Would you adopt or get fertility treatments?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
8518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would adopt, but I want to adopt regardless of if I can get pregnant or not.

Post # 4
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I would spend the money on adopting because I don’t think people realize how much money both adoptions and fertility treatments cost. My FSIL spent $10,000 to get pregnant, and it happened within a few months of finding out that she would need fertility treatments. We once met a lady at the doctor’s office who said it cost about $5,000 for her to adopt her baby, and that was years ago. I just can’t imagine spending thousands of dollars on something that isn’t guaranteed when you could spend the same amount and have a higher chance of having the family you want.

Post # 5
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Fertility treatments, without question.

Post # 6
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would adopt any child (or a grand child or one of my daughter’s friends kids, anyone!) regardless of the fact I have my own children. I love children and I know that I am capable of loving children I did not birth. 

I worked in Haiti for awhile and the kids there are so beautiful and I wanted to bring them all home. If I had the money I would look into adopting from another country a child that they were desperate to get rid of because of some birth defect that would likely be easily corrected in the US.. 


I’m always looking at rainbowkids.com of all the kids who need a home!

Post # 7
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Fertility treatments. I am not against adoption and totally would adopt if I couldn’t get pregnant. But i would want to exhaust all options to have my own biological children first. but since we can only pick one I would pick fertility. 

Post # 8
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MrsEME:  First I would talk to an adoption agency about how good a candidate we really are for adoption, what are the odds we would actually get a child in the age range we would want and when. If I was told we don’t qualify for adoption or that we probably would be able to get a child for 5+ years anyway I would try the treatments.

Have you thought about surrogacy?

Post # 9
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@MrsEME:  I would probably lean more towards the treatments to be honest. Adoption can be a beautiful and wonderful way to build a family, but only when done correctly and ethically. I’ve read a lot of stories about children being adopted out without the birth father being properly notified – it leads to all sorts of legal dilemmas and issues for everyone involved. . . and to be honest, no matter the outcome there really isn’t a winner.

If I do ever wind up adopting, then absolutely every single law would have to be followed and I would only work with Agencies and Lawyers with the best reputations. And if the child was conceived in a loving and healthy relationship (regardless of whether the parents were still together) then both of them would have to consent willingly to the adoption before I would feel comfortable proceeding.

@beetee123:  I think the adoption fees depend on the situation. If you adopt from the Foster System then there may be lower fees involved, but if you want to adopt a healthy infant then it will cost more and the wait will be longer. Additionally, adopting internationally will also probably cost more money because of different legal requirements and travel expenses.

Post # 10
2535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I want to adopt anyway and this might actually be the case for us 

Post # 11
1233 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsEME:  Neither is an easy choice. Both options can be very emotionally taxing. People sometimes have no idea how hard adoption and adjustment can be. My inclination, though, is that I would rather give a child a chance to have a family than possibly waste my money gambling to make one.

Post # 12
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would do neither, but looking at it from the perspective of someone who would want to do one of those things, adoption would definitely seem to be the better option.

Post # 13
1436 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@LoggerHead91207:  you can adopt “healthy” kids through the public system,  fyi. Yes,  a greater percentage of kids may have issues from mothers who didn’t have a healthy pregnancy. Sorry,  I was raised in Foster care and the way your comment was phrased rubbed me the wrong way. 


I would never do fertility treatments.  I’m not attached to being pregnant or having biological kids.  I would definitely adopt, and would probably do so through the public system. 

Post # 14
1050 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

DH and I are getting ready to start IVF, so fertility treatments. We are open to adoption in the future but would like to have a biological child first, if possible. There is no reason you can’t continue to save for other things while undergoing fertility treatments.

Post # 15
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Locally we have a fertility clinic that will guarantee for $20,000 you will take home a live baby from their IVF program or they’ll give your money back… DH and I looked into it before we got pregnant… But I also looked into adoption too… I think we’d do everything we could to have a bio child before moving onto adoption…. Hard choice, everyone’s different 🙂

Post # 16
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am very attached to the idea of birthing my own baby, but I would adopt. I want a child because I want to aide in raising a fabulous person to add to the world. I’ve always dreamed of adopting, anyways, and that adoption would not take away from the reason I want children. If I wasn’t able to birth my own child, I would still have a chance of having the adopted baby I’ve always wanted. I just wanted any baby as I went through my TTC journey.

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