- 3 weeks ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Long time reader, going annon for this. TL;DR at bottom.
I work for a large Fortune 100 company. Moved across the country to work here. It seemed like a great place to work my first year. But things have changed significantly.
I won’t go into many details, but I’ve recently learned about the term “gaslighting” , and that is exactly what I am experiencing from my direct manager, and I believe from our general manager as well. I’m an empathetic, caring person who isn’t great at setting boundaries for myself, so this isn’t my first go-around with workplace bullying.
I’ve dedicated 110%+ of myself to my job. I’ve covered for maternity leaves, I backfilled a position for several months while management tried to find a<u> </u>replacement for someone who left. I’ve taken on additional work multiple times, with ZERO incentive or extra compensation.
I’ve become obsessed with work. And it’s taken away from my home life with my husband. I already suffer from the following clinical diagnosis: anxiety, depression, Pure Obsessional OCD and panic disorder. For the past 7 years I’ve had it relatively managed through medication and therapy, but over this last year, my condition has gotten worse.
My manager is hot and cold, but at least 50% of the time shoots down my accomplishments, and definitely is gas lighting me. I’m on edge all day long, and carry obsessive thinking home with me. It’s destroyed my self worth, and I’ve become a shell of a human who spends 60% of my time worrying about everything. There’s a group of my team considering going to HR with our concerns.
*That said, I do have stellar performance reviews. My last review, my manager said I was doing great, and had no feedback for improvement.
What this had led to…is a bottle neck. Where it’s gotten worse, and I had the opportunity to take FLMA/short term disability. I’m currently seeking help through increased medication and intensive outpatient therapy that I’m really enjoying. I’ve just started my leave this week, but I’ve realized how much my toxic work environment is contributing to my mental health. We’ve had a few people in my department quit already, because the toxic nature really hasn’t been good for anyone.
My husband and I have made the decision to sell our house, and move back across the country to be with supportive family and friends as I continue to recover. We live in a hot market, so our house should sell very quick. What I’m concerned about, is the timing of my leave. I’m currently using my leave appropriately, seeking help. But I know from my employers stand-point; leave is designed to get better, then to return to my duties at work. (Although, I know that any job can lay someone off at any time, without considering what that employee has going on in their life. It’s a business transaction.) It is also extremely helpful that right now we are not at the loss of my income, which is also a tricky part.
CONTEXT: FMLA: job protection. SHORT TERM DISABILITY: Salary covered 100% by the insurance company of my employer, and as far as I know, not required to pay it back if you don’t return. It’s part of my benefits package that I’ve paid into.
Is it un-ethical to list our house while I am still on medical/FMLA/short term disability? Or do I need to disclose this to my employer and quit? My husband thinks that I should continue 2 more weeks of the outpatient program. Then return to work for about a month, and put in my notice while we go through the closing process on our house. I would be bummed to not complete the full 5-6 weeks of the rehab program, but my intense obsessive thinking is really getting to me….”what will people think. Will I get in trouble. Will everyone be disappointed in me. I’m a terrible person. I’m abusing this….etc,etc”
If you have read this far. THANK YOU. Please know, I want to do what is morally correct. But I also know I need to keep my mental heath a priority, which I haven’t been doing. I should also mention, there has been no room for promotion. The last promotion, they offered to someone outside the company earlier this year.
TL;DR: Read the “QUESTION” section down, if you were in a highly toxic work environment that could lead to jeopardizing your relationship with your husband eventually, you were on medical leave and know you don’t want to return to work after it ends, what would you do?