Post # 1
First, let me say that I have no issue with my husband hanging out with his friends without me. I take “girls nights” and he has his “guy nights”, no problem.
He has a formal event coming up in December. I, of course, would love to attend as it’s open bar, delicious food, DJ, etc – just like a wedding, but no couple! It sounds like a blast to me – and why wouldn’t I want to spend that time with my hubby?
He has told me that no other wives are attending so I am not allowed to come, either.
We just received a thank you note from a couple who’s wedding we attended (a friend of his) and they wrote, “We can’t wait to see you in December at the formal!” so WTF is that?
Also – this is my birthday weekend. My birthday is during the week, but I always celebrate the weekend before as Christmas always comes before the next weekend and people go away, etc. So – I will be celebrating my first birthday as a married woman without my husband.
In the past, he has also claimed he was going for a guys night to a sporting event. Next thing I knew – I saw pictures from the night which clearly involved girls (his friends girlfriends/wives, lol, not random girls!). He claimed they came at the last minute. He knew I was sitting at home alone – so he easily could have invited me too.
Would this annoy you if your husband told you that you “weren’t allowed to attend this fancy, awesome event because other guys have chosen not to bring their wives?”
Post # 3
Uh yes that would definitely bother me! He lied to you so you wouldn’t go with him, you need to sit him down and tell him what the other couple told you, that you know he deceived you and how it makes you feel.
Post # 4
As much as I understand there are night that are “guys” night– if my husband didn’t want me to attend a formal event where the invite was extended to me- just because the other gf’s/wives weren’t attending– I would not be OK with that. I would expect that he would want me to be there– as his wife AND his friend.
I’d also be pissed if I found that “the wives just showed up at the last minute”?? Like what- are all the other wives friends and they planned just showing up at the last minute?
My husband’s in a bowling league, and a couple times one of the other guy’s gf’s or a wife will show up to hang and have a beer- the only time I’ve gone was the week after our wedding. We didn’t go ona honeymoon, but spent the whole week together. I just went with and had a few drinks and then we all went and had drinks somewhere else! I also know that technically, I could show up any night at bowling and he’d have no qualms!!
Post # 5
That sounds a little shady. Any other suspicious activity?
Post # 6
craigslistgirl: Absolutely not. Trust me, lol – this event is fraternity brothers + their guests, so it’s not like he’s meeting girls there, etc.
Edited to add: He’s in his 30’s, not in college – just an anniversary formal for his frat that they are all attending.
Post # 7
This would totally annoy me!
Post # 8
weatherbug: yes!!!!! What’s his reasoning for it?!
Post # 9
Bettyboo1982: He says none of his close friends wives are going to be attending, so he wanted to go alone to hang with the guys all night.
Post # 10
Yes. But to be honest, I’d be more hurt than annoyed.
Post # 11
weatherbug: If it’s just a guys thing, then why make it formal? It seems weird that it’s a formal event, but couples aren’t attending… I just find it strange that a bunch of dudes want to hangout in tuxedos by themselves…?
Post # 12
weatherbug: Wow… Yes…. There would be a shitstorm in the household if I was treated like that.
I think you should have a heart to heart with your husband, tell him how that makes you feel. Good Luck!
Post # 13
If it’s an alimni or frat/sorority thing only I could understand (would still be annoyed). Sometimes frat stuff is like that.
Post # 14
Hmmm, I think this is a tough one. How well do you know his frat friends? Maybe he is concerned that the other wives won’t be there and he’ll have to “babysit” you. I’ve brought my FI along to events where he hasn’t known anyone, but I’m lucky that he has great social skills and makes friends without me having to do introductions all night. I’ve taken out past boyfriends before who have hung off me all night and felt left out if we talked about stuff that they couldn’t relate to which is a bit annoying if you just want to catch up with old buddies and talk about old times.
As far as the other time when wives came out of the blue, that’s happened to me before when FI organised a boys weekend away camping with his male friends and family members. I of course didn’t go and was happy not to even though it was a major holiday, however a bunch of the wives girlfriends and KIDS decided last minute to go! i was so pissed and felt excluded, but I spoke to the girls and they genuinely did decide to go last minute (and they weren’t invited, they just didn’t want their other halfs to have a weekend without them much to the annoyance of the guys). If these wives are friends with each other then it is possible they did that.
If this is a pretty isolated event and he often takes you places with him then I would let it go.
Post # 15
If you’ve been invited to attend, then you can attend. So what if his buddies’ wives/girlfriends aren’t there? You’ll meet other people! He can still hang out with the guys for most of the time, it’s not like you’ll cling to him the entire evening. Why doesn’t he want you there as his wife and friend, period? I understand having guys’ night, but this is starting to seem like a pattern… I think you need to have an honest talk with him.