Post # 1
i have been with my SO for just over a year. We live together and have talked of weddings and marriage and babies etc. we have similar timelines and he is 31 and I am 29. Thing is we both started out late enough in our respective careers so we’re not flush with cash at all. SO is starting a business early next year that will require a sizeable loan from the banks and I’m still in student loan hell!
i have told him once that I don’t want a huge expensive wedding, I want a personal and creative wedding and an elopement (€13 at the registry office I’m told!!). i said that I didn’t want money to put off getting married etc. Im a hopeless romantiC I want to do it for love I said to him! It’s ok, he’s rational and logical and grounds me when I float away 🙂 anyway, he mentioned that this is the type of thing that takes a lot of pressure off his shoulders about it all – this is a good thing I presume??
My question however is this:
i do not wear a lot of jewellery. One ring(or two on one finger!), a necklace and a watch Would be enough for me – and that’s if I’m going out. Actually I kinda worry that because I don’t wear jewelry that if I get engaged that I’d lose my ring!!! Back to the question. I have an aquamarine stone yellow gold ring that is in a horrible old, crude setting. My mother gave me the ring but I don’t think she ever wore it! I love the light blue of the aquamarine and I also love rose gold and have seen an amazing modern setting that would really suit my stone. and I was thinking that I could mention to my boyfriend (a ‘no pressure at all’ conversation) that if he chooses, he could get my stone reset into this rose gold style that I love! I had gotten a price from a jewellers as I was thinking of doing this myself. So the price is about 600-1000. Very reasonable I think!
While telling him that I do not wish to pressure him, I want it to be his decision when he’s ready, do you think that giving my boyfriend the stone, the picture of the ring I love, and my ring size for future keeping. Do you think this is rude? Insulting to his manhoodness of earning for his family. It’s just that I don’t want money to get in the way, and I really don’t want him to feel like I’m pressuring him either (Irish men). He doesn’t freak out easily but this might? I dunno !!!
Post # 3
@FAisms: welcome to the hive!! I don’t think it’s rude of all-the ring you’re thinking of sounds lovely. Mention it! That said, if he protests I wouldn’t push it. Just bring it up and see what his attitude is. People are funny about these things so all you can do is ask! Good luck!!
Post # 4
That sounds amazing! I’m 75% sure your FI will LOVE the idea (and the price!)
Post # 5
@wrkbrk: thanks! I love these boards, they satiate my wedding/marriage fantasies!
Yea, I think il have the ring taken apart so the stone can be examined etc and then maybe have the chats with him in a couple of months! he likes direct conversations so I just say it like I said here. And leave him to ponder on it 🙂
Post # 6
@BrandNewBride: thanks! I’m glad you think it’s a good idea! I worry that some men take it personally but he’s not all that materialistic. 🙂 so he may not mind at all. It’s the brining it up thing that I’m probably most worried about! I’ve always let him be the one that brings up wedding talk!!!
Post # 7
Yes, you should mention it. And, if he seems to not like the idea, you can always end the conversation with the suggestion that resetting that stone into some other ring would make a great gift for you, regardless of whether it is an engagement ring.
Post # 8
If you want to give him the stone go for it i say!
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
@FAisms: if that’s what you really want for an engagement ring, then I think it’s perfectly fine to say so. If you’ve had open conversations about it, then a “when the time comes” conversation should be okay, too. If that’s what you’d be comfortable wearing, and that’s what you want, he should know. Take all the pressure / guesswork out of it.
I gave my FI a clipping of the style I liked when we’d been together for a couple years as a “someday” – he kept it in his wallet forever – and then we randomly tried on rings at a jeweler’s one day. two years later, I got the proposal, with the setting that I loved.
Post # 10
Everyone is different. Some guys would probably think that’s great, while others maybe not so much. I would for sure sit down and talk with him about it…personally, I think it’s a great idea! Just make sure when you do talk with him you let him know it’s not meant to put pressure on him…:) Good luck!!!
Post # 11
My FI was ready to start talking marriage earlier than I was and we had discussed when we would get engaged for a long time, so I knew it wouldn’t freak him out too much if I gave him ideas.
I started emailing him links to things I liked about 2 years before we got engaged, always with a subject line like “this doesn’t mean I want you to do it, but just in case, here are some ideas” because I would have freaked a little if he bought a ring already but I knew we would get engaged eventually. He usually didn’t respond to my emails but I didn’t care.
Last year he told me to send him my final choices, telling me that I wouldn’t be able to change my mind. I didn’t think the proposal would be that close or that he would even buy something yet, but he knows I will always change my mind if given enough time, and wanted me to set it in stone. He should have known my ring size already from a ring he got me years before, but I reminded him in the final email what it was.
He still got to choose the final design and had to have it custom made since it’s rose gold and the jeweler didn’t have anything already. It’s super simple (and perfect), so he really couldn’t have done anything different, but I think he is still proud of it and feels like he made it despite how specific I was.
I say go for it! It should be your ring as a couple, so discussion is good.
Post # 12
@maribee: i mentioned the ring last night to him, he smiled and said – “puppy first!” And that threw me!! I mean we’ve talked about marriage and babies before…! I wonder was that A stalling tactic :-/
Post # 13
@FAisms: I think its a fine idea. I know my fiance would have rather I done that than the run around that I went through.
Plus aquamarine looks amazing in rose gold. Its one combination that I really want to have one of these days.
Post # 14
@FAisms: I think it is perfectly fine!
I went for a moissanite that my then-FI & I boght together, but had a had another stone in mind, I totally would have mentioned it &/or brought it to the table!
Post # 15
That sounds like a really responsible way to go and not at all pressuring. It’s great that you could have an open discussion about it. I would tell him how much you love the stone and “if you were to ever think about a ring for that finger, it would be great if you could use this stone ;)”
Unless he feels very strongly about choosing the ring I’m sure he will love the idea.
Post # 16
Great Idea I would discuss it with the FH to see how he feels