Would it be rude to host a small breakfast just for our side's OOT relatives?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yeah that sounds kind of rude. I get the practicality of having an earlier gathering for those who must fly early, but it definitely feels like you’re dividing people into little camps and hosting competing events. The easiest solution would be to host a single event, earlier, and welcome all. Brunches are known to start whenever they want and go all day, so perhaps the bride’s family would be willing to agree to open their home early enough for folks who wish to visit before a flight, but plan a fairly leisurely menu that can be enjoyed till well past noon for those who wish to sleep in. Stuff like quiches and frittatas will last a long time if you keep them at a consistent serving temperature, and poached eggs can be made in a few minutes with low effort if you keep water simmering all the time.

Post # 3
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsTweet:  Rather than host an event, which is likely to end up with hurt feelings, why not just invite your family members to meet at a restaurant that has a private room for breakfast? You can still pick up the tab. That way it sounds very informal, not an invitation required event.

Post # 4
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You should ask the bride’s family if they can start earlier, and offer to help. A wedding should be about togetherness. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

It seems a bit rude to host an event that excludes people when no one else is doing so. Plus, everything Horseradish said. 

Post # 6
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t see that as being rude at all. You aren’t even hosting this at your house. You definitely can visit with just your family and in this case treat them to a meal.  Sounds like there are already two wedding related events planned besides the actual wedding where both sides can get tohether and meet and mingle. 

I wouldn’t specifically invite the newlyweds because that feels like pressure to attend. Would your son reallywant to hang out with extended family after being with them at several events and now just being a newlywed? Rather, I’d very low key tell him that if he wants to see everybody before they all go back out of town him and DIL can come to relative’s home at xtime. 

Post # 7
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I also don’t think its rude. I also don’t think the bride’s family to join – that really unnecessary. The brides family/grooms family doesn’t have to spend every waking moment together, plus this gives you time to de-stress and talk to family you might not have had a chance to interact with. I also don’t gree that feelings will be hurt: you’re just getting together with your family.

My mother had small brunch at the hotel with OOT relatives. DH and I were not there so I wouldn’t invite the newlyweds (if you do – I can see it as being exclusive and rude). It was a way for my mom to all catch up with her family and shake off some of the stress of the wedding. It wasn’t really advertised, but more of if you wanted to join us we’ll be eating at 10:30, etc. 

 

Post # 8
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

If these people can’t make the one the bride’s parents are hosting I don’t see the problem.

WHAT I do see as an issue is asking the happy couple to be up, dressed, and ready to entertain the morning after their wedding.  I’m a MOB and I think it is important to keep what is being asked of  them the day after their wedding in mind.  I think your heart is in a nice place regarding your family who has to leave early, but you may be asking an awful lot of the newlyweds.

Post # 9
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I will also jump on the “I don’t think it is rude” side to have a breakfast for your family that you don’t get to see very often. I would just mention it to the bride and groom about the breakfast and that you would love to see them, but don’t be disappointed if threy cannot make it.

Post # 11
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s not so much that it’s for only your family; it’s that the two breakfast/brunch gatherings are at roughly the same time. It gives the impression that the two sets of hosts are not willing to host together.

Post # 12
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It doesn’t sound rude at all, IMO. 

Post # 13
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I agree with hermom. I wouldn’t ask your son and daughter-in-law to get up before 10am on the morning after their wedding. If they go to both gatherings it doesn’t leave a lot of alone time for them on thier first day as husband and wife.

Post # 14
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I thought it was rude that my MIL held a breakfast for only her side of the family the day after the wedding.  It was Easter Sunday and I had to tell my out of town family to make other plans.  I totally understand that she couldn’t afford to invite all of my relatives, but it did make it very awkward.

Post # 15
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I agree with Horseradish and hermom.

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