Would this be rude/would it be an issue?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we consider the 18th?
    No : (41 votes)
    38 %
    Yes : (67 votes)
    62 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1007 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @sunshinewish15:  I wouldn’t call it rude, per se. But how many of the relatives will be attending the birthday celebration instead of the wedding? We aimed for the 25th of October 2014, it’s a good date and still a weekend 🙂 Why not pick the 25th?

    Post # 5
    Member
    2581 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    As a completely impartial observer, the 25th October is clearly the best date you could choose.

     

    No bias whatsoever.

     

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I don’t think it would be rude but I wouldn’t expect your aunt and uncle to come on their child’s birthday. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2581 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    @sunshinewish15:  Well, it has turned out that the 23rd and 24th are my parents’ wedding anniversaries (due to a registrar’s strike they had to have two separate ceremonies – a civil one and a religious one), but mainly it’s to do with the school year. A lot of my friends and family are teachers, and the 25th falls on the Saturday between the two different half term dates that they’re all spread across – so for one lot of teachers it will be the end weekend of their holidays, and for the other group it will be the start weekend. It makes it much easier for people to arrange travelling that way!

    We didn’t want a summer wedding because we’re both functionally useless when it gets too hot – we just want to go and sweat quietly in a corner somewhere with a cold drink and not do anything. Also, Autumn is so pretty, I love the quality of the light and the colours in the trees! So. It made sense, really.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7406 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @sunshinewish15:  I think you need to consider this. How upset would you be if relatives decide not to come to your wedding in favour of the 12th birthday? Because it could happen. I think it is unfair to make relatives have to choose. Especially grandparents.

    Post # 10
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I don’t think it’s *rude* per se, but if you have another date that equally works for you (the 25th or the 4th), you should absolutely choose it. I’m all for having your wedding whenever you want, and if the 18th was the only October day that worked for you, I’d say go for it, but be prepared for your uncle and aunt to skip out, and I wouldn’t blame them for doing so. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @sunshinewish15:  I would call it rude. I had a friend get married the day after my daughter’s first birthday, in Florida and I lived in NY. She actually expected me to miss my own daughter’s first birthday to attend her wedding! Yeah, didn’t happen. Never would happen. But at least she didn’t know my daughter’s birthday was the day before when she planned her wedding. With family and you know it’s his birthday and he’s not invited to the wedding…so the kid will be left alone (or with a sitter) on his birthday? Birthdays are important to kids. Don’t make your family members choose between you or him. And then your anniversary would be every year on his birthday, so how would you ever attend his party?

    Post # 13
    Member
    2581 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    @sunshinewish15:  I think in this case the Path of Least Resistance (i.e. Potential Family Offence) is the best one. I’d write off the 18th, ’cause you don’t want to get moaned at about it for years to come, families can be good at holding a grudge!

    Post # 14
    Member
    2232 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I think the 25th is your best bet, here.

    Post # 15
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee

    @sunshinewish15:  If the grandparents aren’t typically invited / attend, it shouldn’t matter. He’s at the age where he might not even want his parents around for the party. Perhaps you could give him some movie vouchers and a family friend or relative  could take him?

    That half-term date fills up quick. We’re doing October 2014 and our venue only had 2 dates available.

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