Post # 1
We just found out that my MIL has a lump that she’s getting biopsied today. The possibly of it being cancer is very real, and it got me thinking. If we knew one of our parents wasn’t going to be around long, would we move our baby plans up sooner? I know my parents can’t wait to be grandparents.
Our current plans are to wait 2-3 years… But I feel I’d always regret it if one our parents became terminally and our baby never got to meet their grandparent. (Obviously I understand you never know what life brings, but an illness does give you a bit of preparation as to what’s coming)
Has anyone had an experience like this? Did it change when you planned to have a baby?
Post # 3
No. I don’t believe in living my life to someone else’s timeline and if FI and I agreed on 2 years, then we would wait 2 years. I assume you agreed on that for a reason (maybe money, career, or whatever else). I totally sympathize as I have a terminally ill family member too. But you can’t change your life for that or else you are going to feel rushed into doing something you aren’t ready for, and they are still potentially going to die. It is hard and I do sympathize, but I don’t think it’s right to change something as important as baby plans for. You never know what is going to happen and while it would be great for all the grandparents to be around, sometimes that just can’t be the case.
Post # 5
No – I don’t think we would change.
We set our timelines for a reason. They put us in a place where we are comfortable as a couple in having a child, supporting all of us, and allowing me to be a SAHM. All of those things are very important to us and I’m not going to give up on them. Changing those priorities would effect us as a family for the long-term.
Post # 6
No. I don’t think you should have a baby before you are ready just because someone is possibly sick (or any other reason).
Post # 7
It depends on why you’re waiting: If it’s a really flexible reason (travel plans, “me time”), yes. If you’re not financially, or mentally equipped to bring a child into the world right now, no, absolutely not.
Post # 8
If we were only planning on waiting a year or two, and one of our parents was terminal, I think we would definitely bump up our timeline as long as there wasn’t some very good reason for us not to have kids any sooner (i.e. not financially prepared). My parents mean the world to me, and having grandkids means the world to them… I would absolutely want to give them that gift before they passed. I think there would be very little hesitation. However, this is coming from someone who is in a fairly good position to have kids already, so that might make a difference.
Post # 9
I didn’t have my dad’s parents around when I was little, and I made it through just fine. I don’t think you should try to bring children in for the sake of the grandparents as awful as it may sound. That isn’t why we have kids. You parents had kids becuase they wanted something to bring them together and wanted that family bond.
If you guys feel ready and want one then I think it is acceptable to move your timeline up but make sure you are completely ready. You obviously wanted to wait a few years for a reason.
Post # 10
@Ellejames: No. You need to live your life for you. You have no idea what the future holds for either of you (let’s be real, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow) and you need to stick to your original plan. Be ready to be a parent…don’t rush it!
Post # 11
I would bump it up, but only because I don’t think a couple years will make a big difference (financially, maturity, etc) and our waiting a couple years was semi-arbitrary (just to enjoy a couple years as a married couple before having kids, and allegedly to save up some money but let’s be real, babies are impossibly expensive no matter what) and I know my parents and his mother are all aching to have grandchildren and I’d want to help give them that if possible since it wouldn’t drastically change my life to move things up a couple years when we were going to do it anyway. If I lived my life by a strict timeline, I would have walked out on my husband before he proposed just because he took a little longer than I would have liked, I’m not the only person in my life, I like to take other people whom I love into account and understand that they are a big part of my timeline 🙂 Now if I was 20 and didn’t plan on having kids for many many years I wouldn’t do it just to please my parents, but I see no harm in moving things up a couple years to fulfill a loved one’s dying wish *shrug* *knockonwooditneverhappens*
Post # 12
@Ellejames: Only if it were only bumping my timeline by a year or two, and we were financially & emotionally ready. Alot of our goals before TTC are financial related but some are not- like traveling to specific places or experiencing certain things. If that was all we were waiting on then yes, I would seriously consider it, but if our financial & emotional goals are not met then no way. In reality, I could probably keep thinking of superficial reasons we aren’t ready to have a kid forever but eventually you just gotta let go of something & jump in….
Post # 13
Dh and I have been contemplating when to really start… but if something like this were to happen we’d definitely push up our timeline. But that’s just personal. We’re more concerned about the financial impact… when in all reality no one ever really has as much money as they want when they start having kids, unless you’re rich. So bumping for this reason we’d be a-okay with.
Post # 14
@Ellejames: Haven’t read any replies but I just for a split second pretended like it was my mom and Yes, I would try to get pregnant now. That being said, We are only planning on waiting around 4 more months anyway. What a thought provoking question.
Post # 15
@Woodstock: “when in all reality no one ever really has as much money as they want when they start having kids, unless you’re rich”
People always say this but I really don’t buy it. DH and I certainly aren’t rich by any means (we do alright but are no where near rich). But after his next promotion, we will absolutely have as much money as we want for starting to have kids. That is why we are waiting for that.
That “no one ever has enough money” statement just feels like a cop-out to me for people who didn’t plan financially or are trying to get used to the idea of a surprise pregnancy.
Post # 16
No, if that was the case I would have had children already. I would have loved to have my grandparents meet my little boy. I know they would have loved him. But I didn’t meet my DH until after my grandparents passed.