Would it be wrong to ask my FMIL this?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

Jeo4500:  no it’s not awkward! You guys are like family now, and it’s a joyful occasion! I’m sure she will be happy to do so. 

Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Jeo4500:  Broach the subject with your MIL the next time you talk with her.  I don’t think you have the right to demand it but you can request it and see what she says.

Also, you could offer to pay for your mom’s taxi since it will be dropping her off at the hospital anyway and you can ask someone to take the money or card to the car to settle the bill and escort your mom back to the delivery room.

Post # 4
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If they have enough of a relationship, I think it would be totally fine. It will be such an exciting moment for both of them that your MIL would probably not even mind.

Post # 5
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This a huge “it depends”. I can totally seeing my SIL requesting that, but it not being reasonable at all for me to ask.First,  how close is your mom to you FMIL? If they know each other reasonably well, it is way more acceptable than if they’ve only met a handful of times. Second,  how on the way/out of the way is your mom? If you FMIL is driving past your house to get to the hospital,  or it is 10-15 minutes out of the way it is one thing, an hour is totally different. 

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Your OH comes across as hugely unsupportive. I hope he’s not expecting free babysitting in future if he is prepared to deny your mother the pleasure of her first moments as a grandparent on the grounds that “it’s her fault she can’t drive”. 

Of course you should ask your FMIL. The worst she can do is say no!

Post # 8
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Doesn’t sound like a huge inconvenience,  so I would ask. My mom and MIL are only cordial, but I think they would do this for each other under your circumstances. 

Post # 9
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Jeo4500:  If I were your FMIL, I woldn’t mind at all.

Post # 10
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would say that as long as it’s not out of the way, it’s fine.  Your mother has just as much of a right to be there as your MIL (if not more – after all, it’s her baby who’s in labor), and if you MIL is a nice person, I would expect she’d understand that (in my opinion, it would be super selfish to say “Well, she’s on my way, but it’s not my responsibility – she can pay for a cab.”).

Post # 11
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I think once you are pregnant it’s totally ok to ask your MIL. I wouldn’t ask yet because you aren’t pregnant and you also said your mom wants to move closer to you so it seems like a moot point for now.

I think your DH is being kind of a jerk. With the attitude he has I’d tell him that if your mother isn’t at the hospital for/after the birth then his mother certainly won’t be either. He’s not being very respectful to you or your mother.

Post # 12
Member
2311 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Even if your mum can afford a taxi ride and there are a myriad of busses around the time you end up at the hospital, I still feel that you should request your FMIL if she can pick up your mum on the way IF they both have a good relationship with each other. If they hate each other then obviously no and you should compensate your mum.

It’s a family thing in my mind. They are both going to be grandmas. I don’t see why they can’t travel together and help each other out. They are already family so to speak. They will probably enjoy talking about their newly minted status on the way there.  

Post # 13
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Jeo4500:  Then it is absolutely fine to ask! I would have no problem and would expect that my MIL or mom would gladly do it for anyone.

Post # 14
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think it’s fine to ask, but a bit strange.  I wouldn’t broach anything though, or worry about it until I was pregnant.  I mean what if your mum lives next door by then or something?    Your mum getting to the hospital is easily sorted so it’s not really something you should worry about ahead of time.

Post # 15
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Jeez, what’s up with your husband? I agree with a PP that he does sound very unsupportive. 

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