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We're from the East Coast, so FI and a large group of friends will fly out to Vegas for 4 days/3nights.
Can't say I'm too happy about that, but the rational side of me says I have no reason to be unhappy. I almost feel like I'm being a doucher by not being happy for him (he's never been to vegas and is pumped to go). But then, it's like....ew, nothing good happens at a bachelor party in Vegas.
What do YOU think about Vegas bachelor parties?
Seriously...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!!! Hopefully you love and trust your man enough so you don't worry yourself while he's away!
Well they're making the most of their time together and having some fun in the process. It's doubtful that they'll be 100% partiers while they're there most people run out of steam quickly. My FI had a 3 day/2 night bachelor party while skiing in Tahoe- So I understand the frustration of it being a long party.
I personally don't have a problem with bach parties in Vegas. I would have been fine if my FI wanted to do that, but instead he's going to Miami for a few days with his friends (which is probably pretty comparable to Vegas, in terms of partying and debauchery :) ). I'm a little jealous, in fact! But I think it's okay to not be thrilled about it; as long as you're comfortable with it, then you don't have to jumping for joy with him.
My FI just got back from 4 days, 3 nights in New Orleans, so I can't really complain. He had a huge blast, but he did say it made him feel old (he's 34) and that next time he would like to go with me. So that was worth it.
I would just make him promise 1000 times over not to spend more than X amount gambling. That is the easiest way to get into trouble.
My FI's groomsmen wanted to do that too, but he couldn't take the extra time off work.
While I'd be super jealous that'd he'd get to go (I've never been to Vegas), I didn't have a problem with him going when he mentioned it. I travel a couple times a year to visit my BFF in FL, and he never objects.
There are clubs and *a* casino here... the way I see it, my FI could get into the same amount of trouble in good old Pittsburgh if he wanted... right? :)
I'd be ok with it... as long as I was going somewhere too. If I was staying local for my bachelorette party I'd be so jealous it would be hard for me to feign excitement. But I wouldn't worry about it. I've been to Vegas and while I'm not a dude, I think there's a lot a man can do there without getting himself into trouble. Chances are they'll spend most of their time cruising the strip, gambling and eating/drinking way too much. So if anything, don't look at his credit card or debit card statements because you might not like that. But all the yucky stuff shouldn't even be on your mind :)
Four days. Wow. That would multiply my greatest fears about bachelor parties and then times it by four, then times it by a million for being in Vegas. I don't know many men who would spend four days in Vegas and not do something their fiancés would object to, if not spend all four days doing so. I don't think it has anything to do with trust. Men are often weak when presented with titties on a platter and succumb to peer pressure/rationalize bad actions, no matter how much they love their women. That's all I'll say.
Oh and I'll post this old essay that I just read today. It pretty much encapsulates my fears. http://www.indiebride.com/essays/cole/index.html
I don't agree with the trip = party issue. I honestly feel like trips are more likely to get both too expensive and too out of control. When we were discussing my FI ideas, when the words Vegas came out of his mouth my response was "the time to go to Vegas with your buddies passed about four years ago when we got serious"
If you are at the point where the trip is already planned/paid for and you are okay with it from a moral/relationship/trust viewpoint - I would ask your girlfriends to try and plan something equally as outrageous for you that weekend and paint the town!
i'd be fine with it...because im going to vegas for my bachelorette party! have you ever been to vegas before? i've been twice and we're mostly going for the novelty of it and to have fun with the girls. we can't really get into too much trouble as long as we don't steal a cop car, steal mike tyson's tiger, and stay away from the wedding chapels.
i also do NOT want my fiance to look at my credit card bill when i return.. :) that's the biggest thing i would be concerned about while he's there. a lot of people make it out to be a sleazy place, but unless your purposely seeking that out, its a fun place to party.
I just read the site listed above - I gotta say honestly? Everyone has heard about awful stories like that - and I believe they are few and far between.
I think posting that was out of line for this particular thread and doesn't do any service to @VirginiaMarie
Maybe not, but I don't think such things are few and far between. I think most men, when presented with strippers, do things their soon-to-be-wives wouldn't like, to varying degrees of grossness of course. I think to think otherwise is naive. It's standard, it's "tradition" whether we like it or not.
These threads always get heated and I've had my say so I'm not coming back. Hopefully VirginiaMarie's FI won't do anything she wouldn't approve of (and how will I know if he will? I have no idea what he's like, so I can't comment on him personally, this is just a general remark), and hopefully no other bee's fiancé will either, but most of us will never know what our men did at their bachelor parties and will convince ourselves that our men are different and special and we trust them not to touch a stripper's breasts or vajay or whatever we'd be uncomfortable with.
Talking about bachelor parties gets me riled up because I think the expectation that men have "one last night of freedom" and are expected to participate in some bacchanal behind their woman's back is disgusting and antiquated but still continues to go on despite the fact that it makes millions of women upset, sick to their stomachs, distrustful of their future husbands, just generally puts a giant chasm into a relationship that was previously healthy. It's not always the result of a less-than-stellar relationship to begin with. I just think that peer pressure combined with the call of "tradition" is really, really potent to even the most honest, faithful man.
Since you have edited your response, I'll edit mine as well.
Frankly I think they get heated when people post stories about things like that. I do not believe they are the norm and if that makes me naive, so be it. I stand firm in my opinion that your posting that link was unnecessary.
For the record, I'm actually anti-stripper and anti-bachelor party - we probably hold similar views on THOSE topics - but I wasn't asked to comment by the OP on those things in this post, so I stuck to the topic.
I'd be OK with it, especially if we didn't have to pay for it! I know if my fiance was taken to Las Vegas, he & his friends would mainly gamble. I think if you trust him and his friends, then there should be no worries! The only thing I wouldn't care for is how much I would miss him!
That indiebride article made me laugh. These threads about bachelor parties in general make me roll my eyes a little.
To say that most men would fall to temptation and that's why these parties are dangerous, or what have you, is fairly sexist and disrespectful of men as individuals capable of making their own autonomous decisions. Only YOU (be it OP or whoever is reading this) know how much you trust your FI (and men in general).
I have to say that I don't think Vegas really offers anything that someone searching for that sort of entertainment can't find anywhere (unless you live in a small rural town in which case I'm lying to you) so there's no reason to give Vegas a bad name.
FI and his buddies are going to Vegas for 2 nights/3 days... no biggie IMO. Plus, my brother will be there to spy for me, muhahahaha! 
Actually I would be encouraging it. Vegas sounds great! as long as he is with trusted buddies thats fine. Great experience! great fun!
Yeah, I'd have no problem with it except that 4 days in Vegas... the way my FI & his buddies party, between the casino and the drinks alone it would probably cost more than our honeymoon!!
I actually don't believe in free will and the ability to make fully autonomous decisions, but that's another story. I'm not cynical, but I'm not an idealist either. I am friends with many more men than women, and most are in their late 20's, so, fully 'marrying age', and they've leveled with me about the bachelor parties they've been to. Men and women are wired a bit differently and also have different cultural expectations placed upon them, so yeah, I think they are a bit more susceptible to temptations like a their best male friends drunkenly cheering them on to do something sexy with a stripper in a place where people EXPECT to go crazy, like Vegas (yes, you can find strippers and gambling everywhere, but people go to Vegas expecting to be a little sinful and crazy--there's a motivation that doesn't exist in one's hometown). Call it sexism if you want but I think that's inaccurate.
Okay, I'm really stepping out of the discussion here. I think men can resist temptations but I don't think any man is perfect.
@ sahsabahs: Cheers 100%.
Maybe I don't think it is that big of a deal because I don't think of the bachelor party as a one off. If my FI wants to go back to NO with his friends next year and do the whole thing over again, power to him. I just doubt he'll get as many people willing to shell out a few hundred. It was an occasion, they celebrated it. I set boundaries for him, and I am 100% confident he followed them. And when I go to Tahoe for my bachelorette, we'll decide how much I can blow at the roulette table. If I spend more, I will have broken a promise that he has every right to expect me to keep. In our relationship at least, that is all there is to it.
@ VirginiaMarie, I still think gambling is by far the most likely activity in Vegas. Set some spending limits.
Maybe it's just my fiance, but he's not looking at his bachelor party (he's doing NO, and i'm doing Vegas) as "one last night of freedom". He looks at it as "hey, we're getting married--lets start have a boys trip and celebrate!". I look at it the same way. Nothing will happen in NO, and he knows nothing will happen to us in Vegas (except a really bad hangover).
I also think that Indiebride article is ridiculous. I am 100% confident that my fiance and his friends would never do something like that---I know them all very well and they would never put him in a comprimising situation like that, and I know they would expect the same thing from him. Strippers are a novelty to them (like the Thunder from Down Under is a novelty for us girls). I think there was obviously some emotional issues going on BEFORE the bachelor party in that article...
Vegas is a very popular and common bachelor/bachelorette party destination for people here in Southern California. I would say on average FI and I go twice a year and almost always separately. I go there to let loose and party with my girlfriends and he goes for the million and one bachelor parties and to gamble with his guys. I've never seen it as a problem I trust him completely and know he would never do anything I wouldn't approve off. I've actually told him that i have no problem with strippers and he's the one who thinks strippers are ridiculous. Knowing him the most "trouble" he can get into is gambling but I also trust him to be responsible with money. in all honestly, from the trips i've had to vegas with my girlfriends, it's the girls who can get into the most "trouble" as vegas is really a girls' town. :-P
Actually, I think this is a great idea. For those of you who've been there ... haha... let me just say that 4 days in Vegas is way, WAY too much vegas! This will totally backfire on his GM, by the time he's done there he will never want to party, drink, buy an expensive meal, or gamble for the next ten years. He will just want to sit quietly by your side and go to bed early. Winner = you.
i agree w/snowflake, thats exactly what i was thinking (and have heard from fellow guy friends)
Have you seen the movie the Hangover? 4 days in Vegas and it might make you think worst-case scenario...hehe.
Agreed, gambling is the biggest thing to worry about. Set a budget. 4 days is a long time for Vegas, he will be dying to come home when it is all over.
I live in Vegas and my FI is having a 4-day bachelor party here and is not telling me where exactly. Honestly, I don't care to know the details. I used to cocktail at a major strip hotel and casino and have seen so many bachelor and bachelorette parties. Honestly, your man will act however he normally acts. I think 4-days is way to much. Your guy will probably go so big the first night that he will be too hungover to do much else the rest of the time. And really, there is a ton of eye-candy - but those girls do not just walk up and have sex with randoms. They get paid! So unless your guy is already into those very bad things, I honestly doubt he will suddenly change and do them in 4 days in Vegas. He will gamble, drink, lay out by the pool, walk around... and think he wished you were with him the entire time. It's fine.
@ Snowflake: SO TRUE. My FI just got back from NO, as noted above, and he is staying in lately. I think he is partied out for a while. He isn't a home body at ALL, so him staying in for three nights in a row now is HUGE.
FIrst I will reply to the actual post...NO, if my FI was going to Vegas for 4 days, it wouldn't bother me..in fact I will be the one going to Vegas. When I asked him if he wanted to go to Vegas, he said Vegas wasn't his style because he wasn't into gambling..so you see gambling is most likely the first thing that pops into the heads of people going to Vegas...don't worry, while its true that all manner of things good and bad are available in Vegas..they are available everywhere.
Now for the indiebride post...really?? Larry seems like a total scumbag that was dressed in sheeps clothing...I definitely think that is the exception and not the norm...I'm not naive, I know what strippers do and that there will be boobies thrown in the faces of those who choose to hire one.
I do however think it was inappropriate to post that link here..it in no way answered the question the OP asked.
there's my two cents...
@veganglam- Oh my gosh, I just read that post out loud to my FI and HE was disgusted by it. I feel so bad for that girl to have to go through that. At least she is happy now!
I would not mind and my partner has been to bachelor parties and such - in fact he's been to Vegas so often. Plus he actually usally tells me all about them and honestly, nothing that horrific (I personally don't mind if he goes to strip clubs) - I am like the others and am just worried about the money being spent gambling!
You have to just trust his judgement I believe and not worry. The way I look at things is - your SO can do all kinds of things right under your nose if they really want to,Vegas or no Vegas.
My wedding is in Vegas and we are likely planning a coed "bachelor" party - I'm not personally interested in strippers really (I mean, the last time I was dragged to a male strip club I was actually discussing philosophy with one of the dancers the whole time - sitting on his lap, but still!)
As somebody who lived in Vegas for three years, I don't think there's really much to worry about. I guess you COULD have a crazy Hangover-style wild time if you really went looking for it, but I'd be willing to bet that your FI will just end up gambling, eating a lot, sitting by the pool, watching sports, having some drinks, and maybe smoking a cigar with his buddies.
My only issue with it is that I'm jealous.... haha. I think Mrs. Penguin wrote about this before about boys going all out for bachelor parties, which girls are much more low key/less expensive. FI is going to Vegas with his buddies, the girls are having a sleepover at my house.
My FI is going to Vegas for 4 days for his bachelor party over the 4th of July weekend. I will be going for 4 days the weekend after. I trust my FI and I believe him when he tells me they aren't going to a strip club.
Can't you ask your FI to stay away from strip clubs? A bachelor party CAN be just fun guy time without naked girls.
While I don't think men are perfect, either. I do think we should be able to trust them.
My FI just had his bachelor party in Vegas this weekend. It was 2 nights and 3 days. I was a bit jealous because my bachelorette is likely only going to be a one day (or one evening) shindig, but the fact that it was Vegas didn't bother me.
Going into it, he knew very well how I feel about strip clubs (absolutely not okay) and he and his friends respected that. They didn't have strippers or go to any clubs (FI isn't into the clubbing scene). Instead, they got drunk and gambled and sat by the pool. It was a nice reunion for him and 14 of his buddies, many of whom he doesn't see very often. I say don't worry about it - just make sure he knows what is/isn't ok with you, then trust him. I made sure to have my friends sleep over both nights so I wouldn't drive myself crazy. And FI was good about calling/texting a couple times a day, even though I never asked him to.
im going to Vegas for 3 days 2 nights with my girlfriends for my bach and i am SOOO excited. FI and I talked together about where we each want to go. He has been to Vegas like 20 times at least half of those times for bach parties. He has been to Chicago, Montreal, and NO for bach parties too so he is having his in Miami. I know he thinks strip clubs are a waste of money so I would not be at all worried about him going to one. Even if he did I would not care because I trust him 100%.
I know normally he and friends DO NOT go to strip clubs. They gamble, go to the pools, and go out for nice expensive dinners. I know one time they went to a shooting range and he's gone to a few shows/concerts while out there.
Virginia - I don't care where the boys go - if they want to see boobies, they'll see them anywhere! I wouldn't be worried about Vegas in particular. The thing i'll say is that it's probably not a good idea - FOR THEIR LIVERS AND WELL BEING! They will be so, so tired when they get back. 4 days is LONG for Vegas. I'd bet that they'll go there, be all VEGAS BABY!!!, joke about throwing a mattress off their hotel roof, stay out all night and black out on the first night, then continue trying to revive themselves and drink thru their hangovers the rest of the time. He might consider a shorter time span, or take off a day or two when he gets back. He will probably confine himself to your house for a week when he returns, haha.
That seems like a long party, although I suppose it's a long way to go for 2-3 days. Are you less than happy for him because of another reason like the expense?
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