(Closed) Would you want your SO to get married after you died?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SweetRose2011: Your poll questions and answers don’t quite match up.

I would want my FI to be happy. Especially if we were on the younger side when I passed away.

I don’t know if I could re-marry if my FI died.

Post # 4
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We haven’t talked about it but I would like him to get remarried.  I certainly wouldn’t want him to spend the rest of his life alone.  I’ve often wondered this because a guy I sort of knew back in the day died of cancer at the age of 29, just a year and three months after he got married.  I don’t know his wife but I feel terrible for her and wonder what she’s going to do.  She’s still so young, no kids, but should she never remarry and never have kids because she loved him so much and he can’t be replaced? 

Post # 5
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m getting caught up on the wording of your post title.  If I’m dead, I won’t really be able to have a say in anything! 😉  And, the wording of ‘would you LET your… ” is killing me!

But, I digress.

We have talked about it.  He says he couldn’t imagine marrying anyone else – but I very strongly tell him that he better marry someone else.  

I saw it as replacing me.  But, I told him – it’s not replacing me, it’s finding someone different to share your life with.  (And then I kid him by saying:  you’d NEVER be able to replace me).  

But, when you think about it – it’s true.   You will never replace a spouse with another one.  The other one will be different in all sorts of ways than your deceased one.  I think I’d be lucky to find someone I’d WANT to share my life with, if DH ever passed.  If not, I’ll just feel fortunate I shared the time I had with DH. 

Post # 6
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve told him that I’d like him to get remarried or date someone else. My joke about it is he has to get women who add up to my age. Like if I pass at 72, he can have two 36 year olds or four 18 year olds. It’s important to me that he’s happy and loved even if I pass before him.

Edit: But if my husband remarries and she isn’t good to him, I’m haunting her ass.

Post # 7
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

My mom became a widow with 3 kids at the age of 35.

She is not re-married and did not go on a date until 13 years later. She says she won’t re-marry  but I truely hope she finds atleast a companion. I know she loved and still loves my dad but she deserves to be happy and have someone to spend time with and do things with.

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@oracle: haha I thought the same thing! Nothing I can do about it if I’m dead.

We don’t really talk about this but I think we both agree that we’d want the other to be happy. My aunt got married when she was 18, two years later her husband died in a car accident. She got remarried at 26 and had 5 kids (my cousins). I can’t imagine how different her life would be if she hadn’t remarried.

Post # 9
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Your title of “let him get remarried after I died” well I wouldn’t be here so I couldn’t really say; however, I would want him to get remarried. I would not want him to live life without me alone.

And I would probably move on and remarry as well! I could never replace him… ever but I know that he would not want me to live life alone either!

Post # 10
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would want him to be happy again. I wouldn’t guilt trip him before I died. Everyone deserves happiness. I wouldn’t want him to go through life alone. Just because he remarried doesn’t mean he didn’t love you enough.

Post # 11
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Like other posters, the wording of your title got me. But I’m of the mind that it all depends on the circumstances. If I died next year, my SO would still be incredibly young, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to imagine him never falling in love and getting married again. I’m also of the mind that it all depends on whether or not he meets someone he would even want to share his life with. If I die, he’s still in his 20s, and he never falls in love again, then he shouldn’t get remarried. If I died, he’s in his 70s, and he falls in love again, then he should get remarried. I know that whatever happens, I’ll always hold a very special place in his heart. 

Post # 13
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My husband and I want each other to be happy…which includes remarrying should one of us die. Whether that’s when I’m 35 or 75, if my FI was to find love again after my death, I’d want him to go for it. He’d want the same for me, too.

Post # 14
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Of course I’d want him to remarry, if that’s what he wanted. And I’d definitely get married if I was a widow and I fell in love again. No one, I don’t care who you are, knows how they are going to feel in situations like this. So I think it would be strange if I said to my husband “If I die, never remarry, and I won’t either.” Love is as unpredictable as death.

This is reminding me of an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry David and his wife Cheryl are renewing their vows. Cheryl wants the vows to say “And we will be faithful to each other, after death and all through eternity.” Larry David is like “Ummm… I was under the impression that this relationship ended at death.” LOL!

Post # 15
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, I would want my husband  to get remarried if I died.  I would want him to find happiness after me. And to be clear, so he doesn’t wonder, if something were to happen, I did tell him this. I felt that it was important to do so.

Now, I did tell him that I’m a miracle believer and if I was in a coma, that I would not want him to pull the plug in the first 5 years. Sorry, I heard miracles where people wake up after being in a coma for 3-5 years or even 10 year. I don’t think he could afford to do it for 10 years. I did also tell him that if it’s too expensive, then he can pull the plug. 🙁 I also told him that I would not be mad at him if I woke up from this coma and found him in love with someone else.  I can’t imagine how hard it is to have someone in a coma. So I can’t be mad at him.

He on the other hand doesn’t want to be in a vegetative or coma state, so he said he would want me to pull the plug. I don’t think I could. I think it would be really hard on me to pull the plug.

I know this sounds really morbid to talk about but, my husband does suffer from a life threatning illness, and we have had some close calls. So I had to initiate this conversation. :/

Post # 16
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would want him to be happy. I can not decide for him now if he would want to remarry if I were to pass. I would simply want him to be happy so if that situation were to happen then it would be his choice.

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