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It depends on the relationship before hand for me. If I had been close with her prior to the cheating, I would probably be friends with her. I don't think that telling other people not to be friends with someone because they hurt you is a fair thing to do. Just because the romantic relationship didn't work out, doesn't necessarily mean whatever family relationships developed have to end as well, especially after 10 years.
ETA: I was referncing real life relationships, not necessarily Facebook. I'm only friends with people on Facebook that I'm close too in real life, so I guess that I would remain friends with her on Facebook as well.
Wait a few months. If there is no contact between her and your brother and her and you, delete.
Say your sister in law cheated on your brother. But now that their relationship is over you still want to see the really cute pictures of your nieces and nephews that she posts on Facebook. That is an example of when I might still be *friends* with her.
FWIW, I am friends with my ex-husband on FB. Is that odd?
Family is first, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who treated a member of my family that way. However Facebook friends is not real friends at all. If she's just a random chick who cutted all bond with the family I'd defriend her but if there are other elements (like kids) involved I'd keep her on FB, it might be usefull later, again facebook friends doesn't mean real friends at all.
If we were friends.. I'm not sure.
My brother's girlfriend cheated. I don't blame her for finding someone else and could have dismissed the cheating (hey- it happens. She's engaged to the guy now, they had legitimate feelings for each oher).. it was the fact she led my brother on for 3 months after she broke up with him. He didn't know about the other guy and was trying to win her back- she let him waste his money and time. He was a wreck. It changed how I felt about her and thus she was unfriended.
my brother and I are very close. I would never stay friends with someone who hurt him like that.
If there are children, then yes because she will post about them. If you are close friends as it is, then yes because you have a relationship in your own right, not just through the uncle (or whomever). If they are talking about it and looking to work things out, then yes, de-friending her could just cause tension.
If there are no children, you weren't friends and only connected by the uncle and the uncle was completely done with her - then no, I wouldn't be "friends" with her.
Some people might remain friends just so that they could stalk her and gloat about how her life goes downhill after the breakup.
Bees,
Thank you. Most of you agree with me.The male that Im talking about is my FI. The break up with his ex was bad(she cheated, the relationship ended) and he only talks to her by chance(she works at the Walmart we shop at). There were no children or engagement.
But his mom, 2 sisters and neices are all friends with her on FB. I would understand if the relationship ended okay. But how it ended, I just dont understand how they all could be friends with her still? With how she treated him.
If I had a brother, son or uncle and a woman treated him so bad, no way would I be friends on FB with her.
I just dont get it. Oh well. :) I wont lose sleep on it. Just dont get it.
I guess it depends on the person who was wronged. Meaning, if the man who got cheated on was ok with them continuing the relationship, then I would probably still be friends. Granted, I wouldn't be as close to her had she not hurt the person I loved - and, it would probably only be an aquaintence type of relationship - at that.
But, I could see how cutting off all contact would be dramatic (especially if the man wronged had forgiven the person and moved on, etc.)
My older brother's wife cheated on him when i 16. I wound up spying on her and following her around town taking notes for the attorney. My family hated her, she hurt my brother she was dead to us. She stopped the affair my brother and her got back together and worked things out. It took years to even deal with her on any level, but if my brother could get over it we had to. 15 years later she has another affair, they get divorced. She is dead to us.
They have 3 kids and now 2 grand kids. My brother gets cancer and passes away. She has full custody of the youngest kid and the two grandkids. My brother was never outwardly angry at her, never spoke ill of her, he was amazing. We had to suck it up to get to see the kids ever. She's been in my life since I was 9 years old. Eventually we let go of the hurt and anger towards her. Nothing we did was going to bring him back, and missing out on his kids/grandkids growing up wasn't worth the anger.
So yes I'm actually friends with my ex-sister in law, and she in fact, along with her b/f, are coming to my wedding.
A woman cheated on my uncle right after an injury that made him paralyzed from the chest down. She cheated on him with his best friend. They were together like 12 years (never married). I still dislike her for this. She tried to add me on FB..that was big fat IGNORE!!
@HisIrishPrincess: Im sorry to hear about your brother. It sounds like it was a very difficult situation.
DH's cousin used to work at our family business. DH was the network administrator. He was doing work on the email server one day when he saw an email come in from his cheating ex-wife to the cousin. He feels incredibly betrayed. I feel that loyalty to your family is very important. The ex-wife's own mother actually refused to speak to her for a while after she found out her daughter had cheated. She called DH to apologize for her daughter's behavior and to say that she thought she had raised her better.
Well I don't have any uncles, but people need to know: You don't mess with my brothers! And if I have a son, hell no, better not even try. Assuming the woman in question was still capable of having a FB (I kid, I kid) then no probably not. Like others, if kids were involved then maybe. If it were my son, that's the maybe, because it would be my grandchildren. If it were one of my brothers, then still, no. I will see my nieces and nephews through my brothers.
I do just want to point out one thing: Being "friends" on Facebook doesn't mean that you are friends. It just means that you can see anything and everything that that person posts on FB. Is it possible that they just want to keep tabs on this woman? The same way that we "friend" ex-boyfriends and the bully at school?
No. Your loyalty is to your family member, not her. Running into her at the grocery store and chatting a little bit is one thing, but carrying on a "friendship" is another. Granted, being friends on FB is not necessarily really being friends, but the implication is there.
@2ndtime: Unfortunatly I think that "Granted, being friends on FB is not necessarily really being friends, but the implication is there." is different from person to person. Some people see it as really being friends and therefore tend to not add that many people, where as other see it as a way to be in the know and therefore add every tom, dick and sally.
The OP is trying to figure out why other would be acting in a certain way, I was offering a point of view that many have and that would help to explain their actions.
I just find it hard to believe that his sister and family would be so mean by being actual friends with his ex, it's much easier for me to believe that they are doing it because they want to be nosey and gossipy. Especially seeing as he did say that he was ok with it.
Nope dont like cheaters of any gender. I feel if you disrespect my family member by cheating you disrespect the family.
I said no but tbh it'd depend - if she had kids with the person she cheated on that were related to me then I might, to keep the peace and make sure the father and rest of the family can see the kids.
@Tickles: I could see this. When my sis broke up with her fiance, she and other sis defriended him, but asked me to keep him on my friends list for snooping!
Nope, even if we were the best of friends before they started dating. Any girl who messes with my brother just bought herself a one way ticket out of my life too.
No - I wouldn't be FB friends with that person.
It would depend on the relationship I had with her before. If she had become like a sister to me, then possibly. However, if she cheated on my son (because I have a son) no freakin' way! I might even show up at her house in the middle of the night to tp it!
I do want to add to that if I felt my brother/uncle had a problem with it, I of course would cut her out of my life! But I don't think being friends on FB counts as much of a friendship anyway!
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I just want to know if Im nuts or not. Would you be friends with her? She cheated and that ended the whole relationship.Been together for like 10 years. Then your brother, son, or uncle says he doesnt care if your friends with her. ( But does that mean he does care, but doesnt want to tell you)? Would you want to be friends with a woman who would treat your brother, son, or uncle that way??
Would you? Y or Y not?
Im trying to understand something.
Thank you bees.