Post # 1
Don’t get me wrong: I love the guy and want t marry him desperately. And if he had proposed 1 year ago when we hadn’t even talked about it, or 8 months ago when he said we couldn’t be in a LDR any longer and the solution was to get engaged and get married, or 5 months ago after he told me let’s go look at rings… even 3 months ago when I was impatiently waiting without bringing it up and doing my nails every time we saw each other I would have been ecstatic!!!! Actually even 3 months ago I couldn’t get myself off wedding bee because of the excitement. But now, after so many times planning our monthly reunions thinking “this is it” only to be disappointed later, after inevitable discussions when I ended up telling him that what hurts is that he hasn’t done it already and not that I think that he isn’t going to do it eventually, after some tears, after pointing out to him how people that met the same day we met are not only engaged but getting married this summer, after telling him that when he says that he’s saving up for a ring it’s only an excuse because he drives an extremely expensive car and because they give credit in every jewelry shop, after he apologized saying he knows he should have planned better and that he should have started thinking about our future together sooner than he did…. after ALL THAT and some more I feel like it might be finally happening because he insisted in meeting up in my hometown this month, which we rarely do… the problem is I don’t feel excited. I feel like I took away the thrill and magic of the event with my complaining and discussions about the topic. I think of the moment and conclude with horror that I would only feel resentment that he didn’t do it sooner. I don’t see myself jumping or shouting or crying of happiness. I haven’t even done my nails!!
I don’t want my proposal story to be like this, with no climax, with shadows of resentment towards him. A friend tells me to relax, that it doesn’t matter what I think I will feel, in the real moment I will be overjoyed. I want to think I will but I’m afraid. I had to share it with the bees.
Is there any other waiting bee feeling like this? For those already engaged: did any of you feel that when the big question was finally asked you would want to respond: “it was about time”? :S
Post # 3
I think you’ll surprise yourself and feel happy when the time comes. Maybe it won’t be the whole surprise/ultra romantic fantasy proposal, but you’ll still be engaged at the end of the day. That’s usually what happens and was how it was for me. The resentment you feel will probably fade away with time- 1 year after the proposal it will seem like a minor blip, 5 years from now it won’t matter a bit.
Don’t blame yourself for the way you’re feeling now – it’s at least 50% on him as well, for dragging it out this long, right? You didn’t make him delay this. A guy doesn’t “have to” propose until he feels like it – but that’s not to say there won’t be consequences for pushing it beyond what the woman was comfortable with.
Post # 4
I don’t get this whole ‘I was so surprised I was blown away’ feeling that most ladies have when they are proposed to. Well, maybe you WEREN’T expecting it right when he did. But you had an inkling it was coming right? I mean, before folks get engaged they have discussed it right? So, it’s just the timing that is left. I’m sorry you feel like you have pushed and pushed but sometimes, sometimes, you areally have to push men or else they will date you, buy a house with you, have kids with you, share bills etc but never make the relationship legal. I think you should just look forward to your wedding and married life and trust me, you will surprise yourself at how happy you will be when he finally does propose.
Post # 5
I felt like you before my FI proposed – we got together the same time as his BF, and they got married 3 years before us. On the way back from a friend’s wedding in Sep 2007, he talked about bringing wedding plans forward, which got me all excited…he didn’t propose until May 2009!
We went on holiday in 2008, and I was holding my breath for a week, expecting a proposal, but no dice.
I got frustrated, angry, upset – I straight out asked him what his intentions were (I really started to wonder if he was waiting for something better) – and even when he told me he was committed, I didn’t believe him.
On the day he actually did it, I half expected him to (the circumstances were very suggestive), but when the moment finally came, I can’t tell you what the wave of emotion felt like! It was crazy – he hardly got the words out when I was crying and saying yes over and over.
I really thought that I would be girl who said “About bloody time!” Totally didn’t happen like that.
One way I thought about it that made it feel a little better while I waited for him was to remember that this is the last big secret between you, forever. And what a nice secret! That thought got me through the last few months 🙂
Post # 6
I bet you will be happier and more surprised than you think you will be.
I had a breakdown, sobbing, hissy fit when the last of our “group” got engaged, and it wasn’t us. We’ve been together longer than everyone else in the rest of the group, and we will be the last to get married. I feel horrible about my pressuring him.
BUT, that being said, it got the ball rolling, and since my BF is about as subtle as an anvil dropping on your head, I know it’s happening this week, and I’m already giddy and excited. I’ve barely slept at night since he told me he ordered the ring because I’m anticipating it so much. I’m so excited that it’s almost torture now.
Post # 7
My Fiance (weird to get used to saying!) proposed last week. We had talked about marriage a lot and the situation was that of which I almost expected him to propose…but I wasn’t getting my hopes up.
The moment was low key and it was perfect. I was excited but it was different then it being a completley random proposal (I think). It just seemed natural and to me that seemed right. It was just like everything we had ever talked about or planned was now official and that made me really happy. =)
So sorry if this is not what you want to hear, you may not have the same thrill you would if it was unexpected but that doesn’t mean you won’t be very happy! It will still be a great moment! This could also too just be my experience.
Post # 8
I think the completely “surprise” proposal is so rare. It’s comforting for me to hear other Bees say that while they didn’t enjoy “pushing”, it was necessary to move the process along. I have to remember sometimes that it is OK to share my feelings with BF. Sharing your feelings is different than nagging, if you communicate well. I worry too that it will be “too late”, that I’ve descended into bitterness already. There’s been a recent engagement (yesterday) in our group, if you couldn’t tell, LOL!
Post # 9
Ah, the waiting game. 7 years, my friend. SEVEN years. I got frustrated, I threw thigns, I yelled, I threatened. Nothing was going to make him do it any faster. He had his reasons – he wanted me to get my finances in order and he didn’t want to lose the farm on a ring. Well, he never did have to buy a ring b/c my Dad gave him my Grandmother’s ring but….I worried the same things you did. I waited 2 months after he had her ring, too, btw….
Anyways, I worried I wouldn’t be happy b/c I was so pissed off at waiting so long! In the end, that all went out the door when he was down on one knee. I forgot to say yes I was so flustered and then…you go into planning mode. All beforehand is forgotten. Honestly. Though, I did ask him if he would have proposed when he did if he hadn’t been given a ring and he said probably not. Meh.
Post # 9
We were together over 6 years by the time he proposed to me. Pretty sure I picked a fight the week of, or the week before about not being engaged yet. My friend picked a fight with her FI the night before he proposed! Bottom line is, you will be excited. He will be excited. All the fighting/tears/frusteration just kind of…melts away. I wished I had found WB sooner and didn’t put as much pressure on him, but I know that he proposed because he wanted to. Afterall, who agrees to marry someone and commit the rest of their life to that person just to get them to shut up?
(Wow, I made myself sound like a nag. I wasn’t quite that bad, I swear.)
Post # 10
I wasn’t “surprised” when my FI proposed because I knew he had bought the ring and all that. I didn’t even cry because I’m just not a “cry when happy” kind of person usually. But I was very excited and giddy when I finally had the ring and could start planning, so I definitely think you will be excited. You probably won’t be “OMG I can’t believe it!” but you’ll definitely be excited. 🙂
Post # 11
I agree with everyone else and you should know you’re not alone. All the proposal stories you’ve seen or heard are probably edited… no one tells the story of how they were anxious and how painful it was to wait… most of us go through that!
my bf and i got into an argument about it a while ago (2 mo or so) and i even made the comment: “i hate how all of the fun and romance has been sucked out of this”. Even so, I think when he proposes I will still be excited. Just take a deep breaht, and istead of thinking of the past- the fights, how hard its been- think of what this means for the FUTURE!
good luck, hope to see your proposal post soon 🙂
Post # 12
I also don’t buy all the “wow, gee, I totally didn’t see it coming! I was so SUPRISED!” proposal stories. I think about 95% of the time engagement has been discussed prior to the actual proposal and both parties have a pretty good idea of when it’s coming.
In my mind, if your guy makes you wait more than 6 months after “the talk,” he doesn’t get to complain that you’ve “sucked the romance” or suprise out of it by wanting some information on the progress of things. There are two people involved in a proposal, both with feelings and expectations. One person does not get to dictate all of the terms of your future together. If he makes you wait an extended amount of time knowing the levels of anxiousness and frustration that come with that wait, he gets to deal with the consequences of that. That’s just reality.
If a guy wants his proposal to be a suprise with no feelings of resentment or frustration attached to it, he needs to get off his but and make it happen within a reasonable amount of time. You don’t get it both ways. If he fails to hold up his end of that unspoken (or spoken, as is often the case) bargain, he can’t in good conscience expect his girl to hold up hers (to wait patiently in silence and be so excited and grateful when it happens.)
Post # 13
I knew it was coming, and there is just something so surreal about seeing YOUR guy on one knee in front of YOU – there’s no way to not take in that moment and get emotional. You absolutely can’t prepare for it, as much as you’re frustrated, and as much as you think you’ll just be angry, I promise, it will blow you away.
Post # 14
Thanks so much for your responses!
I never expected or even wanted one of those “out of the blue” proposals, I had no problem looking at rings together, etc. The problem is not that it wont be a surprise, its more that Im no longer looking forward to it. I know if sounds awful, thats what Im so afaid. Im looking forward to our wedding day and getting married and all, but would like the proposal to be skipped, because it seems fake now that he has to asked me if I would marry him after all of our discussions 🙁 Everytime he tells me that he wants it to be special I keep thinking: “then you should have done it months ago” :S
I really hope you are right and all those feelings will vanish when I see him in one knee. Right now all I can picture is mumbling “finally” lol
Post # 15
I’m grateful for this thread. I know it is coming…and it better be soon. (Some of you may recall that he bought the ring 7 months ago). I started thinking that my reaction is going to be something like “it’s about bloody time.” I don’t want to be that girl.
I remembered that I had seen this thread and came back to re-read it. It helped. Thanks, ladies. Here’s hoping that time flies by for all of us.