Post # 1
I never realized that this was so controversial until getting engaged myself! Some women are completely fine with the concept, while others are left in tears at the thought. What are your particular thoughts on this? Would you be okay with signing a pre nup or not, and why?
We will have a pre-nup due to inheritances, potential business growth, etc. on my fiancé’s side. Totally fine by me. I think of it as a good thing. Lucky us that there are actually assets to protect! Many people don’t have that luxury.
Post # 2
freshflowers: I am with you. I dont see it as a bad thing at all and really don’t understand when ladies get all upset and offended over it.
Post # 3
freshflowers: I see it as a great way to talk about finances before getting married. And since money problems are the main cause of divorce these days, I see it as being a GOOD thing that everyone should talk about before the biggest commitment of your life. Also, men aren’t the only ones who ask for prenups 😉
Post # 4
If the 2 people have almost the same amount of money/assets going into the marriage and don’t have any sort of family inheritance thing then I don’t see the need for a prenup agreement. but obviously if one has a lot more money going into the marriage, I see it a necessary and smart. Sadly we live in a world where divorce exists annnd people need to protect themselves.
Post # 5
I would absolutely be okay with one if one of us had something to protect.
Post # 6
As long as it equally protects both sides, I’m cool with it.
Post # 7
I’m all for prenups! The significant asset for us is the house, I didn’t contribute to the downpayment and I’ve been underemployed so I haven’t yet contributed to the mortgage, so we agreed it would go to him. Also, FI really wanted to put a clause in there for a type of divorce that would make our lawyers do everything they could to get us to settle out of court, or they wouldn’t get paid as much. We would have made sure that it was a prenup that was very fair to both of us.
But then we found out it would cost us 8K to get a prenup, and most of it would become invalid when we have kids in a few years anyways, so we decided not to. We will write something out to have what we think is fair in writing, but we know it wouldn’t be an ironclad document that would hold up in court.
Post # 8
freshflowers: We have somewhat the opposite situation. I am the one who has inheritances and I own a home free and clear which I would like to leave to my children.
We had a prenup and neither one of us had a problem with it.
Post # 9
I thought my DH would want a prenup as he came into the relationship with substantially more savings and assets, so I was prepared and expected to sign one but he didn’t want me to. We discussed it on multiple occasions. I would have been totally fine with it!
Post # 10
freshflowers: I WANT a prenup despite the fact I have absolutely no assets to protect. FI has inhertiances and property but he (with his parents advice) decided we don’t need one. So, no prenup for us…
ladyamalthea: Woah, $8k?? Is that just lawyers fees or something else entirely?
Post # 11
- Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club
I have no issue with prenups that are handled with care- springing one very close to the date or to an unexpecting partner would be the exception. If both parties have plenty of time to consider and good guidance (financial advisor/attorney), I think they can save some difficulty in the unfortunate event of a divorce. I agree that it can be hard to think of divorce when you’re planning such a happy day, but reality trumps the fantasy.
FI and I have decided not to have one, but we did talk about it. We even got into gritty potentials; if I decided to stay home to raise our children, I would have expected him to contribute to my 401k or an IRA, just to ensure my retirement future. Maybe I’m paranoid there, but I started saving for retirement at 21.
Post # 12
In certain circumstances I would be fine with one (family trusts, businesses etc) but it would be unnecessary on FI and Is situation so if he wanted one I would object.
Post # 13
lorakath: I think it was all lawyers’ fees pretty much, we got a few quotes, one was like 30K! I think part of it is because we live in California and there are strict community property laws, so it’s complicated to get something that isn’t a 50/50 split? I am pretty sure that a judge wouldn’t care two bits about something where we didn’t each have a lawyer, so it’s 2 separate lawyers working for two separate best interests that you have to pay (which is how it should be, a woman might say I won’t need a cent, I don’t love him for his money, her lawyer will say after he’s spent more time spoiling you rotten, if he lets himself fall out of love with you I’m not letting you go back to your studio apartment in a bad neighborhood). Anyways I don’t see the point in spending any money on a prenup if you think it might not hold up in court, that’s like buying a seat belt that’s half broken.
Post # 14
I would not marry a man who wanted a prenup, no matter how slanted in my favor it might be. The whole idea of a prenup flies in the face of the commitment that marriage is supposed to be.
Post # 15
Totally ok with them. I would have put one in place if it weren’t so complicated and expensive to do (read: got lazy).
I really don’t see what the big deal is, but it’s also a part of my job to deal with contracts that cover things that no one really thinks would ever happen. In my opinion a good prenup should cover some items that should be common sense (for example, my family inheritance stays with me in the case of divorce) but are not necessarily protected by the law.