Post # 1
By the time Fi and I get married (2015), my littlest niece will be 2/3. Obviously I’d want her to be the flower gir. I have another niece who I’m really good friends with. She’s like the little sister I never had. I’ve been thinking about asking her to be my bridesmaid … but I don’t know if that’s a good idea. She’s very young, and an adamant “good” girl. I’m worried that it will be a very uncomfortable experience for her because 1. she will be the only college age kid there, everyone else will be in their late 20s ; 2. she’s uncomfortable around partying and stuff, and I know there’s going to be some crazy wild times – especially at the bachelorette ; 3. she has no idea what being a bridesmaid entails and I dont want to push anything on her.
So I thought maybe a good solution to having her still be involved in the wedding (besides just attending) could be having her as the ring bearer, and she would hold my littlest niece’s hand down the aisle? That would be symbolic because she is my favorite niece (I know I’m not supposed to say it … but I think everyone in my family knows anyways) even if it’s not traditional. It also helps that she’s very petite (4’9″ and not going to grow anymore) and still looks like a little girl.
If you saw this at a wedding, would you think it was cute/sweet or would you think it was weird?
Post # 3
I would think it was weird. She can be a BM and not have to participate in the activities she’s not comfortable with.
Post # 4
I personally would be a bit offended to be asked to be a “ring bearer” when I was in college. She doesn’t have to participate in any activities that may make her uncomfortable. Plus, lots of people come out of their shell and “good” girls that aren’t into partying and drinking now will do it in college. Since your wedding is 3 years away, I think you should address the issue when the time is closer.
Post # 5
If I were her, I’d be way more offended/weirded out by being asked to hold a position usually reserved for five-year-old boys than to be around cocktails and penis necklaces for an evening. She might read it as you think of her as a child. Junior bridesmaid would be better, if you really don’t think she would want to be a bridesmaid. But you could just ask her. If she doesn’t want to do it, she can just say no.
Post # 6
yeah ask her to be a junior braidesmaid–that way she can opt out of whatever activities are uncomfortable for her.
Post # 7
I agree with just making her a BM and letting her opt out of the raunchier/wilder activities as needed. For example, my SIL is quite the partier and her friends are all loud and fun, but can be out-of-control. When she gets married and if I’m in the BP, DH and I already agreed I will likely opt out of the crazy festivities like the bachelorette party but stick around for the more sedate things, like the bridal shower. As a college-aged girl, I think even the option of a junior BM is a little odd since she’s not really a “teen” anymore.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s weird, especially if you let her wear the same or a similar dress to the bridesmaids, and if you let her stand up there with you when she’s done walking the little one done the aisle. Just be careful to dress her in something that makes it clear that you don’t think she’s a little girl. Let her know that you need her to do this job, as the little one can’t be trusted on her own. I’m twenty-three, and would not be offended if someone asked me to be the ring bearer in their wedding!
Post # 9
I would definetly ask her to be a BM and she doesn’t have to go to the bachalorette party if she feels uncomfortable or is underage.
What are you expecting from her? “she has no idea what being a bridesmaid entails and I dont want to push anything on her.”
I just had my bridesmaids there to celebrate with me and the only thing I asked is they had to buy their own dress and shoes. A college student could handle that.
Post # 10
Being 4’9 and “looking like a little girl” doesn’t mean you should treat her as one, and in fact it’s kind of insulting. She is an adult treat her like one. I did my first wedding in college and it was fine. Being a bridesmaid is really not that complicated or difficult. If her values conflict with the kind of bacholorette you want to have she doesn’t have to attend. She can go to dinner with you guys then leave early, or just to the bridal shower.
For my cousins wedding some of the more relgious cousin decide to sit out the bachlorette party and no one even the bride blinked an eye.
Post # 11
I agree with many PPs. I would ask her to be a BM. I know I would personally be upset if I was asked to be a ring bearer if I was of college age. I also agree that she could simply participate in only the activities that she feels comfortable. I’m pretty goody, goody myself but that didn’t keep me from my older cousin’s wedding activities when I was in college. 😉 Also, I don’t know how old she is now, but she could very well loosen up in the next three years. I know I got a lot more comfortable with partying as I went through college.
Post # 12
Weird. Ask her to be a BM and she can decide what she is/isn’t comfortable with and participate accordingly. I bet she would love to be a BM!
Post # 13
I’d just make her a regular bridesmaid. I think if I were in college and was asked to be a junior bridesmaid I might be offended. Just let her know that there will be some debauchery going on, and she can come if she’s ok with that.
Really, I’m kind of sick of all the titles anyway – I’m just going to call all of mine “attendants” and if people are upset that there isn’t some sort of hierarchy, they can suck it (might be a touchy subject).
Post # 14
I personally would be a bit offended to be asked to be a “ring bearer” when I was in college.