- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
That's bizarre. When you say 'ignore', do you mean she shuffled around it and changed the topic or there was just dead silence? If it was the first then maybe she genuinely got sidetracked and forgot about your question. If she clearly didn't respond then I would take it to mean it's not something she wants to do, for whatever reason. Probably nothing to do with you, who knows, maybe she doesn't think a 'new' picture would qualify as 'something old'. One thing I'm finding is that people feel strongly about all sorts of peculiar little things when it comes to weddings.
7x7_and_8x7.jpg (128.3 KB, 57 downloads) 1 year old 5x7.jpg (148.2 KB, 43 downloads) 1 year old 4x6_and_5x6.jpg (148.5 KB, 45 downloads) 1 year old metal_easels_3.jpg (167.5 KB, 47 downloads) 1 year old wood_easels.jpg (158.5 KB, 49 downloads) 1 year old group_shot_3.jpg (174 KB, 46 downloads) 1 year old
Yeah, that's very odd...do you think your fiance would be willing to bring this up with her? It may be that she just spaced out, or it may be something else that she wouldn't be comfortable talking to you about. I guess I wouldn't be hurt if she is otherwise very welcoming of you but I would certainly be perplexed!
dresses_2009_021.jpg (3869.2 KB, 18 downloads) 1 year old Flynn_0527.jpg (332.1 KB, 12 downloads) 1 year old 
I would feel hurt if something like this happened to me. However, I agree you should ask your fiance to ask her about it.
Does she have daughters? Maybe she was saving those things for them and she doesn't know how to tell you? Maybe she doesn't have anything old either and is bummed? I wouldn't get upset until you figure out the backstory. You seem to have a good relationship with her, so maybe just ask her? Good Luck.
Copy_of_P1020075.JPG (167.5 KB, 43 downloads) 1 year old Copy_of_P1020074.JPG (142.8 KB, 35 downloads) 1 year old
It sounds like maybe she is just not into the idea of being your "something old" -- especially since you asked for mementos from her own wedding day. I know my mom hates to think that she is getting "old" (every birthday, she likes to joke that she is only turning 29 or 36 or something) and I think she wouldn't want to be associated with the "something old" (which I tend to think of as being something from your grandparents' era).
Does your FMIL know why you didn't ask your own family? Maybe she thinks you are somehow implying that she's older than your mom, and she is sensitive about that.
Are any of your grandparents (or your FI's grandparents) still around? Maybe you should try asking about stuff from grandparents' weddings and see if she reacts differently.
Maybe it's just that she doesn't want you to cut up one of her wedding photos to fit it in a locket? That would be my concern if I were her.
I think my something old is going to be a necklace my FI gave me, the first piece of jewelry he ever gave me and something I wear nearly everyday. It's not quite "heirloom quality" but it's still special to me and indicative of how far our relationship has come. In your situation, maybe something only slightly old, but special to you as a couple would be best.
Lots of good thoughts. Also, for something old, were you thinking old and borrowed? I'm wondering if she was thinking you are asking her to "give" you something of hers.
Is it possible, despite FI's parents still being married, there issomething about their wedding, that FMIL isn't fond of/doesn't like to think about??? Or maybe they aren't heirloom people. Or maybe she had some heirlooms, but FFIL accidentally sold them in a garage sale, or your FI dumped them down the garbage disposal when he was 7.
I'm also wondering if she has daughters she was planning on giving her heirlooms to.
I would feel hurt too. I think asking your Fi about it would be good place to start.
I think it might also be a small bit of the 'something old' request. My mother and father were married almost 25 years ago, so a good period before I was born (I'm almost 23). She offered me her wedding earrings as a something borrowed and blue. I considered it something old, but she didn't. Maybe it's just that.
She only has five boys and I'm the first girl to marry into the family, so it's not like she's saving anything for something else.
I don't get the feeling that she's offended by my classifying her things as "old," although I guess that could be possible.
And Soon2Be: I obviously would get some sort of digital reproduction of their picture and not ruin any of their original pics! I would be devastated, too, if someone wanted to do that to my wedding pictures!
She didn't really say anything and the subject kind've got changed, so I don't think she forgot. There must be some reason why she doesn't want to do it. I know she never got the wedding she wanted 25 years ago, so maybe that's why she's hesitant.
My fiance has asked her once about it, as well, and she basically did the same thing to him. I've decided to ask his grandmother for something, since she's so bubbly and giddy about the wedding. Maybe it will go better with her. I don't have any grandparents left myself, so if it doesn't go well, I guess I'll be finding something from the beginning of our relationship and classifying that as old enough (good idea, Soon2Be). It just makes me sad that no one has anything and since my fiance and I are so totally sentimental, we've decided we're definitely keeping TONS of wedding day things for our kids and kid-in-laws!
Thanks for the support.
That's really odd... I'd be hurt, too. I think lc80's right, though - people are weird about totally random things that make sense to no one else (especially emotional things, like weddings). Surely there's a reason she's changing the subject on you, but it might not be one we'd guess... it probably has nothing to do with you.
Definitely ask the grandmother! Best to wear something enthusiastically given from the heart, right? :)
I think if she intentionally didn't respond, she obviously wasn't comfortable saying something to you directly. Maybe because there were other people around? Or for any one of a number of reasons. If you think you can just chalk it up to you don't know why, but you know that she likes you I would let it go. But if you still feel badly about it, I would take the others' advice to have your fiance approach her and explain that you meant to honor her by asking, so that she knows what it meant to you.
Good luck!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| rachgirl82 | 39 |
| pengoala | 33 |
| MissBoPeep | 28 |
| Future Army Wife | 20 |
| Beckster329 | 19 |
| couawilou | 18 |
| Sunfire | 18 |
| KatNYC2011 | 15 |
 vorpalette |
15 |
| beargoose | 14 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Sunfire | 4 |
| violet25 | 3 |
| BellaDee | 3 |
| NotAnotherAnonBee | 3 |
| jessiesdream | 2 |
| bigcitybee | 2 |
| Rivendeler | 2 |
| ananombee | 2 |
| Janna19 | 1 |
| flamingred | 1 |
So maybe I'm just going to come off as a big baby, but this has been really bothering me. My parents are divorced and so there's nothing from their wedding day that wouldn't be weird for me to use as something old. Also, for some reason, my family seems to be really bad at any sort of attempts to create family heirlooms, so I don't really have any special jewelry hanging around or anything that I could use. So I thought, "Self, this would be an awesome way to honor my FMIL. She would be so touched that I would want to have something old from their family." So I asked her if she maybe had her veil or some jewelry. No, she says. Nothing. A month later, it occurs to me that I could tie a locket charm on my bouquet and maybe have a picture of my fiance's parents on their wedding day in it, since they're still together. I ask her over dinner one night. She ignores the question. This was some time ago and she hasn't brought it up again. I don't think it's because she doesn't like me because she's always been SO welcoming of me into her family, getting really excited when we got engaged and his Dad always tells me that he loves me like a daughter.
So what's up?? Am I wrong to be a little hurt by this?
Attachments