Would you…

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Would you marry someone else if your FI/DH died?
    I don't see how that could be possible. : (8 votes)
    9 %
    I think I would consider it, after a number of years... : (49 votes)
    57 %
    Yes, but I would always keep a picture of him in my home. : (21 votes)
    24 %
    I'd try to move on as fast as I could. : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Other : (5 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3432 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I married someone else after my husband of 20 years left me.  And a divorce left me questioning myself, my ability to judge partners, and the whole concept of marriage more than a death would have.  So I don’t see why I wouldn’t remarry if my wife died.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I put other….I just don’t know what I would do, and I didn’t feel that “I don’t see how that could be possible” could fit…is it not possible about SO/DH/FI dying or not possible to move on?

    Post # 6
    Member
    865 posts
    Busy bee

    @AnaA:  DH and I talked about this recently and we were both really unsure.  Obviously we’d both want the other to have every chance at a happy life, even if that included marrying someone new, but what if there actually is some sort of afterlife?  How does that work?  Who do you spend eternity with?  

    For me personally, I’m not sure I could ever move on if something happend to DH.  He is absolutely the love of my life.  Honestly, I don’t think I could keep it together if something happened to him.  I think I’d probably be a danger to myself.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    No I would never date, be in a relationship with or marry someone else if FI died. And he wouldn’t date or marry someone else if I died. True love is FOREVER, not just for the life of whoever lives the shortest amount of time! That’s what I don’t like about the marriage vows that they say ‘as long as you both shall live’ or ’til death do us part’. I like how in A Walk To Remember the movie she says ‘all the days of my life’, which is more appropriate in my opinion. I will love him until my dying day, and same for him, he will love me until he dies.

    So I think it would be incredibly unfair to the deceased spouse and to the new person if you dated someone else, as you know that person isn’t the right one for you and you are keeping them from finding the right person, by dating them. 

    My view comes from growing up with two grandmothers who stayed single after their husbands died. My mother’s mother lost her husband in 1970 when she was 43. She had four children to raise, the youngest was just 10, the oldest 15. But she never ever went on a date or anything with another man. My other grandmother was 74 when my grandfather died in 1997. I was 7 years old, my sister was 3, so we barely remember him. But she is 90 now, and hasn’t even considered finding someone else.

    I admire both these women and their loyalty to the love of their life very much. I cannot imagine dating someone else after that kind of loss. Not even a few years after.

    ETA: I would of course be happy again, I wouldn’t mourn forever. But I don’t think you need to date someone else after the love of your life has died to be happy. You still have family, friends to spend time with, you don’t need to date anyone.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2630 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    There’s no way to know what the future could possibly hold and whom we might possibly meet. Right at this moment, I couldn’t imagine meeting someone else that I could love as much as my husband should the unthinkable happen. That’s the only way I’d remarry because I wouldn’t think it fair to the hypothetical next husband otherwise. 

    That being said, I think it’s possible. I believe in soulmates plural, not just one single person. I think there are several people out there for each of us whom we could love and would love us in equally deep but different ways. If I was lucky enough to have lightning strike again, I wouldn’t turn it away. Love makes the world go ’round after all.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3097 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    Yes, after a couple of years. I love Dh but I don’t believe in soul mates or that there’s only one person for everyjone.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    My mom was in her early forties when my father passed away and she never dated again. She says she can’t imagine being with anyone else and that she didn’t want to date when she was younger because she had two daughters in the home, she’s now 60. Even though she has kids, grand kids and other family, I know she’s lonely. I wish she would be open to having another companion in her life. She’s talked about it before, but I think she just never could take the first step. So, I don’t know if I could marry again after DH, but I would probably find some sort of companion..but who knows! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @AnaA:  If I fell in love again then yes I would marry but I would give myself the needed time to heal. I would want DH to do the same if I passed away.

    My great grandma elsie’s husband died when they were both in their mid sixties and she never remarried. She became very mean and bitter and I remember not being allowed to see herbecause she became physically harmful. She wrote an apology letter to everyone when she was dying saying that she hated life so much and just wanted to pass away after her husband left. She lived till she was 85….I couldn’t let DH live like that and I couldn’t live like that myself

    Post # 14
    Member
    2125 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I don’t see how I could. Since the moment I met him, I wanted him to be part of my life, and I couldn’t imagine losing him. I wholeheartedly believe that my SO is “the one” for me and no one else would even come close to that. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @AnaA:  I don’t remember much since I was only five and stopped seeing her when I was three. My mother and grandma talk about it from time to time and I am sure it was hard on them. My grandma has the letter in her office box somewhere but I have never personally read it. Everyone has healed since then so no worries 🙂

     

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