Would it bother you if your FI didn't like your mother?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@MrsViolin:  If FI disliked anyone in my family for essentially no reason, he would not be my fiance. I could never be with someone who did not like my family.

Post # 4
1109 posts
Bumble bee

I’m in this same kind of situation, but instead it’s me. It’s not a dealbreaker in my relationship and I don’t think it should be.

I think it speaks volumes of his love for you that is genuinely making an effort to try. After 30+ years of marriage to my mom my own father doesn’t exactly ‘like’ my grandfather, but they are civil to each other and bond over talking about the news.

And you’re right, he’s marrying you, not her, and maybe with time he can come around to liking her, but I don’t think it should be the end-all to your relationship. You’ve known your mom all your life so naturally you know her better and have had more time to understand–he hasn’t.

Post # 5
8679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think something like this should be a dealbreaker. He’s marrying you, not your family. Just like you’re not marrying his family.

If my husband didn’t like my mother, I’d just shrug it off. He doesn’t have to, because she’s my mother.

ETA: All I expect of my husband is to be civil. I expect that of anyone.

Post # 6
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

I think a lot of my feelings on the topic would depend on if he had a good reason to dislike her, but as long as he could be civil and didn’t openly bash her in front of me, then we wouldn’t have an issue. 

Post # 7
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Hyperventilate:  +1

I know that there are things about my mom that my SO doesn’t like.  I do appreciate that he is nice to her and makes an effort to get to know her.  I don’t think that your FI has the opport

@MrsViolin:   I know that there are things about my mom that my SO doesn’t like.  I do appreciate that he is nice to her and makes an effort to get to know her.  I don’t think that your FI has the opportunity to do this as they can’t really communicate.  I think it’s nice that your FI does at least come around and makes the effort.  My previous BF wouldn’t even do that, we dated 6 years and he avoided my mom like she had a contagious disease.  UGH!!

Post # 8
8518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

It would bother me, but only because my mom has done so much for him.

But honestly…. I dont like his mother. I think she’s racist (I’m white and they’re black,) I dont like the way she raised him, I just dont like her. She apparently doesnt like me either though. She’s only “met” me twice, and both times she kept her back toward me and I never even saw her face. She wont let me in their house either.

Its obviously not a dealbreaker for him, so I shouldnt treat him any other way if he didnt like my family.

Post # 9
5818 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MrsViolin:  It would be important to me, but I dont know if it would be a dealbreaker. My concern would be his lack of empathy. My Mom is very different from DH’s family. She is very opinionated and gets into my business. In the beginning DH had a hard time with that (his family is very hands off). But over time, he saw how much my Mom loves me and loves him. She really has good intentions. 

English is also a second language for my Mom. Yes, she sometimes slips into Japanese, but I just translate and he doesnt take offense. He’s also tried to learn a little bit of Japanese. It really made my Mom feel good and scored some major points with my family in Japan when we visited. He’s learned maybe 5-10 words, so not alot. But it really showed he was making an effort. I also think your FI would cut your Mom some slack for her English mistakes if he tries to learn her language and sees how hard it is. 

Post # 11
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsViolin:  If he has respect for her, that is what matters. It’s possible to care about and respect someone without liking them.

Post # 12
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well Idon’t like his mom so I really don’t care if he likes mine or not. To be fair my mom has a much nicer personality than his, and is a much nicer person, so I do think he likes her. I’m just happy that he likes me!

Post # 13
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Hyperventilate:  This. I would expect him to be civil but if he did not like her than I would just shrug it off, he doesn’t have to, he would just have to be respectful and civil. 

Post # 14
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MrsViolin:  depending on the reason no it wouldn’t bother me really. 

Post # 15
6457 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

This would not be a deal breaker for me. As long as he is polite and respectful I could look past the fact that he doesn’t like her.

Post # 16
825 posts
Busy bee

All he needs to be is polite and respectful. He doesn’t need to absolutely adore her.

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