- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
I was recently talking with a group of about six other women. One of them was talking about her sister (I’ve met the sister, but don’t know her well) whose husband had just found out he had a low sperm count.
For some reason, this woman isn’t able to have children. Because I don’t really know her, I don’t know exactly the reasons why, but it sounded like for whatever reasons, fertility treatments aren’t an option for her.
So they were looking into having a surrogate have a child using her husband’s sperm. But now they have just found out he has a very low sperm count.
So they have decided they are not going to try for children at all AND they aren’t going to look into adoption.
Now, I realize this is a very hard time for them both and it is totally their decision to make, but I was surprised they wouldn’t even consider adoption. Of course, maybe in time, they may change their mind, but for now, it’s not an option they want to consider.
But what really surprised me was the response of the women in the group. One of them poseed a hypothetical question. If you could not produce your own eggs, even with hormonal stimulation AND you did not have a uterus or had a uterus that could not carry a child AND your husband was sterile, (e.g., if there was no way, even with medical intervention, to have a child that was genetically related to either one of you), would you adopt?
Of the six, four said no. There seemed to be a consensus that if a couple had so many obstacles that there was no way they could have a biological child, then maybe they weren’t meant to have children. One woman said yes, but only if she could be assured an infant. Only one was open to a child who was a bit older.
I was really surprised by all this. These aren’t people who decided they wanted a childfree life (that’s totally different). They are all assuming they would want children, but were incapable of having them. That would be the situation in which I’d think adoption would seem the perfect solution…but most of them didn’t view it that way.
Anyone else surprised by this? Or am I the odd one out?