Post # 1
My FI and I have careers, are in our late 20s, and make good money. We are in professions where our families and friends have a good idea of how much we make and I’m afraid they’ll have an expectation of a certain type of wedding based on what they think we can afford. I unfortunately foreclosed a house I owned during the recession and ended up with a lot of credit card debt, in addition to poor spending habits when I was younger. We chose to have a destination wedding between our families who are several states away but its going to be a very budget wedding because I have very little in savings anymore and FI used a lot of his savings when buying his house a couple years ago.
Im worried that the guests will be upset that they are flying to a destination just to attend a budget wedding. Its a big city with lots to do but I worry that they won’t feel like it was worth spending the money to fly to our wedding. Does anyone else have this worry or is this a valid concern? Not many people will fly to our small town so in order to have all our loved ones there we felt it would be better to have it in a more desirable city.
Post # 3
Honestly it is none of their business how much you want to spend on a wedding and if they are real friends and good family, they will love you wedding whether it is in a barn or at the Ritz. Don’t worry about it and just have fun with what you can afford.
Post # 4
I think it’s fine. They are travelling there to be with you and celebrate with you all. It shouldn’t matter what type wedding it is – budget or luxury.
Post # 5
They’re attending your wedding to show support for your love and new life together…I think you have an overload of wedding porn, don’t allow someone or some place to convince you and what your wedding is supposed to be. Weddings orginated as the couple walking to their new home. Your wedding will be a beautiful day but your marriage and your lifetime together is way more important
Post # 6
I’m having similar feelings (though I know friends/family know we can’t afford a big wedding). Guests will be 95% local, but I have a few who are coming from across the country and I’m just amazed that they are planning to come. All we’re having is a brief Sunday-morning wedding and lunch reception. It’ll be over in under four hours, with no before/after events planned (there’s just no money).
Part of what’s helping me justify asking people far away is telling them it’s a perfect excuse to visit Southern CA beaches in the the middle of August. 😀
Post # 7
Honestly if you have friends who would actually judge you based on how lavish or non-lavish your wedding is, you probably need new friends. Don’t invite any shallow people and focus your time and energy on those who will love and support you no matter what your budget is.
Post # 8
If they love you and can afford to attend, then they will be there. If they are judgy people who will turn up their nose because they are offended that you aren’t having a bigger bash, then they aren’t people who love you or are really worth being friends with ykwim?
We had 6 people fly 6k miles to attend our wedding that we were certain wouldn’t be able to because of the time/distance/cost. We had several others that also surprised us from lesser distances! *hugs* People will come!
Post # 9
p.s. the great thing about a destination wedding is the vacation is the entertainment, if it’s a big city with lots to do your giving them the excuse to come do what they’d like in a cool city they might not otherwise get the chance to visit
Post # 10
THIS WAS MY EXACT FEAR.
All of our guests were a plane ride away. We deciced to make them come to us (rather than one side do all the travelling). We’re not too far from Jackson Hole/Grand Teton National Park. There was a casual fire pad/pavilion that you could rent for weddings inside the park. All the catering included. Most brides used it for rehearsal dinners, but lots did it for weddings since it was about the most affordable way to have a wedding in super fancy Jackson Hole.
Well, it wasn’t fancy, it was a pavilion with log style picnic tables, open air, BBQ type menu. BUT you’re looking right at the Teton Mountains! I’d hope that’d be distracting enough! We love it, but I did worry that it’d be “enough” to warrant the expensive tickets/cars/hotels one needs to get when they come to JH.
My own mother said, “Well, what else is there besides a wedding? That’s a heck of a long way to go for just a wedding.” I compensated by making it a 3 day event to make it worthwhile; a welcome dinner at a park with an Alpine Slide ride, the wedding/reception, then white water rafting.
We had nothing left for a honeymoon for ourselves.
Then (OMG!) My BIL had the nerve to tell my sisters, “It’s not that nice you know,” regarding my venue. My other sister told me. I was really crushed. Focker. What nerve!
In the end the whole shebang was cancelled due to my father’s terminal illness. WHAT A RELIEF! Not about his illness, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back for us. No more sleepless nights about putting it all togeher, not worrying about making it “nice enough,” I can now sleep soundly.
We’re going to elope on our own and spend probably the equivalent it on our weddingmoon. I don’t have to worry anymore.
Not what you wanted to hear!
Post # 11
I was too. Budget (and my lack of desire to spend my entire wedding day around people when I could be with DH), our wedding was under 4 hours, hors d’ouerves, and no alcohol. I figured the invitations told them what kind of wedding it would be, and if they were coming to be entertained and drink on my dime, I wouldn’t be that upset if they couldn’t make it.
They surprised me, and I had friends and family come from all over to show their support. People who love you will be happy to be there for you (if they can). People who don’t, don’t matter.