Worried that my best friend (bridesmaid) dislikes me :-(

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Why don’t you talk to her about it? If she’s your best friend you should be able to ask her what’s going on. It doesn’t sound like she’s just busy to me. And really I think you need to find out soon what’s going on. She may not be worth keeping in the bridal party.

Post # 4
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

cat89:  It must be very frustrating for you and does seem strange she is avoiding you. I think sometimes just texting is not enough and people tend to forget things or think they will deal with it later. Maybe you could start ringing her up until she answers when you need to talk instead of texting, then she has no excuse not to answer you strait away,and you can question her further. If she is still distant, then tell her how you have felt and ask her if she really wants to still be a part of the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you need to point blank tell her (if she won’t pick up her phone then send her a message/email on FB) telling her that you get the impression she is avoiding you, and that you would like to know what’s going on and whether she really wants to be in your bridal party at all. One of my friends started acting weird when I asked her to be a bridesmaid, and when I called her up on it she confessed that she actually really didn’t want to be a bridesmaid but she was too afraid that I’d be mad so she didn’t know how to tell me. Since then everything’s been fine with her… she was just afraid of being in the spotlight and wanted to be at my wedding as a guest, not a member of the bridal party. You need to force your friend to communicate with you and talk this out with her.

Post # 7
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

i would send her a text or email saying how you feel and that you are worried and ask to meet up and talk as something is obviously wrong. Say that you are feeling upset and worried and want to meet and talk things over. I would send this asap. poor you. Hugs xx

Post # 8
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

cat89:  Maybe do it in a gentle manner – start with something like “I know how busy you are, it must be really hard for you blah blah blah”. Make her feel like you care still (even if you don’t), then gently get into a conversation about how you understand how hard it must be for her to do bridesmaid duties, then give her the option to stay one or not! Probably easier said than done though!

Post # 9
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

You’ve said “best friend” about 1,000 times and this doesn’t sound like a best friend to me. Actions speak louder than words and she’s showing you how she feels about being in the wedding. What was her reaction when you asked her to participate? Did she seem excited or obligated? 

Sometimes people grow apart and it sounds like that’s what happened here. You live with your partner and are about to get married whereas she lives with a group of friends. Those are two very different life phases and maybe she feels like she doesn’t have anything in common with you anymore. 

All of this is speculation. If you want to salvage the friendship, then talk to her. If she’s really your best friend, you should be able to be open with her. I personally think she’s shown you enough for you to draw your own conclusions but sometimes people want to hear it from the horse’s mouth. 

It sounds like you do have a good support network and friends who are excited to be there for you. Don’t let this so called best friend sour the experience for you. 

Post # 10
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You need to talk to her.  As PPs have said, her behavior is suspect.  Be gentle but firm.  Make sure she really wants to be part of the BP.

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You know what you have to do….you probably just don’t want to because you’re scared of the answer. You need to just flat-out ask her if something is wrong. And if she freezes you out, well…i guess you got your answer.

Post # 12
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

This was me with my first MOH. And she was jealous…Sometimes we gotta know when to let a friendship go. Friends come for a season and….proximity at times. You shouldn’t have to force a friendship. If she wants to be there for you she’ll make an effort. Give her a deadline to let you know about the dress and if she doesn’t show interest by then, move forward. The harsh reality of weddings is that jealousy comes up and there’s a lot of ugliness that happens when people really aren’t for you. 

Value the friendships you have at present and….let this one go as she seems to be doing. You’re not reading too much into it. You’re seeing it exactly as it is. If you misunderstood she’ll find a way to correct it.

Post # 13
Member
3558 posts
Sugar bee

cat89:  Great advice from PP’s.  She could easily be jealous.  Or maybe she really doesn’t want to be in your wedding.  Talk to her directly, but not accusingly and just ask her to be honest with you.

Post # 15
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

Are you me a couple years ago? I went through this exact same thing. A word of warning, reaching out to her may not do any good. I confronted my friend when she was acting like this. We talked and all I really got from her was “I’m just super busy, but I still want to be a bridesmaid”. She never did give me her measurements for her dress, so she wasn’t in the wedding. She didn’t even show up in the end. I haven’t spoken to her since. I was beyond hurt by her actions. I can’t even tell you how sad I am it all went down that way, I still think about it.

Of course things may work out differently for you and your friend. I just wanted to warn you that things don’t always work out. In my mind, a best friend should not act this way. But I’m really hoping your talk goes well and your friend gets better with the communication.

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