would this be insensitive?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
welliesMember
1425 posts
Bumble bee

A ketubah is a traditional Jewish marriage contract written in either Aramaic or Hebrew (although it usually includes an English translation). If you’re not Jewish, it wouldn’t make sense to use a ketubah during your ceremony. As a Jew, I think it would be very disrespectful.

Post # 4
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it would be wierd to sign your vows.  Why not do what they do in the UK and sign the actual marriage certificate in front of your guests, and have your witnesses sign it too in front of everyone.  That’s what they do in the UK and I really like that.

Post # 5
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@colorofmyheart:  I think it’s a sweet idea, and and as long as you make sure it doesn’t say thing about Quaker or Jewish beliefs, I think you should be fine.

In fact, I don’t think a lot of people would even notice that it was originally a Jewish or Quaker thing. I thought of this for my wedding too based on some of the same things I saw on Etsy that were non-denominational.

 

Post # 7
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Isn’t that what your marriage certificate is? I’ve always seen it be signed during the ceremony. 

Post # 8
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Super cute idea! Make it your own and go for it!

Post # 9
Member
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

we signed the marriage certificate during the ceremony.  I say just do that. Cultural appropriation (incl. religious) is not just insensitive, it’s unacceptably disrespectful.

Post # 10
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Atalanta:  I think I just found out this is not done everywhere? I thought this was common practise for all weddings, hmm.

 

@colorofmyheart:  OP I think you need to steer clear of what MrsWellies said, don’t get a ketubah or anything, but make our own. Say, I would find it offensive to sign a ketubah, but if the couple maybe had their vows printed up nicely, maybe for a decorative piece to compliment a guestbook piece, I would not.

Just, make it VERY much your own!

Post # 11
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I see no problem with writing down your vows to each other and signing them at the end.  You’re not doing it for any religious sake, but for a personal sake.  As an athiest, there are so many parts to a marriage ceremony which have a religious background, but I am not mocking them by doing a traditional ceremony even though I don’t believe.  Of course, the word “god” won’t be uttered, but that’s not the only part of the ceremony with a religious undertone.  Even the placing of the bride’s family on one side and groom’s on the other has a religious background based on early research I did.  If I were to do that at my wedding, would it be wrong since I don’t believe?  Same with the tradition of the groom entering first, etc.

Make your own tradition.  Decide to write your vows down and sign them without making it in any way a derivement of another religious ceremony.  Just because other religions do something similiar does not take away your right to do so. 

Mockery is something different, it’s mocking to make it exactly like and call it the same name as the other way.

Post # 13
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@colorofmyheart:  Pretty sure you sign it the day of, just in the US, people sign it afterwards out of sight.  I remember signing it after the ceremoney as a MOH once, it was very anticlimatic. That’s why I like the UK way, so much more ceremonial.

Post # 14
Member
5483 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@colorofmyheart:  sou ds lovely to me. Fwiw I’m jewish and woulnt be offended in the slightest if someone liked part of a jewish ceremony and incorporated it! And my friend is quaker, and she had the most beautiful wedding ceremony I’ve ever seen 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@colorofmyheart:  For the marriage certificate, you file an intention to marry and some other things, but you sign two marriage certificates after your ceremony – one decorative and one for filing purposes (how can you sign a certificate of marriage, without being married? haha!) You also have witnesses sign it, often the mothers or BM/MOH. This is always done here in AUS right after the ceremony, they have a small signing table with two seats. The signing is also a common photo-op.

Post # 16
Member
1433 posts
Bumble bee

@colorofmyheart:  If it means a lot to you to have something special to display in your house with your vows/signatures then do it! My husband built a really cool cross that hung above the fireplace we got married under and now it is hanging in our house and its really special to us. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors