Worst Bridesmaid/ future sil ever!

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

Your situation sounds complicated. What do you mean by you have offered to give her money not to be in the wedding? You extended the invitation to her and now you want to take it back in exchange for payment??

Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee

@Jdtakb:  wait…shes your SIL…why would her brother pay her for anything? and why would you pay her not to be in your wedding? you can kick her out if you like!

Member
381 posts
Helper bee

Hrmmmm… If she’s getting married, she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet IMO.

Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee

@Jdtakb:  aw don’t think that! Family dynamics between siblings can be very different. Perhaps sit him down and frame it as ” I want to have a family with you. Our kids need to be your only children so you’ll have to let your sister grow up now. ” Do you think that would work with your SO?

Member
412 posts
Helper bee

I’d just stop giving her money, the guy awful, she’s trying to 1 up you. I know you think you’re helping, but you’re enabling her, you’re helping her marry an abusive man. She’ll be tied to him making it so much harder to get a way out.

You need to tell her you’ll help with things like any DIY projects, setting up, other weddingy things, but not with money. You’re paying for your own wedding and have your own life.

Talk to your FI, and come to an agreement. She’s going to drain your funds to try and out-do your wedding.

Member
412 posts
Helper bee

I forgot to add, maybe don’t kick her out as a BM/MOH. If she’s not going to do it, then that’s a shame, but I think she’ll need your support and to not feel like you guys don’t love her, especially as this guy is so awful.

It really sucks that you’re (and she’s) in this horrible situation.

Member
23 posts
Newbee

If she is being physically and emotionally abused please encourage her to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If her safety is at stake this issue goes way beyond her being a bad bridesmaid. You can also call the hotline yourself to discuss your concerns and find out how you can best help her. Their site offers some resources as well: http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/how-can-i-help-a-friend-or-family-member-who-is-being-abused/ 

Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

we offered to reimburse her for the bridesmaid she ” bought ” fort our wedding so she could pay for her wedding but she insists on being in our wedding party….

I don’t even understand what this means. Did she actually pay for the dress (I assume that’s what you mean by “bridesmaid”) and now you’re offering to buy it from her, so she can use that money toward her own wedding and not be a bridesmaid in yours? Or did she not pay for the dress, and that’s why “bought” is in quotes?

Your whole post/situation is pretty confusing. I think you need to emotionally detach from this situation. Don’t give her $$. If she shows up on your wedding day in her bridesmaid’s dress, voila, she’s in your wedding! If not, she’s not. Try not to worry about it until then.

She is NOT the worst bridesmaid/SIL ever, for the record. The problems with her involvement in your wedding don’t have to be a big deal unless you make them a big deal. The real problem is with her abusive relationship.

Member
10659 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@Jdtakb:  I’m sorry but your FSIL is in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and your biggest concern is her ruining your wedding?! Wow.

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