Post # 1
If you were invited to go somewhere by a single friend and your SO was requested NOT to join (or asked not to participate, etc.) would you find this offensive?
For me – I guess it would depend on the situation – but, I lean toward not being offended in the least.
I was talking to a friend of mine that has been married much longer than I have (about 12 years) and she was telling me how offended she is when people ask her to do things without her husband.
Couple examples: a single friend inviting her to lunch for her b’day. My friend said: something like – ok, where shall WE meet you – and the single friend said – actually, I’d like it to be the two of us, I’d feel like a 3rd wheel if your Darling Husband came along.
My married friend said that was so awful. And I just looked at her bewildered. Is it possible that over a decade of marriage changes one’s perspective?? Or could it be that some people like to do just everything with their spouse??
I could definitely see myself (even now being married) asking my married friend’s to do something solo and would DREAM it would be offensive.
On the other hand – if it was a social gathering or something and Darling Husband was excluded, then of course I would be offended.
But one-on-one time or Girlfriend time – especially if those GF’s are single – I wouldn’t be offended if Darling Husband wasn’t invited…
Another example was a weekend away – a couple old friends whom everyone hangs out. The one single Girlfriend made a request to this same married friend to leave the hubby at home for the weekend. The married fried complied – but not without a lot of grumbling and complaining.
Post # 3
I would never be offended at a one-on-one or girls’ night date – in fact, I think it’s weird that your friend just assumed her husband was invited to the b-day lunch.
For the camping trip, it would depend on whether it was all-women or not. If so, no, I wouldn’t be offended; it not, yeah, I would wonder what was up that my husband couldn’t come too.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t be offended. Everyone needs their girl time!! But say, if she wanted me to go on a vacation without him,I think I’d have to decline. Of course, it depends on who the friend is.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s strange at all. Now that you are married, you are joined at the hip? I didn’t get married until my 30’s though, so maybe I have a different perspective. Most of the time, I don’t mind hanging out with couples, but sometimes, you just want some girl time and you do feel like the 3rd wheel. And sometimes, their significant others are not the most fun…or they are jerks. I wouldn’t be offended unless someone never even wanted to meet my husband or never do anything with the two of us – we aren’t joined at the hip, but we are a significant part of each other’s lives…we kinda come as a package.
Post # 6
Not at all!
I think it is perfectly natural and healthy to have girl time away from your SO.
I think it is weird that this women never wants to be a part from her Darling Husband. Especially when it is one on one or just a group of girls.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t be offended. I would actually be upset with a friend if she wasn’t willing to have lunch with just me! I would either wonder if I was that boring or if she was that dependent she couldn’t handle one lunch without her husband!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
Yeah, I wouldn’t be offended by any of the situations you mentioned. If my Fiance was excluded from an event that included couples and both men and women, then yes, I would be offended if I was deliberately asked not to bring him. But there are lots of time when it’s appropriate to send him on his way and for me to go out just with a girlfriend. As much as I love him, I also really enjoy time with my ladies!
Post # 9
I love spending time with my Fiance, but I definetly wouldnt be offended if a friend wanted a girls night. In fact, I am usually the one that plans the girls night!
Now if there was a social event and he was excluded, then of course I would be upset.
Post # 10
Typically my SO gets kind of bored when I meet with my GF’s. I wouldn’t be offended if a Girlfriend requested that I leave my SO at home but typically they wouldn’t need to ask. You spend so much time talking about girl stuff, gossiping, bodily issues and boys. Why would you want your SO/DH there for that? I know for myself that no matter how much I tell him if I am alone with a Girlfriend the conversation and topics are very different then if he is there.
I could see being upset if you were excluding him from something the two of you do together often or a group of people he would normally be welcome in but if it is a one on one situation or a particular group of friends that were always yours I wouldn’t give a second thought to him being there or not.
I personally don’t feel it is necessary to be with my SO 24/7 but if you enjoy that much time with your SO then your going to need to walk a more fine line with your single friends or choose to only keep friends that are married. I feel it is unfair for your friend to feel uncomfortable because you must take your SO everywhere. If your friend is always asking you to leave your SO at home and refuses to ever spend time with him then that is a different scenario but being away from your SO is good at times and healthy for your other friendships as well.
Post # 11
No, in fact, I get annoyed at the opposite situation. I cherish my girl only time and appreciate that my friends love my Darling Husband, but I get upset if they invite him when I thought it was going to be a girls-only event. I”m probably a little sensitive about that because they are now all just getting into serious relationships and in teh phase where they cannot be separated AND my Darling Husband still manages to have his guy’s nights once a month, so I want my girls nights too darned it!
I would ONLY be annoyed if my Darling Husband wasn’t invited to a formal social event like a fancy bday party or something along those lines where there would be other male guests present. I feel like in that situation it is annoying to make me come solo just to make one of my other single friends feel better. And I wouldn’t feel right about attending if my Darling Husband wasn’t invited while other men were.
Post # 12
One-on-One lunches and Girls’ nights are nothing to be offended over. Like PPs said, if it were a social gathering or a party I’d be offended. Both my Fiance and I enjoy our seperate nights with friends.
Post # 13
@moderndaisy: I get annoyed at that same thing!
No, I wouldnt be offended. However, recently I was invited to a wedding and Darling Husband wasn’t invited. Now that I was offended by especially considering Im not friends with anyone else going to the wedding and it is 2 hours away!
Post # 14
I wouldn’t be offended. I need my girl time! My friends and I have monthly girls’ nights where we either do a potluck of alcohol and appetizers at someone’s house or go out dancing or something. I also have taken a few roadtrips with out of town girlfriends this summer to go to concerts, etc.
I think you need a healthy balance of things you do together with your SO and things you do apart. We are actually working on the things we do together lol. We both work opposite schedules and have different friend groups, but have weekends off, so its a struggle to fit in everything and everyone in two days. We fit in to each other’s friend groups okay, but he is not as close to the guys in mine and likewise. Saturday, we spent the whole day apart, and then yesterday we went to a flea market together and then to his niece’s football game where she was cheerleading. That was the first time I’d really spent any time with him in a week, even though we live together.
Post # 15
@mightywombat: This. Exactly.
Lunches, girl’s nights, etc – no problem.
Wedding, weekend trip (that isn’t specifically all girls), etc – I’d question why Darling Husband wasn’t included.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t be offended for my husband to have to stay home during girls’ time. But for other social occasions–depending on the occasion–I might be a little perturbed.