Post # 1
I have no idea how to respond to all of this…. here is the gist…
My fiancé and I have been together for 2 years and are getting married in a few months 🙂 My future sil and MOH and I used to get along great And I considered her a good friend which is why I asked her to be in my bridal party.
About 7 months ago she started dating a real butt face. He is both physically and emotionally abusive to her. After we learned of the abuse the rest of her family and I came up with a plan to Try and Get her away from him(which involved her living with me and working for me). I paid her a lot of $ to work for my company (no work was done btw) AND we all gave her an out…she decided to move in with the cheating, beating, no excuse for a man none the less.
Fast forward….my fiancé and I are out for my birthday a few weeks aho and we get a call from her asking where exactly our wedding will take place. (it has been planned for 9 months). Later that night they call To announce their engagement, which took place at the EXACT spot where we are getting married….( mind you they live well over 100 miles away!)
Soooo now they have planned their wedding for 2 weeks after ours AND she refuses the pay for her dress, hair/make-up and keeps hitting my fiancé and I up for $$ so she can pay for her own wedding! I have given her the option of paying her NOT to be in our wedding but she refuses.
this is just the highlights there is soooo much more. what do I do to pet her from ruining anything else! Any advice is appreciated. Thx 🙂
Post # 3
Your situation sounds complicated. What do you mean by you have offered to give her money not to be in the wedding? You extended the invitation to her and now you want to take it back in exchange for payment??
Post # 4
@Jdtakb: wait…shes your SIL…why would her brother pay her for anything? and why would you pay her not to be in your wedding? you can kick her out if you like!
Post # 5
@Vikstar: not like that… She Has been asking us for $ to pay for her wedding and complains about not being able To be afford ours or hers. we offered to reimburse her for the bridesmaid she ” bought ” fort our wedding so she could pay for her wedding but she insists on being in our wedding party….
Post # 6
Her brother has been the family father figure for years..yet he is in his early 20’s… Messed up but he wants help her if he can?
Post # 8
Hrmmmm… If she’s getting married, she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet IMO.
Post # 10
@Jdtakb: aw don’t think that! Family dynamics between siblings can be very different. Perhaps sit him down and frame it as ” I want to have a family with you. Our kids need to be your only children so you’ll have to let your sister grow up now. ” Do you think that would work with your SO?
Post # 11
I’d just stop giving her money, the guy awful, she’s trying to 1 up you. I know you think you’re helping, but you’re enabling her, you’re helping her marry an abusive man. She’ll be tied to him making it so much harder to get a way out.
You need to tell her you’ll help with things like any DIY projects, setting up, other weddingy things, but not with money. You’re paying for your own wedding and have your own life.
Talk to your FI, and come to an agreement. She’s going to drain your funds to try and out-do your wedding.
Post # 12
I forgot to add, maybe don’t kick her out as a BM/MOH. If she’s not going to do it, then that’s a shame, but I think she’ll need your support and to not feel like you guys don’t love her, especially as this guy is so awful.
It really sucks that you’re (and she’s) in this horrible situation.
Post # 13
If she is being physically and emotionally abused please encourage her to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If her safety is at stake this issue goes way beyond her being a bad bridesmaid. You can also call the hotline yourself to discuss your concerns and find out how you can best help her. Their site offers some resources as well: http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/how-can-i-help-a-friend-or-family-member-who-is-being-abused/
Post # 15
we offered to reimburse her for the bridesmaid she ” bought ” fort our wedding so she could pay for her wedding but she insists on being in our wedding party….
I don’t even understand what this means. Did she actually pay for the dress (I assume that’s what you mean by “bridesmaid”) and now you’re offering to buy it from her, so she can use that money toward her own wedding and not be a bridesmaid in yours? Or did she not pay for the dress, and that’s why “bought” is in quotes?
Your whole post/situation is pretty confusing. I think you need to emotionally detach from this situation. Don’t give her $$. If she shows up on your wedding day in her bridesmaid’s dress, voila, she’s in your wedding! If not, she’s not. Try not to worry about it until then.
She is NOT the worst bridesmaid/SIL ever, for the record. The problems with her involvement in your wedding don’t have to be a big deal unless you make them a big deal. The real problem is with her abusive relationship.
Post # 16
@Jdtakb: I’m sorry but your FSIL is in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and your biggest concern is her ruining your wedding?! Wow.