Post # 1
I have a dilemma. We haven’t set our date yet and I’m waiting to ask my bridesmaids until we do, but I’ve already asked my Maid/Matron of Honor. We live several states away and visited each other recently, so I wanted to do it in person. We’ve only known each other for about 4 years, but we are super close and I really couldn’t imagine having anyone else as my Maid/Matron of Honor.
I suspect one of my oldest friends expects me to ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I definitely want her to be a bridesmaid. She threw us an engagement party recently and seems to be taking on the Maid/Matron of Honor role. At the party, she was telling everyone how I’m her best friend and if she didn’t have a sister I would have been her Maid/Matron of Honor.
I really don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also feel like I should be able to have who I want as my Maid/Matron of Honor. We’ve been friends since we were little, but we’ve just grown apart a bit over the years. I thought about co-MOH’s, but I really don’t want that. I don’t want to have to feel guilted into doing something I don’t want to.
Suggestions on how to handle this?
Post # 3
@kb7: First I would wait to pick a date and be 100% sure the out-of-state Maid/Matron of Honor can make it before feelings get hurt (just in case). Second, are you sure you have to have this MOH? How will she help you from states away? I mean, if this other Bridesmaid or Best Man has to do all the work without the title I bet it will result in a lot of hurt feelings/resentment. No way you could have two MOHs? Just a though. And finally, if you just have to have this Maid/Matron of Honor and you know that the Bridesmaid or Best Man will be expecting it to be her I would make sure to go have a lunch or dinner with her and break it to her gently rather than just ignore it. Let her know she’s still important to you.
Post # 4
@jadlnc: I’m not worried about her being able to do her duties. She’s already super excited and planning my bachelorette party, and I already ran our possible date by her and she said it’s fine.
I’m totally fine with the other bridesmaid helping to plan things, but only if she wants to. MOH will still be taking on the majority of the responsibility. She even said she’d fly in to dress shop with me. Plus, I’m not Maid/Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding coming up but I’m doing 100% of the Maid/Matron of Honor duties because her sister just won’t. So if she’s helping without the title, I don’t see it as a big deal.
Post # 5
I think that after you set a date, you just ask this friend to be a bridesmaid. You don’t owe her an explanation of why she’s not your Maid/Matron of Honor. However, if she does ask (which I think would be incredibly rude), you just explain that you have a good friend whom you’ve already asked to fill that role, but that you’d love her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Honestly, she may have expect to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, but that doesn’t obligate you to make her your Maid/Matron of Honor or explain to her why she’s not.