(Closed) Worried you’ll have more people there than your FI?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

find a smaller place?

 

my FI’s the same, he only has 5 immediate family and 2 best friends, thats it, the rest of our 60 guests are my family and friends (he’s from Europe we are LD)

 

 

dont sweat it, just have fun and enjoy yourselves

Post # 4
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have the opposite thing going on. My family includes about 30 people, where as his includes around 80. To make things even more lopsided, I know that only about half of my family will end up coming. Along with this and our desire for a small wedding we decided to only invite immediate family and grandparents to the actual ceremony and then include everyone at a reception later that day. I sometimes feel a little down about it but then I remember that it will be our wedding day and really his family will/is also my family!

Let him know that you understand his feelings, but your people are also his people!! If you decide to stay small that’s good too! I would do whatever is best for the two of you!

Post # 5
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I had a similar situation.  Both of our families are out of state but mine is way bigger.  I invited 200 guests and he invited 140.  My family is younger and used to travelling more where his family is older and most had never left the state.   In the end we had 195 guests, 35 were his, 160 were mine!  We would joke that our wedding was the Dominican version of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".  LOL…

 The people that mattered most to him were there and my family has become a second family for him, although the numbers were off he never complained and he was happy to have the people that were there for us. 

 

with regards to venues, why not rent out a small restuarant for yourselves to hold the reception?  Or find a restaurant that will give you a smaller private dining room, is that possible?

Post # 6
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

not worried – I know I WILL

By a landslide infact

My side will be over 100 people, his side about 30-40

Post # 7
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh gosh. Well, my fiance is from Turkey and so, there is a BIG difference in guests. However, it guess we are just fine with it, because we know we are having a huge wedding with about 400 ppl when we go there!!

 I agree that you should start looking at smaller venues. Try to find places that are more creative. Even restaurants. You REALLY can have a lovely intimate wedding. I sincerely mean that. On that day, it won’t matter who is there…as long as both of you are! Neither of you should worry, but I will admit that the guest list thing is never easy!

Post # 8
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

Ugh, we have the exact same issue. I’ve got a huge extended family–my mom is one of seven–and my FI’s parents are both only children. He’s got two (much older) half-sisters, and that’s basically it. We’re somewhat at odds with my parents right now, because he and I really want to have our wedding in the city where we met & dated for four years, and they really want it in my hometown, which is more convenient for my giant family. I feel like it’s unfair for his wishes to be shot down because he happens to have very few people on his side.

Anyway, good luck. I feel ya!

Post # 10
Member
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel

I *know* I will.  My family is mostly local, and my dad has 7 siblings and my mom has 3.  I have 23 first cousins!  My FH’s family, on the other hand, is on the other side of the world, and mostly likely it will just be his immediate family and maybe a close aunt and uncle.  Roles will be reversed a week later though, because w’ere going to his family’s country for a second reception and I won’t know a soul. 

Post # 11
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We settled on a smaller wedding because we had the same issue.  I wasn’t interested in making my wedding a family reunion for my side of the family, especially since I have varying levels of closeness with my extended family members and some of them have frankly made no attempt to have a relationship with me as an adult.  My husband is fairly introverted too, and in general we aren’t that fond of being the total centre of attention.  I have my suspicions that some of my extended family is offended that they weren’t invited, but they could never understand my reasons because we don’t really talk.  I wish I could have pleased everyone but the size of the wedding and what types of people you invite has a big impact on the atmosphere and how you spend your day as the bride and groom and I just wasn’t willing to sacrifice what would make us most comfortable. 

Seek out a smaller venue.  They exist, I promise.

Post # 12
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman

We had a similar situation.  I think our split was probably 80% me and 20% him.  He wasn’t worried about it, and we spread the word to my family to sit on both sides of the aisle.  His good friends were there and my family made a big effort to include and welcome the 5 family members from his side.  I definitely would find a smaller venue though.  They have to be out there!  Having too much space can make a wedding feel empty, like nobody showed, even if your guest list was maxed out!  Finding something cozier and better suited to your guest list would be better.

Post # 13
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I worry about this from time to time. My fiancee’s father passed away years ago, her mother is ill, her brothers aren’t very accepting of our relationship, and her extended family isn’t supportive either. I know it will be uneven in terms of guests, and I wish things were different. I just hope she doesn’t focus on this the day of the wedding. I want everyone to be happy.

Post # 14
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We may end up with close to the same number of guests as each other, but his will be all (or almost all) family, whereas mine will likely include several friends.  We both have big extended families whom we will invite, although my FI’s is probably a little bigger than mine.  But he doesn’t really have any friends anymore; he just hasn’t kept in touch with people over the years. So most or all of the non-famiy guests will be my friends from high school and college. I feel bad about that, but I can’t imagine having my wedding without them.

Post # 15
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wheresmydessert: My mom has 1 brother and one sister, both live across the country and my grandfather also lives across the country. She doesn’t have living extended family, just one aunt that also is across the country. 

                            My dad has one brother- across the country, one sister- he doesn’t speak to anymore, and my grandmother – who is also in another state, and most extended family is no longer alive or haven’t kept in touch with them … like his cousins etc. 

                             My fiances mom is like one of 5, and they all have a few children, and the grandma is still alive, and they all live local. His fathers family are all overseas. 

So my wedding will be lop sided for sure. Its like 10% (my family) 50% his family) 40% (our friends).

I have an irrational fear that there will be like NOBODY to sit on my side at the church! I tell my fiance and he’s like, we’re not doing it that way, everyone will sit everywhere – I’m like … uh don’t they know? Lol.  

Post # 16
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have the reverse situation, which is funny considering my FH is originally from out of town. My entire portion of the guest list (we allocated it in half per our original 60 guests count – so 30 a piece) was made up of all of my cuban family (immediate family, parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts/uncles) and three girl friends. However, even though my FH has a small family (seriously its like 7 people) he has all his out of town guy friends and there wives and since he’s been at his firm for 14 years – all his partners, etc. I freaked out when his original guest list was 65 people. I started making him cut heads. And then he didnt even have our mutual in town friends accounted for. It placed me in a bad situation b/c I thought he included our mutual friends & of course I had to start spreading the news about non-invites.

Also, I had even discussed my bridal shower etc with alot of the girls – and now they arent even invited. Totally sucks. Anyways, im going to on and on here – but his list finally went down to 45 – which up the count to 75 – but I cant say much b/c he is paying.

My family might comment on the situation but I am sorry they arent paying he is & I cant invite all of Miami to my wedding. He even noticed to the point that he wanted to cut some people b/c he knew my girlfriends and family would notice the unevenness of the wedding. Oh well.

It is what it is – sorry I cant give much substantive advice in this regard – but hopefully I can make you realize what the person on the other side might feel like – although seriously it doesnt bother me. I wanted a small wedding so if there’s something I am P.O’d about is the additional people, which means an additional table to decorate, etc. Something I didnt want so I cut him quick in his tracks regardless of paying for everything.

Enough ranting from me – maybe i should have started my own post on this one. lol.

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