Post # 1
One of my BM’s just called me last night and told me all of the things that she and her Darling Husband are going through and how their lives just did a complete 360 within the last week. I don’t feel like sharing everything but basically they will be losing their apartment. I told all of the girls that May would be a good time to get together and purchase a $125 bridesmaid dress I found through AA, but I’m secretly worried she won’t have the money. She has told me several times up until now that she was curious when the estimated time frame was that she would need the money to purchase her dress and I’ve tried to make sure to remind her so she is prepared.
But with May being only three or four months away I just can’t see her having that much money to spare (and if she does then she should be using it to help them not wear a one time dress, IMHO). Should I talk to her about this or wait until she approaches me? I know that she’s going through a lot right now and I think at this moment it might overwhelm her, however I’ve also done some flip flopping with my desire to have her stand up anyways. I just feel like this is a little bit of a touchy situation and don’t want to hurt any feelings here.
Post # 3
Since she did approach you about her financial troubles, I think it would be fine if you told her that you understand if she can’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but would of course love to have her at the wedding. She could have been trying to hint to you that she wants to step down.
Post # 4
Why don’t you just help pay for her dress. I am doing that for my friend splitting the cost with her.
Post # 5
I did some flip flopping with one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man also. And I told all my girls to purchase their dress by Feb. 1st no later. That way if something happened it would give me enough time to ask another girl so that she could come up with the money. (She ended up coming up with the money and got her dress) But I wold stick with keeping the date for the dress, and if they don’t purchase make sure they know you will have to find someone else
Post # 6
I think you should talk to her. If you can afford it and you feel good about it, you could offer to split the cost of the dress, but only do that if it wouldn’t be too much of a burden on you.
If you have been wondering if you should have asked her in the first place, maybe you should just tell her you understand if she can’t afford it.
Post # 7
I think that this could be a good opportunity to see if maybe she’d rather step down. Let her know that you’re not kicking her out or anything, but that you understand that money is tight and perhaps the wedding can’t be as big of a priority for her as you were both hoping it would be. Of course make sure she knows that you really would still want her to be at the wedding. If you do really want her to be in your party, then I’d probably just help her pay for the dress…maybe as her Bridesmaid or Best Man gift? It sounds like you weren’t sure if you actually want her to be in your bridal party though, so see if she takes the out.
Post # 8
@brideatbeach: I do wonder sometimes if I should’ve asked her. I feel AWFUL saying that because that just sounds so mean but I just don’t feel as close to her as I thought or wish I was going to b the time of the wedding.
Post # 9
Financially, if you can afford it, i would offer to help pay for the dress (or cover it). Life happens so sometimes you just have to roll with it. My budget is so tight its invisible but nothing means more to me than to have my bestie in my wedding so between my mom and i, we will pay for it and have her reimburse me later. ANother option is to pay for the dress as a Bridesmaid gift
In any event you should definately have a sit down with your friend and see what is the best option for all involved. Who knows, she may have been budgeting for said dress and already have some money put aside.
And honestly even in the tightest of budgets, 125 is not such a steep price when spred out over 3-4 months…perhaps putting aside 30 a month is more feasible than coming up with 125 at once…
Post # 10
@SweetRose2011: Well, as bad as it might sound, this could be one way to get her out of your wedding party. You could tell her that you would love to help her pay for the dress, but with all of the other wedding expenses, you just can’t afford it. Tell her you understand completely if she can’t be in the wedding, and you still appreciate her support more than she’ll ever know.
Post # 11
I knew that my Maid of Honor was going to have quite a hard time coming up with money. That is why I tried to make the dress as cheap as possible. I e-mailed her information about a possible dress and also told her, if you need any help buying the dress my parents and I will try to help her as much as possible. We don’t have a ton of money, but we will make it happen! It was a light e-mail, and she calls me the next day saying how much she appreciated it, and that she was so scared about money. She basically told me she was going to hold off on some previously made plans to be in my wedding… I told her NO! I don’t want her to stop her life (new life, she is moving) just so I can get married, I WILL help her!
If you have a good friendship with her, I think you should go ahead and bring up money issues. But now than never. Y’all can work out a plan to make paying for her dress happen. If I were you, I would try if at all possible (even $30) to help her buy it. However, I did notice that you are wondering if she should even be in the wedding anymore. If that’s the case, then when you talk to her, maybe you should help her decide not to be in it. Sounds dirty, but it may work out for the best.
Post # 12
I went through a similar situation. All 3 of my bridesmaids were unemployed when my wedding came up. If you really want her in your wedding, I would offer to pay for the dress, but do so in a way that she won’t feel uncomfortable.
While my bridesmaids each paid for their own dresses, I did many things to try and reduce the total costs. First I had them pick a dress that wasn’t too expensive and found shoe options that were cute but affordable. I also paid for the jewelry, flip flops, shawl, and hair the day of.
In my opinion, it shouldn’t be the responsibility of your bridesmaids to pay for your bridal shower or bachlorette party if they’re short on cash.