Post # 1
Fiance has decided he wants to try and run a couple triathlons this year. I should point out that he has only JUST joined a gym and been working out with a trainer for about 2 weeks now. However, he was always active as a teen etc, and has maintained the athletic look and ability.
I guess his brother (who is about 60lbs overweight) apparently mentioned he’d like to do that eventually too. Fiance tells me, “Well, he’s gunna have a lot of work to do, he’s seriously out of shape”. I pointed out that he’s (FI) only JUST started going back to the gym, and he’s got a lot of work to do too, before he’ll be ready for a triathlon. I also said that it’s not nice to always point out that he’s ahead of everyone else. That this is why I won’t run with him anymore bc he is always pointing out how much better or further ahead he is…
He said he’s not saying it to be mean or brag, but that when he points out that he’s in better shape than me, it’s just pointing out the obvious and it shouldn’t be offensive. But I feel like… when he points out stuff like that, I just feel like he’s criticizing, or like I’m just this big lazy blob. Or he secretly wants me to be a gym rat or something. That’s not me.
I’m not overweight really, but I could definitely stand to lose a good 15 pounds. He knows I’m really self conscious about my weight and he tells me tonight that I’m just making excuses when I tell him why I don’t want to join the school gym (which may be partly true… but it’s tiny, and full of 18 year old jersey shore wannabes). It just makes me mad bc in nearly 6 years of dating, he has not been an active person at all, until he joined the gym last month. All of a sudden he’s so into it…
I don’t know what I’m looking for in writing this… I know I need to work out and get active and take care of myself better.. And I plan to start using the treadmill that I have here at home once I’m done my midterms this week. I just hate that Fiance lectures or talks about just how “obvious” it is that he’s in better shape than the rest of us… grrr.
Post # 3
I think it would bother me if he was constantly having that attitude.
I mean, he is just starting something new, so he is probably just exited.
If this attitude continued, though, I’d have a serious talk with him about how he’s hurting my feelings.
There is always two sides of the story. Before confronting him, try to think to yourself if it is his attitude what is bothering you or that you feel bad because you think you should be exercising and you are not.
Try to relax a little bit! As I said, he might just be a little too exited about this! 🙂
Post # 4
Haha my Fiance sounds the same. He gets into these health kicks and starts telling me that I shouldn’t eat something that we both in the past enjoyed. At the moment he doesn’t mix meat with carbs, so if I’m feeling like a steak with mashed potatoes, I need to be prepared for the “health” talk, lol
Post # 5
Why does he feel the need to point it out if it’s soooo obvious? Sounds like he’s just kind of being a jerk…sorry.
Post # 6
Yes, this would definitely bother me!
Post # 7
It might seem obvious to him, but he needs to judge whether his words have a positive effect or not. Saying he’s so far ahead serves no purpose other than to bring himself up and therefore bring you down. I’d tell him I wouldn’t want to hear those sorts of things again.
Post # 8
I think it’s mostly my mood I guess. He really isn’t purposely trying to make me feel bad, I think he’s just feeling proud of himself and into himself right now. He can be a little arrogant sometimes, but I’ve always known that… and he’s got such a good heart.
I do feel down on myself lately bc I’ve gained those 5-7 pounds, and I’m worried about my dress fitting and I know I should be working out and trying harder if I really want to lose those pounds… But I’m comfortable with waiting til it warms up in spring so I can run outside. I think him pointing stuff like that out just makes me feel more self conscious and more worried about how he truly sees me as opposed to what he tells me. Like, he always tells me that I’m beautiful and don’t need to lose weight, although could be healthier (I’m a terrible eater too). But I wonder how much is honesty and how much is him just being a great partner and trying to be supportive… :(.
Either way, After I told him that it wasn’t nice to tell me how much he’s in better shape and his response was that he was ‘stating the obvious’, things got real quiet so he learned pretty quick that that is not a road he wants to travel down
Post # 9
@MrsPhilly: Yes, that would annoy me SO much. That said, I’ve just realised this is exactly what I did (unwittingly) to my own fiance this weekend, so thank you for opening my eyes!
Post # 10
i think the only thing i can add to this would be you need to do this for yourself, not for anyone else. if you feel bad with yourself only you can put it right.
im a long distance runner and currently training for a spring marathon, so i know how you feel about not wanting to go out in the dark and cold, but trust me, the hard bit is getting out the door to start with. but just think how much better you’ll feel with yourself once you walk through your front door knowing you’ve been for a run. there are some nights when you dont want to work out or run and just want to stay in but only you can decide how badly you want this.
im sorry that this probably isnt very helpful but its the truth.