Worried about telling dad about engagement…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@CanadaMoose:  To be honest with you I wouldn’t tell my dad about the possible engagement until you really were engaged.  September is a long time away and possibly he will feel less like you are his little girl once you have been away and on your own for a while.

 

Post # 6
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

@CanadaMoose:   

@sugar_biscuit:  makes a good point. A promise of an engagement is not equal to an engagement.  If I was your dad, I might find it more upsetting than an actual engagement. 

It could go either way. Only you know your dad.

Post # 7
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

You could hint that you’re thinking about weddings but I wouldn’t officially talk to him about it until you’re engaged. I hate to say this but really, if you’re ready to be engaged you should be able to have an adult conversation with your father. I don’t know if there’s much any of us could tell you to make you any more ready for the conversation. You know your father, I’m sure you will be fine. 

Post # 8
Member
6872 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

Could your SO ask your father for permission? Not sure if that would make it worse or better for you… hopefully better?

Post # 10
Member
6872 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@CanadaMoose:  It isn’t down to your parents, but it is a sign of respect for him to ask. My FH and I were together for 7 1/2 years before getting engaged, but he still asked my gpa’s permission bc he knew it was important to me and a sign of respect to my family.

Post # 11
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CanadaMoose:  You don’t. When you are officailly engaged you both tell him in person (if that’s a financial possiblity, otherwise Skype will do). You already know he’s going to give you hell, accept that and continue to move forward with your plans anyway. 

EDIT: If you think telling him in advance is better than do it. Only you know your father. However, if I know someone is going to try to talk me out of something I already know I’m going to do, no way would I give them a heads up, but that’s me. 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

@CanadaMoose:  I feel you – my father isn’t supportive of my relationship, either. I don’t have too much advice other than to focus on letting him know that you are happy, and that you believe you’re doing the right thing. What more could he ask of you? 🙂

Post # 13
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

I believe the traditional way is for the fiance to ask your dad. Your fiance needs to be really prepared for this conversation because from what I can tell, your dad may make him feel uncomfortable by asking him a lot of questions. It is definitely something to prepare for. He might even discuss finances so it would be great if your fiance could really prepare. It might also be useful for you, to discuss these kinds of things with your fiance, because your dad wants evidence that he is dealing with mature and adult people; “We’ll be fine” is not something your dad wants to hear where the future of his daughter is concerned.

Look on this from a dad’s perspective and you might see where he’s coming from. He probably thinks he could hook you up with a banker he knows and your future would be assured. He doesn’t want to spend his retirement worrying and maybe arty pursuits scare him and plenty of degrees but no sign of a real job yet for your fiance? If you look on this through the eyes of a parent, you can better prepare for any discussion that is heading your way.

Fellow Canadian in UK ! x

Post # 14
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You’ll know your Dad best, but I asked my FI not to talk to my father first. I saw it as a sign of independence and maturity (no one needs to give an adult a blessing to do something that doesn’t affect them). But, if you think it’ll soften the blow I’d do that. 

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