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Honestly, she probably just didn't want to be rude and said yes in case you were set on coming. I guess it'd be up to you: do you want to spend the time and money, even if you can't attend the ceremony? If so, then do it. But otherwise, go with the plan of celebrating a month later at her little sister's grad and send a nice card.
I think you should still think about going- to me it depends on how close you are and if you want to be there to support her anyway. This happened with my sister's Graduation from Columbia- she only got 4 tickets, but everyone in my immediate family still went to be there for the support. I think it is up to you and what is best for you though (if you can get the time off and have the extra $ to fly twice, etc.)
If I were your niece, I wouldn't be upset or mad that you couldn't make it due to the lack of tickets available. I would completely understand. On the other hand, if you can make the trip two times, feel free!
I wouldn't be upset if you couldn't make it and it would be nice to go nd make a trip of it and be there for a celebration after. Dinner at the very least or is there a party planned? I would want to be at my nieces graduation from college, it's a big deal to me though:)
@oracle: Perhaps she didn't think to invite you originally because she didn't think you'd want to fly out just for her graduation? I definitely wouldn't expect my out of state family to come for my graduation! She probably was surprised you would want to come, I think that's super sweet!
So you can't purchase a seat? that's a bummer :(
but if you were set on going and can afford two trips, why not?! sounds fun and it sounds like she would really appreciate it.
If you guys can afford it, I would go. It seems like it is simportant to her and just because you wont be able to physically see her walk across teh stage doesn't mean you can't be there for the celebration!
I've been planning on doing these two trips for several months, so the costs are being anticipated (as is the time off work). DH knows how important it is for me to be there, and I think my niece would never expect me to make the trip to be there (although she was excited about it when I brought it up).
It doesn't matter to me if we aren't physcially at the ceremony - I guess I was just trying to figure out how the graduate would feel if was present (but not really 'present').
I think you should go even if you don't attend. Maybe you can go somewhere nice after the formalities.
I only get two tickets for my graduation, with no option to purchase more. Obviously, I have allocated them to my parents. That means my brothers and more importantly my OH can't come. But I still want them there, for photos and champagne and stuff.
If there are only a set number of tickets and her immediate family is filling them, then maybe you can go out to dinner with all of them after? You also might be able to get into the graduation if there is extra room. Can her mom call you once she is there? Sometimes people give tickets away. But really, I think if you flew out and saw her after it is just as important...she wont be able to sit with you during the ceremony after.
I think it will probably mean a lot to her that you came such a long way even though you couldn't attend the ceremony. I think being there for a graduation party/dinner is more important anyway, since she probably wouldn't even be able to see or talk to you at the actual ceremony.
The ceremony itself is only a part of graduation. You can still show up outside the building for pictures and go out for dinner or to the party the night before (or after!) My SO's entire extended family (30+ people) go to every graduation and they always have a blast! You say you've got the time and money, why not!
@oracle: You are so sweet. She will love the support of you coming, even if you aren't at the boring ceremony part :)
I think it would certainly be nice if you could be there, but I hardly think it's necessary. I attended college out of state and only my parents and then-fiance attended my college graduation. I didn't feel slighted in the least because it would have been hard for my family to travel to my graduation; I even had unlimited tickets and didn't feel bad about it! You are very sweet to worry so much about this, though. :)
I would go if y'all can afford it. I don't think she is expecting you two to make the trip since only 4 tickets were allotted, but it would be nice to be there with your family to celebrate.
If you can afford it and want to go, go! Sometimes at graduations there is an "overflow" section...usually a large auditorium where you can watch it via live feed on a screen (I know my small liberal arts school and my brother's large private school both did this). Maybe see if that is planned and how to get tickets for it? (I think my school allotted 5 tix to the actual graduation and you could buy overflow tickets for a few others)
You can still show your support by sending a card and/or gift, A phone call would be a nice additional touch if you like. I don't think she would have expected you to attend in the first place. Now that there is no ticket available, there is certainly no reason for you to attend. Also, even if there were more tickets available - you should let her decided who she wants to invite. Maybe she wants to invite someone else.
You weren't explicitly invited? I would definitely not go in that case, unless there was some prior expectation that you would come.
But...is there any way you could gauge her reaction when you said you were coming? Was she truly joyful and excited? (in that case, I might go.) But if she was more like, "um, yay! it will be, um, great to have you there..." (as she starts worrying in her mind who is going to get the tickets,) then perhaps she really doesnt expect you to be there at all.
Is there anyway she can get more tickets? Often there is the opportunity to buy extras. For my last graduation, we had a limited number of tickets, but some of my friends weren't using all of theirs, so I got extra.
While we didn't fly the distance of LA to Chicago we did fly from Northern to Southern California for my cousin's graduation last May. I think the important thing as mentioned by the PP is to find out if the 4 ticket max is absolutely certain.
My cousin was told she could only have 8 tickets and in the end the whole entire family (22) actually got in. They weren't strict at all about the tickets.
I'm sure she won't mind if you just see her the following month and celebrate with her then. Maybe send a congratulatory card in the meantime!
Is she having any kind of grad party? If so, combined with your other, more tourist-y stuff, I think the trip would be worth it.
Also, I know some schools allow swapping of tickets amongst students. Say Suzie has a large family but Bob will only be using two of his tickets, he could give his extras to Suzie. She could ask around.
Talk to your sister, (or your brother, whichever of her parents you're related to), about it and get more details, as well as finding out if it would be appreciated if you were there.
I had the same problem with my graduation in May. I'd go out just to go if I could afford it, otherwise I'd wait until the month after when younger-niece graduates high school and you can celebrate with them both.
IF there is a party or celebration afterwards then you could still go for that, but it wont be a big deal if you can make it.
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My oldest niece is graduating from college this May. I was planning to go and DH was planning to attend as well. We were going to make a long weekend out of it - attend the ceremony and then do our own sightseeing. It requires traveling to Chicago (from Los Angeles).
I just found out that my niece is allotted only 4 tickets for the ceremony. This is making me rethink attending. I know her mom/dad and sister (flying in from OOT) will be going and they want to fly my mom out too. That's 4 right there.
I guess what I'm wondering is if I am not at the ceremony, will it even matter that I'm there at all? Part of me feels like it's a show of support and I can attend any family type celebrations that take place. The other part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't go and just celebrate with her the following month (when I fly out for her little sister's high school graduation).
What would you do?
Also note: I wasn't invited to the graduation - I just told my niece I wanted to be there to celebrate with her, if she wanted - and she said she did (but I pretty much invited myself!). I don't think she would expect me to make the journey, but it seemed like she welcomed me being there, if I was able to.