Post # 1
One of FH’s distant relatives is getting married in a few weeks. We already RSVP’d yes and bought plane tickets. The plan was to stay with FH’s in town relatives who are also invited.
Now FH may have a conflict. His relatives assume that if he suddenly can’t go, I also wouldn’t attend.
Is that reasonable? Our plane tickets are non refundable and I think it would be better etiquette if 1/2 of us made it, since we said we’d go; I do know other people who will be there. But his family seemed very sure that if one of us couldn’t go, neither would. Are we really only invited as a unit? WWYD?
Post # 3
I would feel super awkward without my DH there and probably not go, but I suppose it depends on how close you are to his family.
Post # 4
Hmm, I guess it depends on how close you feel to his family. For me at this point in our relationship, if he couldn’t go for any reason, I’d definitely go anyway with my FMIL and FSILs. And I’m sure they’d want me to go.
Post # 5
@kerensa: I would go without my husband. Dang, I paid for the tickets, I might as well get use out of one!
I would just tell them that if the offer still stood, you would be honored to still attend & celebrate their special day with them (& take lots of pics for your FH).
Post # 6
OP they will eventually be your family so why not go? They may assume that you’ll be uncomfortable and wanted to let you know it’s ok to not come.If you wouldn’t feel weird, you should go.
Post # 7
@kerensa: if you are close to his family, why wouldn’t you go? i would still go. is the couple ok with just you attending without your dh?
Post # 8
Knowing my FI’s family right now, I’d go. We are relatively close so I wouldn’t feel awkward with his sister and/or parents there. I know they’d make me feel included. But if I didn’t know anyone that well then I would feel really out of place.
I do understand why they would assume you’re a unit. Its not like I just go visit FI’s family without him. We always go together – it is his family, afterall. So I see why they would assume that if he wasn’t coming then you wouldn’t either. They probably wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable without him, but I’m sure they’d still be happy for you to attend! I’d go.
Post # 9
FH and I often do things individually, I travel to see my family quite often without him. So I was completely expecting to attend solo If I had to. But when we spoke to his family today about the conflict, they just jumped to the conclusion that we were a package deal. Didn’t even ask.
I guess I just needed to hear that it wasn’t weird for attend without him? Like I’m pushing my way in or something. His family and I didn’t always get along, but the last few years we have made a lot of progress.
I think the couple would be fine with it, it’s a big wedding (200+ ppl) so it’s not like it will throw the numbers off too much.
Post # 10
@kerensa: If the wedding were local I would absolutely attend without FI. I am and have always been considered a daughter by his parents and love spending time with them, with or without FI. If it’s a DW wedding and he couldn’t go I probably wouldn’t either. I would get an airline credit to use another time for a trip with FI. Can you do that?
Post # 11
I love FI’s family and would definitely go to a family event without him. But, I know not everyone is like that. They would also never assume that I wouldn’t come just bc FI isn’t able to make it. So – if they DID assume that, I’d probably call the airline and see if I could get some sort of a credit at all, even if I had to pay $150 per ticket to get that credit (sometimes they do that).
Post # 12
@kerensa: They most likely jumped to that conclusion to be polite. They don’t want to force you into anything as it was easier to assume that you weren’t coming without him because it’s the “less rude” assumption. Especially if things have been awkward in the past they most likely didn’t want to pressure you.
Just tell them that you are super excited to go and see everyone. They are your family too now so it makes sense that you would go without him to see all of your in-laws.
Post # 13
If I had met them, or some of the people there, I would go. Some of the best times I’ve ever had are at events where I knew very few people. But I am also an extrovert and make friends easily.
Post # 14
Yeah I think it depends on how close you are to all them. If you are pretty close then you should go without feeling weird. I personally wouldn’t but that’s because I’m introverted, have anxiety and I’m just plain weird and uncomfortable with other people.
Post # 15
If I wasn’t going to feel uncomfortable, yes I would go.
Post # 16
I would go but then I am pretty close with my H’s family and consider them my family as well. But if you do not have a relationship like that then I could see it as a little awkward.
But on the other hand I would be super impressed if my brother inlaws wife came to our wedding on her own. It would show me how much she belongs in our family.