Post # 1
I recently found out my first boyfriend, who I had been really serious with, has a 1 year old, out of wedlock. It bothers me! Why should I care- I have a most wonderful FI that I am happy with. Maybe it is mixed emotion- it ended badly between us and there was no closure. I just can’t believe it- I guess it would have been easier for me to accept if something led up to it… like first comes marriage? We were one another’s first. I guess I feel like I thought I taught him better than that. It weirds me out. And, I wish I didn’t know! Darn Facebook- he started messaging me one night and I hoped it would be innocent, light chatting. I guess I feel like someone just grabbed him right away so he couldn’t get away. Does anyone else know how I feel? Would it bother you, do you have a similar story?
Post # 3
Well I have experience with this one. My ex husband remarried the day after our divorce (cheater) and she had their baby 3 months later.
How did I feel? Horrible. Worst part is he used the name I picked out had we had a little girl for the name. (Alexandra) I remember crying for days.
Fast forward a half decade into the future. She is divorcing him now, that little girl is precious and I love her alot! She is after all, my sons’ half sister.
She spends the night at our home sometimes and she loves me alot. My ex is background noise barely, that’s all. He ended up doing the same thing to her too.
I get what you say that didn’t you show him that wasn’t the way to live/do/act? I had hoped my ex would have cleaned up his act after our divorce for the sake of my son and the new baby, but he didn’t.
Time heals everything. Trust me it does.
Post # 4
Well I never had any special feelings towards an ex. But if I did, I would probably feel funny about it if I wasn’t with my FH.
Post # 5
My common sense says that it shouldn’t bother you. He is an ex for a reason and you should move on. Truth is I still get a little upset when I find out that exes from GRADESCHOOL are married or are living happily ever after LOL I know it’s retarded and I have no feelings towards them whatsoever but I guess I just feel like they were “mine” first. I get like that towards guy friends that had a thing for me but I never went out with them too!
Post # 6
@bellenga- Thanks for your story. I think in some weird way I feel like I failed- because so much pressure was put on me to be with one person, marry my first etc. Rationally, I know the the mother that taught me those impossible high standards never came close to reaching them (she’s been married 4 times!!!)- but emotionally sometimes I still get caught up in them. I think I feel like I failed in some way because I didn’t stay with him- because of those irrational standards that were pounded into my head. Some “values” placed upon me in childhood just die hard. @JennyChicago- you are right- he IS an ex for a reason. He was abusive and had severe manic depression and clinical depression. I have to remember that reality- not get caught up in some unachievable, unhealthy standards placed upon me by an unhappy mother who’s life and actions fall far short.
Post # 7
I think it would depend on who the ex was, i.e. how serious I had been with them. Before DH I had one boyfriend who I would have considered marrying and having children with (if not for a bunch of complicated factors of course) – I would probably feel a bit strange if he started impregnating other girls because that was something I imagined doing with him. But others I wouldn’t care at all. Being happily married myself probably means I don’t care as much as I would otherwise 🙂
Post # 8
@mountain.bride- yeah, I think it was hard because we had been so close and engaged (although without a proper ring…). It was definitely deep and serious. But I know our relationship became a negative thing, so I know we weren’t right. It is just hard though! Some things just die hard.
Post # 9
I was in a 6 year relationship (from 17-23) – he was my “first” – but it ended on bad terms (he ended up drinking a lot, getting mouthy w/ me, lying, probably cheating….). He is now engaged to be married next year to the same girl he left me for….
If I found out they were having babies I’d be so emotional – even though I LOVE my FI to death! When they first got engaged I cried my eyes out (even though I was already engaged w/ a house). I think it was the simple fact that he had talked marriage w/ me for so long.
Post # 10
@bellenga– My name is Alexandra, so I bet she IS precious and adorable!!! 😉
And @cbee, my ex love of my LIFE from college, the one who I could NOT get over, the one I spent 5 years of my life with, trying to get him to give me a real commitment, is now dating a 45 year old (we are 24) divorcee with 4 kids. He has an instant family and seems very very happy, but WHY? WHY couldn’t it have been me? Even though I was in a happy relationship at the time, it still stung to hear about him being so fulfilled, especially since it was something I felt he never gave to me.
Post # 11
Hmmm. My brain says “he’s your ex, you shouldn’t care” but i know it doesn’t work like that. My ex is now dating a chick with a kid. All i can think is “man that sucks. Talk about baggage”. So….I guess you could try to spin it like “well, i guess he knocked the girl up but didn’t marry her. Sucks for him!” if that helps. I dunno. I never slept with my ex, but then I found out he was telling everybody he “got some” from me, so I don’t feel too nicely about him. But, he’s an ex from over 6-7 years ago. I’d have probably felt differently if it were more recent.
Post # 12
I pretty much agree with ejs4y8….an ex is an ex for a reason, and I’d be glad knowing it wasn’t me that he got pregnant….imagine having to deal with that for the rest of your life! I do have an ex that I dated off and on for about 7 years, that I still care a lot about (but now only as a friend….and that’s why he’s my ex :), and if he got someone pregnant now, I’d be happy for him….and hope that he finally crossed into that point in his life where he is happy with himself and where he is. 🙂
Post # 13
I know I would be upset if this happened with one of my exes. The one I had an on again off again relationship for years. He never wanted kids which was a deal breaker for me so if he had one by accident, I would be very upset.
Post # 14
I dont know, I think I’d have to be in the situation to know how I’ll really feel, but for the most part I dont think I was inlove anyone of them enough to care.
Post # 15
no.. i don’t care whether my exes have babies, airplanes, drug problems, walk in traffic, own their own businesses, etc. They could have a sex change operation, and i’d be like, HM! That’s great. And be done with it. Ex is Ex, haha.
Post # 16
i would have to agree with picturemeurs…i have cared for my exes (and yes have told them in the past that i loved them) but i dont think it would bother me at all to find out one of them had a kid, let alone out of wedlock…first thing I would think would be, wow, that must suck if they werent ready for that to happen.
i firmly believe ex’s are ex’s for a reason, so anything that happens to them in their life should have no effect on me (minus finding out some horrible news about them, such as an unexpected death or sickness.)