Post # 1
i’m at the point in the planning process where we have to figure out our ceremony. we found an officiant (one of FI’s best friends from high school), and she asked the other day if we’d thought about our ceremony yet.
so i was thinking this morning.
when my cousin got married, they had a quaker ceremony. it was awesome- people were welcome to stand up and speak, and then the bride and groom signed a quaker marriage certificate. i also have seen jewish ceremonies where they sign a ketubah (upon browsing etsy for ketubah ideas, i’m in awe of the beauty of the designs).
and i was thinking, it would be nice to have that. we aren’t quaker, we aren’t jewish. but i love the idea of signing a “contract” of sorts, with our vows and promises to each other on it.
would it be culturally insensitive to do something like that? knowing that we aren’t part of either of those religions? we’re christians, but aren’t exactly denominational (i was raised methodist, as was he, but my family has been attending a congregational church for like, 15 years, and he attended a few different types of churches in his teen/young adult years).
Post # 3
A ketubah is a traditional Jewish marriage contract written in either Aramaic or Hebrew (although it usually includes an English translation). If you’re not Jewish, it wouldn’t make sense to use a ketubah during your ceremony. As a Jew, I think it would be very disrespectful.
Post # 4
I think it would be wierd to sign your vows. Why not do what they do in the UK and sign the actual marriage certificate in front of your guests, and have your witnesses sign it too in front of everyone. That’s what they do in the UK and I really like that.
Post # 5
@colorofmyheart: I think it’s a sweet idea, and and as long as you make sure it doesn’t say thing about Quaker or Jewish beliefs, I think you should be fine.
In fact, I don’t think a lot of people would even notice that it was originally a Jewish or Quaker thing. I thought of this for my wedding too based on some of the same things I saw on Etsy that were non-denominational.
Post # 6
@Miss Wellies: oh, it wouldn’t be an actual ketubah. i agree, that would be completely insensitive. i’m sorry if i gave that impression.
@Atalanta: i think we have to file our certificate before? i can’t remember. i didn’t think of that. i will look into that.
@MrsSkeletonKey: it would be non-denominational for sure. i’m still brainstorming.
Post # 7
Isn’t that what your marriage certificate is? I’ve always seen it be signed during the ceremony.
Post # 8
Super cute idea! Make it your own and go for it!
Post # 9
we signed the marriage certificate during the ceremony. I say just do that. Cultural appropriation (incl. religious) is not just insensitive, it’s unacceptably disrespectful.
Post # 10
@Atalanta: I think I just found out this is not done everywhere? I thought this was common practise for all weddings, hmm.
@colorofmyheart: OP I think you need to steer clear of what MrsWellies said, don’t get a ketubah or anything, but make our own. Say, I would find it offensive to sign a ketubah, but if the couple maybe had their vows printed up nicely, maybe for a decorative piece to compliment a guestbook piece, I would not.
Just, make it VERY much your own!
Post # 11
I see no problem with writing down your vows to each other and signing them at the end. You’re not doing it for any religious sake, but for a personal sake. As an athiest, there are so many parts to a marriage ceremony which have a religious background, but I am not mocking them by doing a traditional ceremony even though I don’t believe. Of course, the word “god” won’t be uttered, but that’s not the only part of the ceremony with a religious undertone. Even the placing of the bride’s family on one side and groom’s on the other has a religious background based on early research I did. If I were to do that at my wedding, would it be wrong since I don’t believe? Same with the tradition of the groom entering first, etc.
Make your own tradition. Decide to write your vows down and sign them without making it in any way a derivement of another religious ceremony. Just because other religions do something similiar does not take away your right to do so.
Mockery is something different, it’s mocking to make it exactly like and call it the same name as the other way.
Post # 12
@colorofmyheart: Mrs. Pony (one of my favorites!) had a blog post about using a Quaker Marriage certificate. They are beautiful and I love what they represent!
Post # 13
@colorofmyheart: Pretty sure you sign it the day of, just in the US, people sign it afterwards out of sight. I remember signing it after the ceremoney as a MOH once, it was very anticlimatic. That’s why I like the UK way, so much more ceremonial.
Post # 14
@colorofmyheart: sou ds lovely to me. Fwiw I’m jewish and woulnt be offended in the slightest if someone liked part of a jewish ceremony and incorporated it! And my friend is quaker, and she had the most beautiful wedding ceremony I’ve ever seen 🙂
Post # 15
@colorofmyheart: For the marriage certificate, you file an intention to marry and some other things, but you sign two marriage certificates after your ceremony – one decorative and one for filing purposes (how can you sign a certificate of marriage, without being married? haha!) You also have witnesses sign it, often the mothers or BM/MOH. This is always done here in AUS right after the ceremony, they have a small signing table with two seats. The signing is also a common photo-op.
Post # 16
@colorofmyheart: If it means a lot to you to have something special to display in your house with your vows/signatures then do it! My husband built a really cool cross that hung above the fireplace we got married under and now it is hanging in our house and its really special to us.