Would this bother you?

posted 3 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

well…it’s better than “this is my friend”. lol

yeah, my first husband, called me his wife before we were engaged too. I actually took it as a complement as he’s proud of me and recognizes me as his wife although i wasn’t “technically” yet but was in his mind. 

it’s a good thing. better than him not thinking it. you know the rest is coming soon, just roll with it.  and precongrats..i’m a Nov 2014 bride too!

Post # 3
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If you have agreed to marry each other, you’re engaged. Congratulations!

Post # 4
957 posts
Busy bee

You’re engaged since you have agreed to get married, however if it bothers you, I would talk to him about it. He probably doesn’t realize that you want things to be official first.

Post # 5
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You set a date. How are you not considering yourself “engaged”? I would be happy.

Post # 6
43300 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Would you be happier if he introduced you as his girlfriend?

Post # 7
134 posts
Blushing bee

my SO and I call each other husband and wife. I consider his family my in-laws and vis versa. The only time I call him my SO is on the bee. 

He he considers you his fiancée, I don’t think he does it to pass over the proposal. 


Post # 8
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I second PP.  Congratulations on your wedding!

Post # 9
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Some people get really hung up on having a traditional proposal.  The two of you have agreed to get married and have set the date, I would consider you engaged and this would not bother me personally.  Maybe he is planning on “proposing” when the ring is ready?

Post # 11
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Home


Hi, yes this would bother me.  Simply because he didn’t ask you ,and you didn’t say yes!  You need to be engaged for him to call you his fiance.  I’m sure he’s thinking of you in those terms which is fantastic, however…what is stopping him from pulling the trigger? If he likes it, he needs to put a ring on it. 

Post # 12
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You’re engaged when you’ve both agreed that to be true. Everyone has a different idea of engagement, to some it’s the asking, to some it’s the ring being offered, etc. No one can tell you that you’re engaged if you don’t think so yourself.  

Post # 14
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d just tell him. “I’m uncomfortable being introduced as your fiance since you haven’t formally proposed.” I mean is he going to get…mad? I think it’s a pretty valid concern considering your beliefs.

Post # 15
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

I’m surprised you picked a date if he hasn’t proposed yet.  That’s probably why he’s referring to you as his fiancee.  Why not just talk to him about it?  He’s not going to be able to magically read your mind on this one.  Tell him it bothers you.

Post # 16
5333 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

2ndTimeForWe:  Yes, that would bother me a little.  Have you talked to him about it?

I’m the kind of preson who appreciates clear lines, so I’d prefer that we get officially engaged before he starts telling people I’m his FI.  It’s wonderful that he thinks of you that way, but let’s get the order of operations right! 😀  Similarly, my DH and I didn’t refer to eachother as husband or wife until we were married.  

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