Would *You* Ask Your SO About This? (Money Advice)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Uhhh yes, this is a biggie. Ughh men….

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Absolutely say something. It’s just all in how you frame it. Like you said, you’re not mad, so don’t go in guns blazing, but just say to him “Babe, I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to spend money on take out food. I’ve been keeping up my end of that, and I’m disappointed you haven’t.”

Maybe the solution is to set an amount you each get to spend on take out every month? Or you agree to only get it together (so not for lunch, just dinner)?

Post # 6
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@badabing88:   Oh, my gosh, we’re kinda going through the same thing.  We (I thought “we,” lol) had decided to try and cut back on eating out so much; I love to cook, so not an issue for me. 

Welp, come to find out my dear husband still goes out to lunch almost. every. day.  Meanwhile, I’m at my desk in my office with a sandwich from home or leftovers, to save money.  

I have NOT said anything.  Mainly because I spend way, way, way more money on things like: shoes, clothes, cosmetics, manicures, pedicures, my hair, and handbags than he does.  So, in a year’s time I spend a ton more on myself than he does.  Probably, anyway.  He plays golf – expensive sport, that.  😉

I don’t have any advice, just wanted to commiserate.  🙂

Post # 7
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would most definitely say something to him about this.  $50 plus every week adds up quick! 

Post # 8
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@badabing88:  I would say something. I wouldn’t be accusatory and rude about it, but I would say something like, “it was my understanding that we were going to cut back on take-out because we are saving for x, y, and z. I assumed that meant while we were at work too, but maybe you thought it was just when we were together for dinner?

If all of your money goes to a joint account, then it is very important you are on the same page about how funds are allocated. I would definitely tell FI if I thought he was spending too much (he would do the same). Also, LOL @ the sushi comment – my FI is never full after we eat that either, lol.

Post # 9
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I know what you mean – FI and I try very hard to eat at home more, but sometimes we slip up. He especially gets lunch at work frequently – though also, his vendors bring in lunch for them a lot.
When he feels like we eat out too much though, he gets really into packing my lunch? Like I’m the one who eats expensive lunches? Haha

It’s frustrating, but I guess you just need a better/different plan. Sometimes the first plan just doesn’t work for everyone, though I think that’s even more frustrating.

Hope it works out!

Post # 10
Member
13168 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would say something.  But I’d also make sure he is actually going out to eat.  I know you can pick up those containers of sushi at the grocery so he isn’t necessarily ordering take-out.

Post # 12
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@badabing88:  Yeah, we have definitely tried curbing our spending on nights out, that’s a lotta money for just a couple of hours and drinks!

Post # 13
Member
10487 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@sara_tiara:  I agree, setting a limit sounds like a good idea.

Post # 14
Member
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yes, I would say something, but also give the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe someone bought him lunch, they had free lunch one day, etc… remind him about your deal and say you feel frustrated that you’re eating PBJ and he’s eating sushi!

Post # 16
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

This is why we’ve got our own “fun money” that we put aside every payday.  If I want to blow $100 on sushi (and I probably will since I’ll be in Chicago this weekend), I can!  It’s MY fun money, and I can do what I want with it and not justify it to anyone.  If he wants to burn $100 on new video games, that’s his money to play with and he doesn’t have to answer to me.  However, once that money is gone, it’s done until payday.

That way, we don’t feel constantly like we’re being monitored.  We also don’t have the pressure to be perfect with our money all the time.  And if one of us sees a really good deal on something, we don’t have to wait for the other to ok it first. 

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