- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016
This past winter, SO and I had been talking very seriously about our plans to get engaged and married. While he has not proposed yet, he has told me to start getting things organised for our wedding in Canada, as we will be living in England when he proposes (according to him, the proposal is already planned; I currently live in Canada, while he lives in England) and throughout our entire engagement. We consider ourselves unofficially engaged at this point.
Last week, I decided to tell my mom about the plans that SO and I had made. We went out for coffee and I told her about my conversation with SO and the fact that he will be proposing when I move in September, as well as the fact that he’d like me to start planning a wedding (for summer 2016). My mom took the news reasonably well, considering the fact that she is not happy that I am moving to the UK in the fall. She and I spoke about size and budget for a wedding and went over all of the issues that my extended family will have (SO isn’t Jewish, we won’t be living in Canada, I have no intention of inviting people I’ve never met, etc.).
My mom then brought up the fact that my dad was going to go ballistic – my dad is a guy with a lot of opinions, and when people choose not to go according to his plan, he yells a lot. My dad does not support me moving to England, as I still have student loans to pay off, and he would like me to stay living in my parents’ house for another 4-5 years. He does not like the fact that I got a degree in Rhetoric and Professional Writing, but have gone on to be a dance teacher, as he does not think I am living up to my potential, despite the fact that this is what I’ve wanted since I was 9 years old – he also doesn’t like that SO encourages me to be the dance teacher that I want to be. And here’s the big one: he thinks I am far too young to be even considering marriage.
Yes, I am young; SO and I are 21 and 22, respectively. However, we have been together for two years and have both lived together and 3000 miles apart. Long distance has done wonders for our communication and we have worked through a lot of unexpected problems (mental illness, cancer, alcoholism, suicide of a mutual friend, etc.) purely through talking it out. I have finished a degree and am working and saving, and he is studying for his Masters, followed by a PhD. We look young, but both of us have a good head on our shoulders and are mature for our age.
I am not asking you bees to advise me on my engagement based on my age. I am aware that I am young, but I have met the man of my dreams and we are planning to be married at 23 and 24. What I am asking is advice on how to tell my dad that SO and I plan on getting engaged in the near future, without triggering a fight that would have me move a continent away on bad terms. I love my family, and I would love to have their support through this engagement and cross-continental move.
Any ideas? 🙂