(Closed) Would you be irritated?

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: a family member is using our officiant, the same officiant who helped us create a personal ceremony
    It's a big deal...I'd be upset and annoyed : (2 votes)
    2 %
    It's not a big deal, but I can see how it can be irritating and a little off-putting : (15 votes)
    12 %
    Not a big deal at all, take it as a compliment! : (56 votes)
    46 %
    Not a big deal at all, that wouldn't even register to me! : (50 votes)
    41 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    Really it’s not a big deal, at all. The officiant isn’t going to do your same wedding for her. 😛 Like you said, she makes it individual for each couple. Do you want her to have a cookie cutter officiant so it’s nothing like your wedding at all?

    Post # 4
    Member
    9552 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m not sure how to vote. I don’t think it would really register to me. But I can also understand that it seems to be a really important part of your day so you’re a little protective. But in the end I don’t think it really matters too much if or why it makes you a bit uncomfortable, because you can’t really call dibs and as you’ve said, it will likely be a very different ceremony. So give yourself permission to feel a bit uncomfortable and then get over it and be happy that your friend is getting an awesome officiant!

    Post # 5
    Member
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    The officiant is just like any other vendor, and she can do business with whomever she wants; and your family member is welcome to spend her money with whatever vendors she chooses. While you may have had some very strong emotions during your ceremony, at its most basic level your relationship with the officiant is a business relationship. It’s not a personal relationship. I think you need to separate your emotions from the reality of it all.  This is absolutely not worth getting your feelings hurt over.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2543 posts
    Sugar bee

    It’s not a huge deal (in the sense that you shouldn’t let it ruin your memories of your own day) but I can DEFINITELY see why you’d be irritated and off-put by it. Some friends of ours copied elements of our wedding for their own and it really hurt my feelings so I can understand. *Hugs* 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1086 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    It wouldn’t bother me at all. Not in the slightest. They can use everything I use at the wedding after I’m done, I’ll even give them my decorations if it will make them happy

    Post # 9
    Member
    11352 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @MrsDrRose612:  I wouldn’t be too concerned about this.  As you noted, because of this officiant’s very detailed approach to creating highly personalized ceremonies for couples, his or her wedding events likely are going to be far more tailored to each couple, and, therefore, different, than they would have been had you simply shared the services of the same family pastor or priest.

    Post # 10
    Member
    274 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    stay calm, and carry on. I wouldn’t be mad at all, how could you?

    It’s as if you would be mad at her for choosing the same doctor, it’s silly

    Post # 12
    Member
    9061 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I wouldn’t even notice except for the, “Hey, isn’t that the person who married us?” Then I’d shrug and care about something else for a while.

    Post # 13
    Member
    194 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @MrsDrRose612:  My sister picked the same officiant as me, after I picked him, and is getting married before me. Neither of us care. He was obviously the best for the job. Why should either of us have to go with 2nd best?

    Yes you sound crazy. I get the vibe from your first post that you do not want your family member to have as special/memorable wedding ceremony as you, and honestly that makes me think you’re a bit of a post-bridezilla. She has every right to have as special and memorable wedding as you, and should not have to pick 2nd best just because you had her first. It is very wrong and immature of you to even be having these thoughts.

    People are allowed to have special weddings. Stuff like this reminds me of little girls stamping their feet because their friend also had ponies at her birthday party when she had ponies first. You only get one day for your wedding, making it anything less than what you want just because someone else did it first, is crazy. Expecting it of someone else is even crazier. No one will care about your wedding after it is over except you and your husband.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3626 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I get where you are coming from actually. Our officiant doesn’t do very many weddings and she’s very near and dear to us. When DH once said that he would consider hiring her for SIL’s wedding (if and when that happens), I was a little annoyed too. However, in the end, I figured that most people won’t remember and everything else about my wedding is so awesome (haha) that the officiant is just part of the day. In the long run, it’s okay if they have the same vendors as you.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from and why you feel the way you do. If you felt ceremony was so unique I’m thinking you don’t want to share that with a family member since most likely your family member will have many of the same guests as you did. The guests at you wedding may have commented on how beautiful and tailor made the ceremony was and those same guests might do the same at your family members wedding. Because the officient makes each couples ceremony personal their’s will be nothing like yours but it’s more like you did something special for your wedding and want to keep it to yourself. You’re going to have to find a way to let this go because for as much as you’d like to say “No, you can’t use our officient…she’s ours”!!, you can’t.

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