Bees! Would it bother you if a large group of people left your wedding reception very early? You can read my input/reason for asking below, or just answer with your opinion!
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I'm asking because my wedding (which was obviously not ruined by this AT ALL, but it still bothers me) had about 100 guests, large majority being family. An entire table of the handful of friends I invited and some family adding up to about 12 people were gone before the 2 "traditional" dances were over. We didn't do a lot of traditional wedding things (no toasts and we kept it to a first dance and father/daughter dance held near the end of dinner), and the (very brief) ceremony and reception were at the same venue. The total time for entire event was about 5 hours. I also made a point to chat with everyone at the reception so they definitely had to dip out purposely at a time when I wouldn't notice, but they left so early that the entire table was reset by the wait staff while people were still eating! Also, one of these friends was originally in the wedding as a BM and declined as she was too busy (which was fine and I understood) but then also did not attend or RSVP to any of the pre-wedding parties she was invited to, or the wedding itself without being tracked down.
I understand people that didn't stay for the ENTIRE event, but weddings are expensive, take a lot of work, and I had a very small list of people to invite. Note: I would also understand older people leaving, or people with children, but that wasn't the case, either.
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Yes I'd be super mad!
I'm surprised you say it was mainly family. The people I always see leaving early at weddings are parent's friends.
@AnonymousCupcake: Yes! That would upset me, I'm glad you're not letting it ruin your entire outlook on the wedding tho.
They should have at least stayed to talk to you, through the traditional dances and cake cutting (if that was after dinner).
I would expect this more out of older family members than friends! I already know a few of FI's family members with young children will jet as soon as dinner is done. *shrug* What ya gonna do?
Honestly, I wouldn't be upset at all. Not everyone has 5 hours or wants to spend 5 hours at a wedding/reception. I'm home very little during the week so my weekends are my time to do things at home and/or just hang with my DH. Also, people with kids never get a minute of rest even on the weekends and it's really sometimes the only time they can spend any quality time with them.
In a bride's world the wedding and reception are the most important thing on that particular day. In her guests' worlds the same doesn't hold true.
I don't know. I would at least hope they would stay until after dinner when everyone's finished, not while everyone's still eating. I had a few people leave early too, but most had children and were ILs' friends
@OctBride-2012: I do agree with part of your sentiment. I can completely understand people with kids and I by no means meant they needed to stay all night! I was just saying it was 5 hours total because I know sometimes people have wedding events with space in between the ceremony and reception, or it goes on for a much longer time. However, it is ONE night for what should be an important time for someone you consider special to you (which I personally did feel that way about the friends that left, since the three friends plus dates that I invited were literally the only friends I invited, the family members that also left don't surprise me quite as much, haha).
Yes, I would be really angry. We've always stayed at weddings no matter what. I've been to more than my fair share of boring weddings, but I always stay because it;s incredibly rude to leave early.
Yep, I'd be annoyed. I think you should at least stay until the dancing gets going.
@AnonymousCupcake: Ugh. Yeah, that would upset me. If you're not traveling for many hours that same night, don't have small kids, aren't elderly, or don't have some medical/other issue, I think it's rude to leave super early. :o\
Ok, I will confess that I've actually done this...twice, and I'll happily tell you why, just so everyone has a little perspective into the mind of a wedding guest...and I'm not saying you are like either of the brides in question, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I'll leave an event if I'm so inclined and properly motivated....after all, a reception is a party at which I am a guest, I decide when I'm finished being one.
The first time, I was still in college, and my entire family was invited to a traditional catholic mass wedding ceremony & reception...we're not catholic, we've never been catholic, the ceremony took two hours and I couldn't understand any of it, but whatever, they were married, on to the reception...we drove for 45 minutes just to get there, it was a ballroom, nice, the bar was open, rock on....two and a half hours later....the bride and groom saunter in after taking pictures and all of that....too bad the guests are drunk, starving and half asleep....do they serve dinner? NO! They dim the lights and the bride starts dancing with her dad, her stepdad, her uncle, her cousin...the janitor...you get my drift...we started to fall asleep...so my Dad made an executive decision, we left, picked up pizza on the way home and that was that....
The other time, was an outdoor wedding at a remote family farm in June. Ceremony was quick, we go looking for a place to sit, there aren't enough tables for everyone...we elect to stand so the older guests and people with kids can sit. It's June, it's hot, they serve dinner, it's BBQ, not really something you can eat and hold standing up....plus it was horrifying to look at, this roasted pig on a table, with people in insulated gloves just pulling the meat out of it....so yeah, we left and went to the Keg for dinner.
I understand and appreciate the time, effort and money that goes into a wedding reception, I honestly do, but sometimes there's such a difference in taste, timing or agendas that as a guest, we just have to leave, it's not a slight against our generous hosts, it's just not for us.
Not really, as long as I managed to be able to speak to them before they left and they ate the meal I paid for I wouldn't care. If you aren't in the partying mood, or have other obligations to get to I'm glad they managed to at least come out and watch my vows and do some celebrating with us. If they RSVP's yes for attendance, and only stayed for the ceremony, that would annoy me since they could have just as easily let me know they could only make the ceremony so I didn't pay for their meals for nothing.
@AnonymousCupcake: ooo this would upset me too. I saw this happen at a friend's wedding where people started leaving right after they'd finished eating (not staying for the cake or family dances) and by the time they threw the garter/bouquet there were only about 15 people left! I felt sooooo sorry for her because it was literally two weeks after my wedding and I knew for a fact that she put a ton of effort into everything and paid the DJ for a long time and extended the venue time til midnight but everyone was gone by about 8:30... It was very sad. My DH was in the wedding party so we made sure to stay until they left and it was so sad because by the end of it, they were sort of apologizing that everyone left and thanking us for staying! They ended up telling us to go with about 1.5 hours left on their venue rental because the party was essentially over...
I had my wedding on a yacht so we lucked out cuz NO ONE was allowed to leave early... lol
But yeah, with all the planning and effort and thoughtfulness that goes into the wedding event, I would think people know to stay for at least the dinner, first dances & cutting of the cake. Those are the staple events of the reception and even with children waiting, I wouldn't dream of leaving before those...
You don't have to shut the place down but it would be nice to show some respect for the bride and groom and their emotional/financial investment in the day by celebrating with them for at least a little after the dinner! It would be understandable if they said goodbye and gave a reason but they clearly snuck out... the whole "eat & run" thing is NOT COOL!
@AnonymousCupcake: Just because it wouldn't bother me doesn't mean that I don't understand you being upset. At least they did come to witness your marriage and spend time with you. That is what's really important. :)
@OctBride-2012: Oh no no I DID agree with part of what you said! Thank you for understanding that I would be upset, though!
@Nona99: Haha well THAT seems understandable! Obviously, if the B&G aren't being considerate of their guests, I would completely understand!
I would say I would be annoyed. I do think most guests should stay until most of the major things are over (dances, cake, toasts, dinner) and the dancing gets going (generally that's what...like 9 or 9:30?? not super late). I could understand a few people, sometimes there are reasons, but a whole table??! I think it's also rude just to sneak out...most of the time I would be sure to say goodbye to the couple.
Some people did this at our wedding as well, and most were family. Yes, it irked me that they were leaving early but what really hurt my feelings is that some of them did not take the time to even say thank you and goodbye. I mean, you don't go to someone's house and just sneak out without saying those things, so why should a wedding be different. Sigh.
@kes18: Right! I can't say for sure, but I think I would have personally been slightly less bothered if they had said goodbye! That is what makes me think they really tried to avoid me, especially because, while there plenty of people dancing, I really wanted to talk to everyone that came out to celebrate (especially since it wasn't a huge number of guests in the first place), and so I was mingling and talking a lot. You would have really have had to wait for the right moment to leave without me noticing.
@AnonymousCupcake: I know you agreed. :) It's so difficult to get our point across in written word when you can have no inflection on words.
I wouldn't be upset at all. People can get tired, feel sick, etc. I want my guests to be happy to have made it to my wedding, not exhausted to have been forced to stay at a reception when they don't want to be there.
My Mum, sister and niece left after dinner (my niece is only 4, and was sleepy after a very long day), but to tell you the truth, I didn't even really realize it. We were having too much fun on the dance floor and having pictures taken that I just assumed they were still there. Oops.
I know my sister has mentioned that she's sad she missed out (she realizes she could have just had our Mum take her daughter back to the hotel--my Mum was leaving anyway to go spend time with her bf who was not invited--I had never met him, and they had only been together a couple of months).
@AnonymousCupcake: nope. but I have family that aren't for dances due to their religious beleifs. it's known they will bow out as soon as the dinner is over and not stay for dances or toasts.
mmm looking at your date, it seems the wedding was on a tuesday? i can understand people leaving early on a tuesday night especially if theyve been working that day and will be working the next. For example my sister gets odd shifts at the hospital...sometimes shes awake half the night, and it means she has to go to bed by around ten. exhausted doctors are dangerous doctors
BUT they should have said goodbye
edit - out of interest, what time did the wedding start and what time did they leave
also, i would be a bit sad about it
@GeekChic: They knew they were bring rude and didn't have the balls to do a proper goodbye :(
One of my bridesmaids left at 7:30. I was pretty upset by it, even though she asked if it was okay.
Also, an entire table of my co-workers left right after dinner. When I posted my pictures online of the pies and s'mores table, one of them commented, "Oh my gosh! I didn't know there was going to be s'mores!"
And I wanted to say, "Would that have made you stay later than 7?"
Rude.
YES! I was maid of honor at my friends wedding earlier this year. It was on a Saturday but 2+ hours away for the "local" folks. Everyone left fairly early which I found super lame. Guests would come up to the brides and say- oh, we've gotta drive back, it's a long drive, etc. We stayed til the end along with the best man and his wife- to see the dance floor with only 6 people and the staff starting to clean up would have depressed me but these brides didn't care.
It's rude to leave before the couple get to the reception, before the cutting of the cake, and maybe before the dance depending on how late they put it off. But, the thing is, the ceremony is what matters most. I'm sure you would have appreciated it if they just said they couldn't make it to the reception. Also, it is good etiquitte to say goodbye and thank you to the bride and groom no matter when you are leaving, and if you are leaving too early and you know it (and you don't have a good excuse) you should harden up and have the decency to say thank you and wish them well. Sneaking out is just rude. I left a reception early last summer because I had so much homework to do and the weekends are the only time I can get homework knocked out. I still feel pretty bad about it and feel like I could have stayed the whole time, but there were other factors that made me a bit uncomfortable at the wedding in the first place. All that aside, OP, just let it go and remember all the wonderful memories you have now!
I would be annoyed, yes! Luckily, I guess, most people stayed for quite a while at ours. My cousin had to leave early to drive back 5 hours for work the next day, but they even stayed through dinner and danced a little. Grandparents didn't make it all night, but I know we were keeping them up. All of our friends partied with us 'till 3am!
But at my BIL and SIL's wedding two weeks before that, he had a whole table of coworkers duck out super early and he was kinda peeved he had even invited them. It was local and on a Saturday so there's no reason they couldn't stay - they just didn't.
@almostmrsj: ooo that would upset me. I'm inviting all my co workers because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I hope they don't make me regret it...
@AnonymousCupcake: I can understand you disapointment, it's not wrong to feel disapointmented that others aren't as excited as you are about your wedding day. We all want our parties to be very successful which means to most people--it goes late into the night!
But that said--if not everyone has that "excitment" so be it--let your expectation go. I see that you started a thread about lack of excitement in your bridesmaids about your wedding and another thread about how ou were unhappy withh your FMIL who wnated a bigger Rehearsal Dinner party than you wanted (?she was more excited?)
In the end, you cannot control the actions of others LET ALONE their feeligns. Please, if you start downt that path of "everyone's feelings must match my own" you've set yourself up for a great deal of unhappiness.
and to a previous poster who thinks that people are "lame" for leaving early due to a 2 hours drive back hom--umm, hunh?
@FauxPas2012: It really isn't about lack of excitement, I guess it's more to do with... being polite? If I think that someone is important enough to be invited to a wedding that I can't afford to invite more than a handful of friends to, it feels like they clearly don't care about me the same way to basically sneak out without speaking to me. I know not EVERYONE will be "excited" (if so, don't come, then!) but I'm not exaggerating when I say the ONLY friends I had invited were at that table and they couldn't even give me the courtesy of a goodbye?
Added: I could see it being different if it was a big wedding, or it was a friend of a parent or something, but no one was invited that we didn't dearly want there.
Side note: my wedding was fantastic overall, and I don't mean to sound like this overshadowed the day. It didn't. I could not be happier! I am just curious, and I appreciate everyone's posts!
that's actually one of my worst wedding nightmares! I want people to stay for a long time and enjoy themselves/celebrate with me:) I'd be mad for sure!
@AnonymousCupcake: oh yes, im a moron and was looking at november rather than october!
ok then that sucks, and is really really weird. id be hurt and want to know why actually, though i doubt id ask
It's kind of rude. I always stay till the first shuttle back to the hotel. or the equivalent time if there's no shuttle. The party suffers when people start leaving early.
I had about 100 guests, same as you, and a good chunk of them left right after the meal. There weren't many that stayed until the end. People kept dipping out left and right. I even had a BM and my MOH leave early. My MOH was 8 months pregnant though and in a lot of pain. (Her ankles were HUGE by the end, and they had a 5 hour drive home that day.) My BM that bailed had a 9 month old that I am still baffled as to why she HAD to bring him when they were staying with her parents and they could have watched him. It was mostly family and parents friend that came. I was just disheartened at the number of people that came and then bailed as soon as the food came. I didn't even get to say hi to half of them. Also, very few of the married couples got up to dance during the "Anniversary Dance". Of the 3 friends I invited from high school, only 2 showed up, and didn't stay long enough to dance with me. :/ What a let down.
If I didn't have a long cocktail hour, or outdoor reception in 50 degree weather, or something else that would understandably piss my guests off, then yes, this would upset me badly. But people can be rude, and a lot of times they don't really understand until they are planning their own wedding.
Yes I would be upset, especially if it was family that's leaving early. I'm expecting ppl to leave my reception early. I myself have never stayed for an entire wedding. My wedding is in a city 30 mins away from everyone's hometown including me and FI (hey, I got the venue for free, I wasn't about to pass it up just because it was 30 mins away!). The reception ends at 11pm. This is exactly why I wasn't going to spend money on fireworks at the end of it because I know half the crowd would be gone. So we are doing a sparklers exit instead. I wouldn't dwell on it though. I know my older crowd is leaving first, then people with kids will leave.
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