Post # 1
Good morning bee’s!!!
Here is something that I was approached with the other day & I’m sooooo not into it & I’m feeling guilty about it. : (
My soon to be step daughter is graduating grade 8 soon. Her mother is having a pre grad party that day before & has invited me & their father over. Get together totally fine!!!!!
Weird part for me… She still lives in their martial home. He left over 4 years ago & I think she’s still not over it.
Its weird for me because she tried very hard to stay in his life for first year we were together. Almost snubbing me. She still has some of their family pic’s of the 4 of them up on the walls. Her oldest told me she finally cleaned out his deodorant etc from the house (like 2 months ago)
His poster are still hung in the garage. Etc.. I want to be there for my step daughter but part of me says why can’t we do our own family event that Saturday & celebrate?? Going in the marital home will make me so uncomfortable!!!!!!!
My FI says it must be celebrated the day of & wishes I would go but gets it & we don’t have to & we can hold our own event that week end.
P.s. we are on the grad committee & will be super rushed to try & go anyway as we have to get ready after decorating gym & we are actually attending her grad to help chaperone.
Does anyone else think is weird that she is finally now in a serious relationship (few months) & 4 years after separation still has my FI stuff in house & pictures on wall??
Post # 3
Maybe she has kept some of those things to try and keep things more normal for her daughter. It might be hard on her to suddenly see all of her family photos gone. I do agree the deoderant and such is really weird though. But I would still go.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
It sounds like they had a long relationship together– obviously it depends on the motives for their split, but I don’t think it’s weird at all for a woman who created a life with a man to try and hold onto at least some part of that for a few years. Even if she doesn’t still want him she wants what he used to represent in her life.
Post # 5
I would go, but question her sanity….
Post # 6
@Cady: LoL. – that’s funny!! … & I do!!! ; ).
Post # 7
P.s. I was married for 14 years & separated a year before he did. Bet my FI would not love it if I hung a picture in our house of me, my ex husband & our kids. …I have no desire. Just wonder if he would find it odd then?? My sons has lots of pictures…. In his room!!! : )
Post # 8
I would go. You’re going for the kid, not the ex-wife.
I would think it’s weird if she had pictures up just of the 2 of them, but if they are pictures with the kids, completely acceptable. You can’t expect someone to throw out pictures of their children just because their ex-spouse is in the picture. Not only would that make the parent be missing out on memories of their kids. It’s also not fair to the kids to get rid of the pictures because both parents should still be in the kids’ lives and trying to keep an amicable relationship.
Post # 9
It’s odd that the ex is still like this but I would definetly go. She looks like the crazy one and your are their to support your step daughter. I understand feeling uncomfortable but you may need to put those feelings aside to support the daughter and also come off as the better person.
Post # 10
I think it’s fine. My friend LIVES in her fiances house – which is the house him and his ex-wife lived in. Now THAT would make me uncomfortable!
Post # 11
Have you asked your step daughter if she has a preference? I remember when I graduated high school all I wanted was to have one big graduation party, but my parents refused to be in the same room together. I ended up not having one at all because I didn’t want to have 2 seperate ones. Ask what she would prefer. I’m sure that will help your decision and make her feel a little special
Post # 12
@Westwood: Agree with this.
OP: Go and don’t let it get to you. It has nothing to do with you. It will make your FI and his daughter happy and that’s the most important thing. I understand why it will be weird for you. But maybe it won’t end up being as uncomfortable as you think. Do the right thing and go on the day. She was nice enough to invite you and if you don’t show that may upset his daughter.
Think of it as giving yourself some really positive karma points, lol.
Post # 13
ive never been in your situation, but i feel like your step daughters graduation party should be about whats best for her, so if celebrating with her whole family, you and the ex included, is what she needs, you’ll have to set aside your reservations and do it. if he can be in the same room as the ex, i think its important to avoid seperate parties if possible.
i saw a PP say maybe she kept things to make life more normal for her daughters, and that sounds reasonable to me. even if that’s not the case, i say who cares? clearly he loves you and thats all that matters (that and that hes a good dad to his kids with the ex!)
Post # 14
I think it’s normal to have family photos on the wall. No matter if he/ she remarries they will always be some sort of family as they have children together. I think this is just part of being with a partner who has kids.
Post # 15
@Brideonabudgetlauren: That is brilliant!! I will ask her!! : )
Thanks everyone!! I appreciate your thoughts!!!!! : D
Post # 16
@abbyful: “I would think it’s weird if she had pictures up just of the 2 of them, but if they are pictures with the kids, completely acceptable.”
I agree. I don’t find the photo thing strange at all. The deoderant – yeah a little weird maybe. But maybe she is a bit of a pack-rat or something and just never bothered to clean out his stuff. It’s not like she was cherishing the smell of his old deoderant every night or anything (I hope).
I honestly don’t think I would even bat an eye at attending an event for a soon-to-be step-daughter in the old marital home.