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If you guys are friends, I think it's totally okay for you to talk to him about this. Let him know what happened between the two of you and tell him that it would make you uncomfortable to have her at your wedding. Tell him that you really want him to be able to bring someone, but that she would definitely not be your first choice, for obvious reasons. If he's a good friend, he should understand! I think it's totally reasonable of you not to have someone who has harrassed you and seems to actively have negative feelings towards you at your wedding. Who needs that?
Maybe you could just talk to him and express your concerns. If you let him know how you're feeling, rather than just saying "don't bring so-and-so", he may be more inclined to not bring her.
I don't think, etiquette-wise, that you can tell someone that they can't bring a specific person. However, does your friend know about the harassing emails the girl sent you? Perhaps that might make them think twice about bringing her as their guest.
Even if he does bring her, how much face time will you really have with your friend and this girl? It's quite possible that you will hardly notice that she's there, and it would take a lot of balls for her to misbehave herself at your wedding.
He knows about her messages...Her friends sent me messages also. She had forbid him to talk to me while they were dating (meanwhile I was in a serious relationship with my now-fiance so it made no sense) and has harrassed other girls he is friends with, as well as other girls he dates.. From what I know of this girl, she loves to make a scene...kinda wish I hadn't given him a +1 :(
I think that if he is a good friend, he will respect your wishes and either bring no one at all, or bring someone different. IF you explain how you feel about him bringing her
I think it's pretty safe to tell him your concerns.. i don't think that you even have to flat out say to not bring her. It sounds like he's just keeping her around for some booty to be honest, since he's dating multiple girls at once. He probably wouldn't be into the idea of traveling far with her for this one day anyway.
I would just talk to him and let him know that you're concerned he's going to bring her to the wedding and that she's going to make you uncomfortable based on past experience. I'm sure he'll understand. I wouldn't just all out say, "You can't bring her..." Just say there's something bothering you and you just want him to be aware of your uneasiness towards her. I'm sure he'll appreciate your honesty and will respect you by not bringing her.
Honestly, he would be an idiot to bring her. Is your friend an idiot? If no, then he isn't going to bring her and you don't need to worry. She sounds like the last person on the planet you would take to an out-of-state wedding for an opposite sex friend, much less one she has harassed.
As long as yall are good friends and you can level with him about this, I think its appropriate. I think it could come off as really rude or inconsiderate if he's someone you aren't close to, but I think I would understand if I were in his shoes. You really don't want drama on your wedding day...
Talk to him about it...let him know you'd not be comfortable with her there. He may say, 'oh i wasn't even planning on taking her!', knowing she sent you some nasty messages in the past.
Seriously though, guys are MUCH cooler with this kind of stuff than girls...he'll just probably be "yeah cool no biggee!"
I would talk to him and let him know your concerns. I think you have some very valid reasons for not wanting this chick there!
I think you should just explain your concerns to him as soon as possible!
Just be honest, upfront and explain your fears. You are just preventing drama on your wedding day and since you two are friends it shouldn't be an issue.
Better now then the night before the wedding...
good luck!
I agree, talk to him... just ask casually if he's found a date. If you start with.."hey, don't bring (annoying ex's name)" and he's already asked her, then it might be awkward for you both. If he says that he hasn't asked anyone yet, then you can say that you'd prefer (annoying ex's name) wasn't his choice.
really, though, you can't restrict him, only make your wishes known...good luck!
Considering the fact that not only are they not serious but he's dating other people. I think its fine to ask him to choose someone else. I would of been harder if this was his one and only. Does he know that she tweaked on you before? If so, he probably already assumes she's not the one to take to your wedding.
At first was going to say let him take her, but after reading both of you posts, I say ask him to not bring her. How did she (as his guest) come up anyway? I'm just wondering if perhaps he wondered if you might not like the idea of her going, and was testing the waters.
I would be upset too, paying for the dinner of a girl that was harassing me on fb. Ridiculous. Of course if he isn't discrete about it, she might find out that she's not goin because you don't want her there. That probably won't help things. Maybe try to make sure he handles it as delicately as possible.
tell him the situation. maybe he isn't aware of it. then ask him not to bring her.
so I talked to my friend tonight. To answer some of your questions, he had never told me that he was bringing that girl; I just sent out the invites and if i was going to say something i wanted it to be before he asked anyone. However, I notice that she posts on his facebook all the time really lovey-dovey messages so i thought there was a chance.
As it turns out, he hasn't seen her in a year and she just stalks his facebook and he said it would be way too awkward to take her. so, problem solved! thanks everyone for encouraging me to talk to him rather than stress out over it :)
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Hi. As a general rule, we did not put "and guest" for our single guests due to budget and space restrictions. However, a friend of mine is coming from way out of state and will not know a single person, so I made an exception. i used to date this friend in college (FI knows, it was nothing serious, and we have been platonic friends for 6 yrs), and a recent girlfriend of his sent me some harassing messages on facebook last year because she snooped through his call log and saw that he had called me. anyway, they broke up but still date casually, and I am afraid he will take her as his guest, but that would make me extremely uncomfortable.
since she is not his gf, just one of several girls he casually dates (he thinks they may get serious again one day, but he doesn't want a committment currently), would it be rude of me to request that he bring someone besides her?