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What is the worst wedding etiquette offense you're scared will happen at your wedding (or that DID happen at your wedding?) You know... the big FAUX PAS?
My biggest fear was that people would be OBVIOUSLY late. It happened but didn't bother me that badly.
What DID happen (that I didn't even think would) was that my aunt-in-law wore a full white dress. And none of my sibling-in-laws even brought cards (but they DID bring dates... hmmm.) Didn't even think they'd happen... but OH they did.
What are yours?
I am afraid people that RSVP'd will not show up! I will be pissed if that ends up happening for reasons other than emergencies, because that's a lot of money per person to go to waste. If people are unsure if they will go they should decline!!!
Here's the offending dress... don't let the romantic lighting fool you, her dress was 100% PURE BRIDE WHITE.
And I changed into a b&w dress for our small, restaurant reception (since I couldn't find an affordable white one) so at our reception, only ONE person wore white... HER!!!!!!!
wow. just wow on that white dress. what was she THINKING?!
and yeah my biggest concern is people RSVP'ing yes and not showing and on the flip side NOT RSVPing and showing up. *shudder*
We had a LOT of people not RSVP and show up, but since we had a small dinner reception with family after, we didn't really care and didn't really pursue non-RSVP-ers. If we had a formal reception I would have FLIPPED.
doh! what aren't i afraid of?!
let's see, i'm afraid of people rsvp'ing and not showing; i'm afraid of people not rsvp'ing and showing; i'm afraid of people bringing extra people; i'm afraid of people who weren't invited showing up; the list goes on and on... :(
Our reception is at a national park so I'm worried strangers will wander in. Bad etiquette on the part of strangers.
My SO was at my sister's wedding with his ex-wife. She left her phone on and it went off during the ceremony. 
It's funny now...but really, people. Turn off the freakin' cell phone for fifteen minutes!
@minutiae - I was at a wedding where someone's phone went off during the ceremony. And it was a very short (but nice) five minute ceremony. The phone was going off for almost half the wedding!
omg that white dress....that's....ridiculous to say the least.
aside from a white dress issue lol i would say being invited to the reception and NOT the ceremony seems a little offensive. It's never happened to me, but i read a post on here by a girl who was waiting in the reception hall for like an hour with other ppl not knowing whats going on, tummies growling only to see a herd of ppl come in and say things like 'what a beautiful wedding' and she then realized she was never invited to the ceremony! usually its the other way around...i just find it odd to have ppl come to the reception instead of the ceremony UNLESS its a destination wedding type of thing...
i hope saying this doesnt get me attacked by ppl doing thing on here...i hope i dont offend you with my opinion of an offense!! =/
I'm not married yet but I'm deathly afraid that people who rsvp yes won't show up. I'm almost irrationally afraid of it. I worry about it all the time! I know my FI's family has been known to do this and if that happens my step father will freak out on me and my FI (as if its our fault). Ah!
I'm in a state park with no parking. Everyone must park at the reception and board the trolley car I rented that will take them to and from the ceremony. I have made this clear on the invitations and on the wedding website, and will describe it in excruciating detail in the OOT bags (everyone is OOT). I even hired someone to hand out bellinis before the reception and for my guitarist to play very early. I'm afraid we'll still get people who drive and park randomly, or 80 people will wait for the last trip and delay the whole thing.
@sctigergirl81 - my brother did that at his wedding, the ceremony was only for family and really close friends (50 people) and everyone else was invited to the reception but they were aware of it. So, I guess it wasn't that bad. I'm actually really worried right now because we invited about 230 people and the church only holds 165 =/ hopefully we get enough no's that it doesn't matter - but our reception hall holds 300..if we HAVE to we mind send some people, who don't mind over there - keeping our fingers crossed that we don't have to do that (you'd be surprised by people who aren't offended by it). I was thinking all along that our church only held 125 but when I found out it held 165 I was much more relieved. I think we'll keep it under that number!
My own mother has done this, so please don't jump down my throat if you have!
I think it is totally rude for people to go to just the reception and skip the ceremony (above posts obviously do not apply to this, if some of the guests actually aren't invited to the ceremony). It's like I mailed you a WEDDING invitation.. the reception card is just an insert. I feel like if people do that at my wedding it will show they don't care about seeing the most important part of the day, but they DO want the free dinner and open bar.
I understand that last minute things come up. But honestly if you know ahead of time you can't make it to the ceremony, don't PLAN on just coming for the reception. My FMIL's friend's husband has to work the day of the wedding... so she SUGGESTED that they do that! I was like um excuse me?
I'll save my stories for my recap posts, but I went to a wedding this weekend where a guest wore a white strapless dress... with pickups on the skirt. It was cocktail length, but the tables were *really* close together (so you couldn't see that the dress was short when she was standing or walking around), and she had her hair in a fancy updo (the same style as the bride, almost), so there was more than one time that I thought she *was* the bride from the back. BAD FORM!!
im afraid of people who i didnt invite appear at the wedding. the wedding is in my inlaws house and because we will have very little control of the entrance anybody can come. im really afraid of it.
@sugarsweetpink - im actually PRAYING that people do that - like one of the other posters, our chapel only seats 120 and thats uncomfortably. it seats about 95 comfortably. im hoping people will chose not to come to the ceremony and just go to the reception (since its a 2 hour gap between the two) so i dont freak out about inviting too many people (FH side has over 20 extra folks *gasp*)
as long as my family and very very close friends are there, im golden - id much rather have 50 pairs of eyes on me than 120! :)
Oh my goodness, that's HORRIBLE! I'd be so upset! :(
My biggest fears are people bringing uninvited guests AND people RSVPing yes, then not showing. My FMIL went to a wedding this weekend where over 30 people were no-shows! It ended up costing the bride and groom over $2,000 in guests who just didn't show!
@Spaniel: Oh no! I wonder what that was about? Like, in what part of your mind do you say, "This white dress will be fine to wear." ?
well if ppl know they arent invited to the ceremony then that's ok, i just think it would be weird to send ppl an invite just to the reception and they not realize it till a little later lol i totallly understand capacity issues and keeping the ceremony intimate
and i would be totally pissed if ppl intentionally skipped my ceremony for a free meal/booze
I don't see the big deal with people choosing to attend the reception but not the wedding. Because we are Catholic, weddings in our family tend to be long and then there is often a bit of a gap before the reception. For some families attending both and is just too much. I want them to celebrate with us in whatever way they can.
No one has mentioned this, but I find it pretty rude when guests don't bring a card or a gift for the bride and groom. Even if finances are difficult, an effort needs to be made in some way to recognize the occasion.
(Side note- My grandmother never spends a lot of money on me, but always comes up with the most thoughtful gifts. She knitted me slippers last Xmas. For my birthday she gave me pieces of a quilt her mother started with a nice card inside telling me the backstory. The fabric was made from scraps of dresses she wore as a child. I can't wait to see what some comes up with for a wedding gift.)
The worst offense has to be re-gifting at weddings. My aunt was married at age 40 (first time for her, second for her husband) and she received some sheets from his sister where the package had been clearly opened, sheets taken out and then shoved back in.
I am really worried that our guests will be late and miss the ceremony. Romanians are notoriously late (cultural thing) and i've been at more than one wedding when people walked in halfway through the ceremony...it would drive me bonkers!
I am also worried about people bringing uninvited plus ones/guests with them.
I'm afraid of my schedule not working. And people not having fun. And one of my co workers bringing my boss as their date (who intentionally was not invited). We'll see. Only a few more days and then I can't worry anymore.
That the church will be empty... My mother in law 2b has been actively discouraging her side from going to our catholic church ceremony, because her religion is apparently a strong belief in "convenience and efficiency". She doesn't like that our ceremony is not in the same place as our reception and she thinks that as a result we are asking too much of people. BTW ceremony is at 2, reception at 430, and a 30 minute drive time in between. Not perfect, but not bad either.
We are having a band and I am afraid people will not dance! I guess that is just a general fear. Faux pas- I am afraid I will forget my FI family's names. There are a million of them, and most I have met only once! "Hello, Uncle _______ Um, Uncle __________" I am awful with names!
This is one of my biggest fears that I pretty much KNOW will happen. Old-school Italians are notoriously WAAAAAAY too early for parties. Like, for my engagement party which started at 5, we had some relatives show up at 4. I was still getting ready, my mom was setting up the house, it was awk. For the wedding, we're doing pics we me and my maids on the grounds before the ceremony (which is at 5:30) so I put on the wedding website "please plan to arrive for the ceremony no later than 5:15 and no earlier than 4:45" and I just KNOW that the old Italian crew is gonna start rolling up at 4 and we'll be out taking pics. I'm going to have to have one of the on-site people basically play bouncer and not let them onto the property until the appropriate time. Grr. Honestly I'd rather they be late.
The thing I was most bummed about was that 4 people didn't show who RSVP yes. I mean I know it wasn't a lot. But why RSVP yes and than not follow through? If it was an emergency I get it. I just remember looking around and seeing an empty table and feeling really bummed. But then my vendors took that table as theirs, and it wasn't a real big deal to me anymore.
I'm an encore bride. I'm pretty relaxed about my upcoming wedding, as it will be mostly immediate family and a few close friends.
However, at my first wedding, we not only had a few crashers...people NO ONE knew who just walked in (presumably for the open bar), but when the wedding party was announced, my cousin, who was one of the bridesmaids, was nowhere to be found. The whole entrance of the wedding party to the reception was stopped, right in the middle, while someone went and pulled her out of a car in the parking lot...she and her bf apparently were taking a little "personal" time.
Well, I guess this wasn't AT the wedding, but I had a cousin who didn't send out a single thank you note for any of her wedding gifts. Not a single one. BIG no-no in my family. We had our hopes up when everyone got a letter in the mail, but it was just an address change card announcing her & her husbands new house they bought. Seriously, I know people don't send thank you's as much now as in the past, but a wedding gifr? Maybe I'm just old fashioned.
@SugarSweetPink: I'm totally an offender of doing this. The last wedding we were invited to, the ceremony was in CT and the reception was 45 minutes away in NY. I don't drive as I live in NYC. The reception was near a Metro-North stop and the ceremony was not. So unfortunately I had to go to just the reception, or nothing at all.
Anyone else wearing white.... that would be the biggest faux pas. Also bringing someone who was clearly not invited would piss me off too.
Being late to or missing the ceremony.
Members of our extended family had known about our wedding plans for a year before the wedding. A YEAR. The knew the location, and that it was a six-hour drive, and our ceremony started at 4 p.m. They refused to come in the night before, which was silly, I thought because they had to get up SO early that morning, get dressed IN their outfits they planned on wearing to the wedding, and drive six hours. This was a family of six (four kids and two parents). Of course, they got lost and completely missed our ceremony, but showed up just in time to have cocktails and food! They never even apologized for missing the ceremony. I was ticked because the ceremony is the whole reason for the wedding, you know?
Oh well. I mean, I got over it, and it didn't even come close to ruining the day, but yeah, it makes my blood boil a bit when I think about it. I'm not super fond of this family to begin with, so this didn't exactly help the situation.
I'm worried that our wedding party may not all show up, and that would be terrible! My FI's brother is a groomsman and his fiancee is not a big fan of the family, sadly. She tends to be very controlling, so I'm hoping she doesn't pitch a fit to stop him from coming! MY FI would be so sad if his brother didn't show up. (I'm sad that we would even have to worry about it!)
I'm really worried about people being late too! Basically everyone will be driving from 2-4 hours away for our evening wedding in February. I'm worried that if the weather isn't great people will either not come (come ON people--- you are from Ohio/Michigan-- unless its a blizzard you know how to drive in snow), or that they won't leave enough time for slow road conditions and will be late.
I'm also a little concerned either of our families will say embarrasing stuff about our pasts. It would be bad form, but I could see it happening.
I'm scared of someone's phone going off! I've been at a wedding where it happened - twice! - and it's just so uncomfortable. I'm seriously considering putting a reminder in the programs / program basket to please turn them off. The worst incident I've seen was a wedding where someone brought their 3 year old (totally fine) but brought those giant oversized legos to keep her entertained during the ceremony - totally not fine! No kid can play with blocks quietly, and she did exactly what you would expect - stacked the legos into a stick and started whacking things with it...right in the middle of the vows. Then the dad didn't even try to take her outside until another family member whisper yelled at him, and made the mistake of taking the stick away from the child, who of course started to cry. All of this happened right in the middle of the vows, and I felt soo bad for the couple. On top of this they'd hired really awesome videographers to document the wedding, and I'm sure they didn't get any clear recording of the vows being said. The bride is an amazing person though and totally took it all in stride, and had a fantastic wedding anyway.
I'm worried I'LL be late for my own wedding! LOL I'm usually pretty good with being on time but I know that day I'll be a bundle of nerves so I'm hoping I'm not feeling faint, or throwing up or my nervous stomach doesn't come into play before the ceremony. I think Tums & Immodium will be my BFF's that day ;).
I'm also really worried that with our large group - the hotel might run out of booze. It happened at my MOH's wedding during the after party and they had to send 3 busboys down to the 24/7 Mobile mart thing to buy 30 packs of beer! HAH!
Most of the things mentioned above wouldn't bother me, although I have to agree that bringing a +1 to a wedding when you weren't invited with one is bad. When you think about seating & stuff... not cool. And no matter how much you're hurting, you can go to CVS & buy a 99cent card. Bringing absolutely nothing, not even a card with well wishes is pretty bad.
We had a couple that showed up late to our ceremony, but I didn't even notice. It wasn't until they apologized for it at the reception that I found out. They didn't draw any attention to themselves, so it didn't bug me.
We also had a couple of wedding crashers, who came in and danced to one song before leaving, but again, didn't bug me. I thought it was funny.
I think the thing that annoyed me the most was when we were trying to take pictures at our site and another wedding party appeared out of nowhere and held us up during our picture-taking. Definitely not cool - we'd booked it and paid for it to be exclusive!
i'm worried about two things--about 25 people are coming to texas from ohio and i'm afraid there will be a blizzard and they won't make it (i care the most about the bridesmaids and my family).
i'm also worried about people showing up who weren't invited. We are trying to keep it under 100, but I'm afraid more people will show up. The venue can only hold like, 115 inside. So I'm a little freaked about that, and I think it's tacky to say you aren't coming and then all of a sudden show up. They can sit outside on the patio if that happens--we're doing table assignments! :)
also, i think its tacky when people don't sent thank you cards. we got someone a shower gift, and got a thank you card for that. we also got them a wedding gift, and still haven't gotten a thank you note. that was 4 months ago. i dont care that you already sent us one, we got you TWO gifts!
I can see maybe not going to the ceremony due to travel, etc, etc.. but there is NO excuse for doing that my wedding- the ceremony and reception are both in the same venue and there is no gap in between. I sent save the dates months in advance, the time has been posted on my wedding website- please, if people want to go to the wedding they should have planned accordingly. Not just take part of the day off from work and then, oh look at that you're JUST in time for dinner! How convenient for you!
And thank you notes- I was a bridesmaid in FI's sister's wedding and I did A LOT for her bridal shower, bach party, and wedding.. not to mention I spent a ton of money on everything. I did not get a single thank you note. Nothing. I think she sent me a text message after the bridal shower. Like, okay whatever don't thank me for planning and helping you- that's fine (I guess). But she didn't even send them for any of the gifts we gave her and her husband. And we were very generous. And the crazy part is she sent ty notes to everyone else! I seriously have never been so insulted, I'm still ticked off about it lol.
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