Would like some opinions, I'm no writer but here is my first attempt.

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Tdpd07:  It seems very long. It does sound a bit more like a wedding vow, than like a proposal… maybe limit the amount of times you reference typical vow material (ie: “in sickness and in health” and “rich time and poor times” 

 

God bless if you can remember that entire thing with out pulling out a piece of paper. I dont think it matters as much, as to what you say, but how you say it. I am sure she will know all of that love and thought that you have put into your proposal. It is very sweet that you are spending so much thought and time on it. 

Post # 4
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@SparkleBee11:  I think these ARE his vows (he’s posted under ‘Ceremony’)…

Post # 5
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Tdpd07:  Can’t belive it’s your first attempt! I really like them – she’s going to happy cry for sure 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ksus07:  Oh as vows that is def amazing then!!! 

Post # 7
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Tdpd07:  I think it’s beautiful,  but would be more powerful if you could make it about half as long. Focus on your VOWS, I love vows that include the phrases I (solemnly) vow, I promise, or I will. But whatever you say I’m sure your bride will be unbelievably happy to hear you say it 🙂

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