Post # 1
I’m not huge on favors, though I have come up with a few ideas that I like. That being said, when I think about spending money on them, I don’t feel like anything in my mind can really top a donation to a charity. And of course, we’ll put a small card at everyone’s seat telling them a donation has been made and to what charity.
Obviously, people feel differently about certain charities, so we’d just have to do our best picking something we’re comfortable with. We’ll likely have some packaged desserts to take away if people are really into that, as well.
Are there many bees that really don’t like a donation in their honor? Would really love to hear your thoughts.
ETA – I would definitely not say to someone we made a donation ‘in lieu of a favor.’ I get that that’s strange.
Something like this…
Post # 3
IMO donations are a personal thing. If you want to donate and not give favors, you should feel free to do so. However, when couples pass around cards about it, it’s unecessary and I feel like they’re bragging.
Post # 4
I am not a fan of most wedding favors. Often a great deal of money is spent on things nobody wants or uses.
On the other hand, something bothers me about couples making a donation “in lieu of a favor”. If you don’t want to do a favor, don’t do one. If you want to donate to a charity, donate to a charity.
But why do you have to tell your guests you have donated? Whhen I donate to a charity, I don’t post notices making sure everyone around is aware that I have done so. To me it always comes across as the couple wanting appreciation for something that should be done privately and from the heart without the need for public recognition.
Post # 5
I have no problem with a charity donation in my name if I support the charity, but I get annoyed when someone makes a donation in my name to a charity I don’t support. I feel that a lot of times it looks presumptious, not kind. I’d rather no favor than a charity favor.
Post # 6
Similar to the others…. no favor necessary but if you donating to a charity of your choice “in lieu of a favor” … it doesn’t sit well with me. Seems…. smarmy I guess.
If you want to donate to a charity of my choice though, different story! Give me a card to fill in the blank with the name of the org and you can send me the confirmation later. Awesome! Also my charities aren’t the common ones so giving me 3 popular choices wouldn’t be the sane. I take issue with many of the popular charities… serious issue.
Post # 7
Honestly, it would depend on the charity. There are definitely charities that I don’t support and wouldn’t appreciate the bride and groom making a donation on my behalf. I also have no problem with couples skipping favors and donating to charity instead, but I think it’s a bit AWish to tell everyone that’s what they did.
Post # 8
I would much rather a donation over a knick-knack. Most of the favors I receive at weddings are pretty crappy and just get left beind, they are a waste of money. You are spending sooooo much money on the wedding, its nice to do something to give back to those in need.
ETA: You should choose a charity or orginzation that is important to you and your Fiance and also not controversial.
Post # 9
@VAwife: @julies1949: Wow, good points! I never really thought about it as a bragging thing at all (who knows, we could’ve donated $5 total), I just thought it was a nice gesture to donate in someone’s honor. In honor of their relationship to us, but I definitely get what you’re saying. I will have to reevaluate.
@Pollywog: Also a good point, thanks.
Post # 10
I agree that it’s best just not to do any favors. Plus what if it’s a cause one or more of your guests doesn’t believe in, not that you would pick something controversial. If you’re donating something in someone’s honor (this case your guest), it probably should be something your guest is actually passionate about. And it would be impossible to donate to a charity that is significant to every single one of your guests.
Post # 11
Since I consider being invited, fed, generally entertained and presented with the opportunity to eat cake, a favor. I honestly find the entire exercise one of futility, frustration and unnecessary expense. I don’t want a bottle opener, or a shot glass with YOUR names on it, or a sapling that will die a horrible and searing death in the back of the car where I forgot it, then cause me crippling guilt when I find it in a little pile of brown needles next spring….I just wanna watch you guys get married, maybe cry, totally kiss and then get drunk and dance BADLY with you until the wee hours of the morning!
Post # 12
@joya_aspera: Totally get what you’re saying about ‘in lieu of a favor.’ I would never put that on a card, should’ve specified. I’d just say hey, we made a donation in your honor. And I get what you’re saying about the charities, we’re not fans of the common ones you see too (no American Cancer Society, thank you!). I was thinking Moxafrica – a charity working to find relief for those suffering from TB through moxabustion herbal treatment. But yeah, it might just be too hard to find one…
@AmyFarrahFowler: My thoughts, exactly. I generally don’t read much into it and appreciate that I don’t have to feel bad about leaving something behind.
Post # 13
We did a charity favor, although we had several other take-home items, such as photobooth photos, that could be considered as favors. Contrary to popular practice, we did not do charity notices at each place setting; rather we had a simple sign by the guestbook that let guests know what’s up.
My wedding has been the first we’ve attended that had charity favors and we didn’t receive any negative comments from anyone. As a guest, I personally wouldn’t mind charity favors as we usually don’t take home our favors, if we can help it. However, I think if it was an organization I despised, I may feel offended, but not so much that this was given in lieu of favors but more that the couple supports this cause. By causes I despise, it would have to be something really generally offensive, like a hate group.
In addition, I probably wouldn’t really care for a couple that practically announced it from the rooftops that they donated. I think it’s okay to let guests know especially if it is a lesser known organization that could use the support (e.g. local animal rescue groups with very little publicity) but a small, tasteful sign or card is enough; I don’t think you need to include it everywhere they look in big letters.
Post # 14
@Heartly: I haven’t been to many weddings and I am not sure I’ve received favors at any of them so I would not be expecting one. I suppose now that I know favors are customary, if I saw that card with the donation info I would probably go ‘meh’ and not give it a second thought.
I think you’ll get responses ranging from ‘great idea!’ to ‘depends on the charity’ to ‘meh’ to ‘you guys are showing off’ etc.
Some people might think you’re being cheap by giving to charity instead. Obviously your heart is in the right place, but I think this is a touchy subject for many. If it was a charity I didn’t believe in I would probably wonder what the point of you advertising it was and say ‘well good for them’ in a condescending tone.
Post # 15
It would depend on the charity.
Post # 16
For me it depends, both on the charity and the couple. A bride who lost a relative to cancer or a groom who battled cancer giving a donation to a cancer charity is great. There’s a connection to them personally and it’s a great cause. Or an animal loving couple giving to the ASPCA works for me too. What doesn’t work for me is when a couple makes a weird random donation to a charity that makes no sense to them as a couple, then it just seems like a pointless show. A donation is fine if the charity connects to who you are as people.