Post # 1
Not sure whether this belongs in babies, bridesmaids or destination weddings…
DH and I are heading over to his parent’s house next weekend for his sister’s birthday/her boyfriend is planning to propose. Super happy for them, it’s a long time coming. She’s been ready for him to propose since I started dating my husband five years ago.
She’s talked about having her wedding in the Dominican next late spring/summer, and has always said that she would have her two friends and me as bridesmaids (as well as my husband as a groomsman). She and her boyfriend were in our wedding last month.
DH and I “pulled the goalie” as soon as we got married. We’re not taking temperatures and making sure we do it 8 times a day on my most fertile days, but aren’t really doing anything to prevent it either.
Do you think it’s fair to accept at this point?
Part of me thinks that we shouldn’t make decisions based one “what ifs” and IF anything happened that I wouldn’t be able to fly to her wedding she’d have at least 6 months notice… but I’m curious how mad you guys would be if a bridesmaid pulled out for this reason??? and I would hate if I missed out for nothing.
We’re not planning on saying anything about it unless we have to, especially to his sister, since we don’t want our parents to get more grandparerent crazy than they already are.
Post # 3
Does your family know you are TTC? If so, just tell her you would like to accept, but want to make sure she is ok with the fact that you might not be able to attend if you get pregnant and are too far along in your pregnancy.
Post # 4
oh, and I wouldn’t be mad if a BM pulled out for that reason. That would be totally bridezilla! 🙂
Post # 5
The fact that you could possibly miss the entire wedding (both of you) would probably cause me to bring it up. I know you don’t want to, but it could give them the opportunity to think about moving their date so their brother and his family could possibly attend. I know my SIL moved her wedding so DH could make it. I certainly wouldn’t be mad for this reason, but I’d be upset because I’d be willing to concede and make sacrifices so you COULD attend. It’s his sister, ya know?
Edited to add that I think my husband would’ve been livid if his sister did this to him because it would’ve been really important to have her there–even if it meant changing wedding plans. If she didn’t even give him the chance…yeah he’d have been real upset =
Post # 6
I was going to say to just talk to her about it until I read the last part about you wanting privacy on the matter… which is completely understandable and makes it a tough one!
I guess if you don’t want to say anything to her about TTC, means you have to say yes, because otherwise, why in the world would you refuse?
Unless you just tell them from the start that you won’t be able to come to the wedding at all… then if you’re not pregnant and you can go, you surprise them with your presence…
My SIL wasn’t going to attend our DW, because she was TTC. We understood and were very happy for them, we both had exciting things going on in our own lives… In the end, she didn’t get pregnant at that time and they were able to come, last minute. It just made things greater than we expected!
Post # 7
Can you just pull her aside and talk to her, one on one? Let her know that you don’t want to make a big deal in front of the potential grandparents, but that you and your husband are TTC and if you are successful, you might not be able to fly to the wedding. Tell her that you really REALLY want to be there for her and you don’t want to miss out on her big day, but this is what’s going on in your life and you’re really excited about that too! See what she says. I’m guessing she’ll still want you to be a part of the day, but this way, she’ll have a heads up and she can’t ever say that you weren’t totally up front with her. Honesty is always the best policy! Good luck!
Post # 8
I would agree to be BM if they ask, and probably not mention the TTC at the moment unless you are close enough with your SIL to discuss it anyway. You never know what’s going to happen, with either your TTC or their wedding plans. When you fall pregnant or decide to TTC “harder” (as opposed to just not preventing it) you can talk to them about it – they’d still have 8 months before the baby was born to decide what to do.
Post # 9
@egb: that’s exactly the thing. I don’t want to refuse without a reason and seem like a total weirdo.
She’s thinking May or June so provided it doesn’t happen between now and November/December, I’ll be cleared for take off in theory and it shouldn’t even be an issue. It’s just awkward timing.
Post # 10
I would agree, and then if you get pregnant, tell her one on one (and ask for her to promise not to tell). She doesn’t need to know if this was intentional or not. It shouldn’t come as a huge shock when a newlywed becomes pregnant.
Post # 11
I think guitargirl’s advice sounds like a good solution. There will still be plenty of time to tell her if you do become pregnant.
Post # 12
@SapphireSun: as a bride who just had this happen to her, i think it’s all about how you do it. I think you sound like a very thoughtful and considerate person, and as long as you treat the bride considerately she should have no problem with it. For example, I told my sister 8 months in advance about my wedding and asked her to be a bridesmaid. I’ve been really upset recently because I found that MOST of my guest-list cannot show up, and I had a lot of other upsetting things happen to me recently. To top it all off, my sister just announces in front of everyone one evening, randomly, that she just found out she was pregnant. he didn’t tell me at all that they were trying at this time and I asked her if she would be able to make it, and she said it wouldn’t be a problem. I know I should be happy for her, but the fact that she didn’t warn me at all, the fact that now she can’t come on TOP of everyone else not coming (bad timing!) was, to me, incredibly insensitive. Had she been a little more tactful about it, I think I wouldn’t have been as upset, but all in all I cannot help but feel sad and dissapointed that she pulled out (which will be inevitable). Well anyway, not to turn that into a rant about myself.. but my point is that as long as you treat her wedding and her feeling with respect, (like… warn her!) then things will be fine.