(Closed) would you also be irritated or you think i am just jelaous?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I can’t really speak to if it’s normal or not but it sounds like your friend was this way BEFORE you asked her to be a BM. As far as the photographer goes…you can fix any issues by making sure that the photographer knows what pictures you want taken. Give the photographer a heads up that your BM may come asking for pictures other than what you have specified and that they should politely but firmly decline to take them.

As far as the bridal shower and rehearsal dinner goes. I don’t see anything wrong with your BM wanting to dress nice. I am planning a casual bridal shower for my sister and she still plans on wearing a dressy sundress….we (the BMs are as well). Casual or not…she wants to make sure that she takes extra care with her appearance b/c the bridal shower is a special, once in a lifetime event for her.

 

Post # 4
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It sounds like you two are definitely growing apart (which is natural since you’re getting married and she’s — I assume — still single so you have different lifestyles now), but I wouldn’t worry too much about her sabatoging the wedding. If you’re worried about what she’ll wear to the rehearsal, maybe send out a general e-mail (to everyone in the bridal party, not just her, so she won’t feel attacked), saying something about how formal/informal the rehearsal will be and giving some suggestions of appropriate dress. And if she still wears something ridiculous? Don’t worry about it! she’ll just be making a fool of herself and you and your FI will still be the center of attention. As for the photographer, like you said, they already know what to do. If you’re concerned that she’ll ask for poses, maybe mention it to the photograher (instead of to her — again, so she doesn’t feel attacked) so if she does, he can politely say “I’m sorry, I was requested not to do posed pictures”. If she wants to take a ton of pictures with her own camera (even with random people), I’d say let her go for it. It’ll mean more pictures for you to see and remember the day (or ignore if you’d rather).

So I’d say, yes, she sounds a bit annoying, but don’t worry about it. You have enough other things to think about. Your day will be great!

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe there is more to the story.  But based on what you said, I think you’re blending issues and blowing things out of proportion. 

She called you an old lady.  Sometimes as friends, ppl think they can be a little more open or rib a little and not have others get bent out of shape.  If it bothers you just be honest with her.  And she’s not digging the way you are spendnig your time, because she isn’t on the same page as you.  She still wants to live it up.  Is there a way for you to come up with something your two can do together?  Lunch?   Movie?  And if going to a bar is something she really enjoys, can you go once in a while?  I know you want to cook and clean.  That’s great.  Can’t you take a break sometime?  Especially since your FI is at school at night.

As for the shower- typically the showers I’ve gone to have been a little fancier than capris.  Chances are if I was at your shower I would have been dressed too.  If casual is how you do it in your family, did you fill your BM in on that?  Afterall, she probably hasn’t gone to any of your family showers before.  As for too tight, revealing etc.  I can’t comment.  Maybe that would be inappropriate.

So the photographer.  I think you might have handled that rashly.  As other pp’s mentioned, you could have been more discreet talking to the photographer.  Yes, I agree that it’s not typical to have all kinds of pics taken with someone you just met.  But it ‘s a little quirky.  It’s something I could see shaking your head at… “whatever”.  But I don’t see why it’s angering you so much.

If you’re concerned about the RD, just mention to her, the formality of the occasion.  If it’s casual like the shower, say that.  If it’s more of an evening cocktail dress type thing, let her know that.  Well at least you’ll know what she’s wearing to the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think she seems to be acting out of the ordinary or with any meanness.  There is no such thing as “laser like focus” on one person at a party, so yes even during bridal events someone at some point will be paying attention to someone else, but what a bm wears is not going to pull attention from the people who are getting married.  I think you’re worrying too much.  What’s wrong with her having pictures since she likes pictures?  As long as you get all the pictures you want where’s the harm?   Where’s the harm in her wearing someine she likes as long as you’re dressed the way you want?

Post # 8
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think she’s acting weird and based on what you wrote, it sounds like either you’re blowing stuff way out of proportion or else you left a lot of stuff out.  I mean as far as the photographer goes, if you hired a professional they know what pictures you want and don’t want taken and they aren’t going to listen to people begging to take pictures of themselves.  Also, you seriously don’t want any pictures of your guests?  We hired a photographer team that way we could have pictures of all the things we may have missed, like guests arriving to the ceremony and having a great tim when we aren’t around.

Post # 9
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Bimba, I think you should take a hard look at yourself. I mean, you sound jealous of your friend… why?

I want my BMs to look at their best. I don’t want them to dress down because:

a) I don’t care if they are more beautiful than me (as a matter of fact I am happy of having beauties in my bridal party!!!)

b) I would NEVER want them not to look at their best just to outdo them (because, well, I LOVE them!)

c) it’s still MY wedding even if someone looks better than me.

Post # 11
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think you’re jealous,  just you don’t like how she acts – but honestly you have to let it go or really have a bad friendship breakup, I don’t really see any other way to go.  I had a girl at my wedding who I think got a picture with herself with almost every guest (with her own camera) – I donno, it wasn’t that distracting, for her I understood a bit more since she was from a diff country so I didn’t find it annoying but really the only way it will take away from your wedding is if you let it. 

About the outfit, people have different tastes and you’ve got to let it go, you can’t tell her what to wear.  If it’s too tight the well people will just think she has bad fashion sense but again it’s one of those annoyances that the only way it’s going to take away from any part of your wedding if you let it, and really an outfit shouldn’t be that big of a deal.  I think you’re more concerned about your changing friendship than anything.

Post # 12
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know why it matters what her dress is showing. 

You find her annoying and that’s perfectly valid, so I’d suggest you not hang out with her much in the future or invite her to things.  But she isn’t doing anything wrong.

Post # 13
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I wouldn’t be irritated. I don’t know if you’re jealous. But you’re definitely not doing a good job preserving this friendship by sending her that email. You could easily work around that by instructing the photographer. Her flaws are also not detrimental to you. It’s just her fashion sense, her overly extroverted personality, and love of attention. These qualities are not uncommon in people in general. If you hate those qualities so much, then I expect that you don’t want to be her friend.

But uou chose her as a BM for a reason. Everybody has flaws and friendship is to accept your friends for who they are and just focus on the good things. On a less important note, I also understand her desire to hang out w/ u if you’re hanging out with ur FI’s friends. It’s just friends of friends. And general social events are how people get to know new friends. Unless it’s like a personal event (e.g. showers, initmate b-day), there’s nothing wrong with inviting her casually. Co-workers, however, are different from friends of friends. Professional relationship is not as easily transferred as general friendship.

Post # 14
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you say she’s “always” been this way…then what’s the problem?  You knew that.  You can’t expect someone to change just because you’re getting married.  It sounds like you’ve grown apart which is a common friendship problem for 20somethings.  In hindsight, knowing her the way you, you prolly shouldn’t have asked her to be a BM, but that’s a moot point now because you did.  You’re going to have to accept her as-is.  As other’s have stated, your photog is hired and being paid by YOU, speak with him about what you do and don’t want him to photograph.  For everything else, realize no matter what stunts anyone pulls the focus will always be on the B&G.  Let her antics roll off your back and have a great time=)

Post # 16
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

PS – as MOH I showed up at my bff’s shower last summer in a cute sundress, and she was in capris.  Our family traditions of what showers were like were clearly totally different.  I wasn’t trying to upstage her – my mom & sister (and some of the guests) showed up in dresses too!  Her mom & gramma were in shorts and tees.

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