention your nephew’s behavior and maybe even act like his behavior is normal but you don’t want the babies to be at the ceremony because, let’s face it, the kids have no idea what’s going on, and you’d like your moment to be special.
Post # 12
@rubytuesday813: PS: apparently we’re date twins one year off! 🙂 Congrats!