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Hi! I'm assuming you're engaged and the date is set? Did your FSIL know that's where you wanted to get married? I'm sorry she stole your thunder..
I would be really hurt too and super pissed!! I can kind of relate as I got engaged first and FSIL saw my ring (didn't even congratulate me) and then her BF gave her the same ring when he proposed!! I will admit I was (and still am) furious!!
Oh yah, I would be upset. For sure. Can you have your fiance talk to her? I think it would be best if he was the one communicating in this sticky situation. Obviously, you two can't have weddings on back to back weekends. You were engaged first, you should get to choose your date first.
Assuming she knew the date and location of your wedding, it's TOTALLY wrong what she did. You could be the bigger person and just let it go, OR (since you don't have any deposits down) change the date and book your wedding the week before hers.
Either way, I'd keep any future wedding plans under wraps.
The other thing that's notable about her decision is that assuming she takes a standard honeymoon, doesn't that mean she won't be able to go to her brother's wedding? That's pretty rude.
EW I'd be soooooo pissed. If she knew the deets on your wedding, she needs to change her date AND her venue. That is beyond rude. If she didn't know then you still might try to have a conversation with her about changing her plans, but if she's got deposits down and you don't you're pretty much forced to change your plans, which really sucks but if you don't have anything actually reserved and she does then, sadly, she's got the upper hand in the situation.
im confused-you said you hadnt put deposits down after two years, but she booked the weekend before and the place?? were you penciled in there or something?
I am also a bit confused too. You didn't book the venue yet?
I agree that it totally sucks that she did what she did... BUT....
#1 - if you didn't book it, then sorry, but it's up for grabs
#2 - as they say in SATC - you get a DAY, not a year, not a month, not a week. A DAY.
That being said, I would be pissed too. I can't imagine things will be all that friendly between the two of you, but at least she didn't snag your actual day. I would keep all future plans under wraps
WOW - That's just a bitchy ass thing for her to do. Even if it wasnt consecutive weekends, I would be pissed if someone had the same venue as me within the same family. However, she is your sister in law, so it's not like you share the same family - however, his family will be going to the same place twice.
That's just F-D UP! Have you talked to her about it - how did your fiancees mom not see a problem with offering the house to her the weekend before yours - I get its her daughter, but didnt she know you were having it there? And FSIL knew as well?
If I were you b/c I would be super pissed and thinking people would be bored of the venue after already attending a wedding there the weekend before - I would look for another venue or confront her about it (although i doubt she'll change b/c its her mom's house) however its your fiancees mom's house and its his wedding and thats her son - so he has the same right.
Not cool at all.
Flaimingred- good point! Why is FI's mom allowing this? Sounds like you had everything set, and she should be at least slightly concerned about your feelings!
Your FSIL is totally in the wrong. I would NEVER do that to a family member, or even a friend. I understand that brides don't get a week, or a month ... they get a day, but honestly, when much of the same family is involved, the polite thing to do would have been to one, let you have your wedding first, and two, either have her wedding at the same location several months later, or pick a different venue for a wedding a few months after yours.
I'm sorry, hun. That's really awful.
It is a LOT of work to host a wedding at your home, and I can't understand why anyone would want to do that two weekends in a row.
The only thing I can imagine happening is that since you switched the date and did not book any of the vendors for the new date, perhaps your MIL did not think you were certain about the new date. Even if that is what she was thinking, she absolutely should have called you to check the status of your plans when her daughter decided to have a similar wedding.
What does your FI think about all of this? Since it is his family that is behaving very insensitively, it really should be his responsibility to talk to them to see what is happening if he agrees with you.
That's a super sticky topic. I'd talk to FI first, no doubt. Good luck!
So your future SIL is getting married at her parent's house? (I'm trying to put it all together). Understanding that your feelings are hurt, it's a tough topic. But, they're brother and sister and both have the same 'right' to get married at their parents house. The timing was a bit tacky, imo, but i feel certain you can make a BEAUTIFUL wedding that is UNIQUE to you. Keep your details close to you (so she doesn't steal them!) and luckily you get to see her wedding first so you can tweak as need be.
Don't let it get you down!
Ok, I think I am the minority, but I think the fact that it's at your FMIL's house on 11 acres makes it a bit better. I mean, there is SOOO much opportunity to make everything unique, special and all your own! Your FMIL is obviously going to allow her OWN daughter to use her property just as she would allow her son to. Yes, it is rude that she is doing it the week before, but I had my reception at the same venue 3 weeks before a friend of mine and didn't see a problem with that. What is the big deal about using the same location? If anything, make your wedding super fab and show her up!
Sorry - so terrible! :(
I think you should just plan for April 10 (we'd be April 10 twins:)). It's a meaningful day for you and your fiance. Send out STDs now, before your FSIL has a chance!:) Try talking to her and seeing if she would consider moving the date. I'd bring up these points:
1. Your FMIL would have way too much cleaning/preparing to do, two weekends in a row.
2. As another person pointed out, April 4 is Easter, so people might be out of town. My mom's pastor said that he is extremeley busy for Easter weekend, and wouldn't be available (not that I asked, but he was just making sure that we wouldn't try to change the date to that weekend). Does she have a plan for who will officiate the wedding?
You'd feel better knowing that you talked with her, rather than just sulking. I hope that she sees how upset she's made you, and changes the date.
I would be really upset too if this happened to me.
That said, no way would I change my plans because of someone else. You get one day for your wedding, that's it. Life is always going to be there to get in the way, whether it is in the form of another wedding, or a baby, or a big move, or a deployment, etc. I do not recommend you do any underhanded tactics to get her to change her day or location. Just do what you want for your wedding and don't worry about her. 11 acres is more than enough room to have some individuality. Good luck and you are going to be fine!
oh boy... thats pretty messed up of her. dont wait another year though! youre going to just well up with resentment every day that goes by! and dont worry that its at the same place-i think thats really sweet that youre getting married at his moms place-and you can make it so unique!
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I have been planning my wedding for 2 years now... mainly collecting small things but thankfully havent put any deposits down because my future sister-in-law got engaged in April and decided to have her wedding the weekend before mine at the same place as me!! Does any one else think this is wrong?? I am really hurt!!
***She was well aware of my engagement and the date and place of our wedding... I have decided to change my wedding to a whole year later but that sucks because I have been engaged for 1 1/2 years already and she just got engaged 4 months ago!! And regagrding comment #6 ... My fiance works weekends so that was a big thing that made me upset too!! How does she expect her brother to get 2 weekends in a row off along with our honeymoon?!?! Its just really upsetting and I needed to vent!!
*** We were engaged in july 2007 but decided to do our wedding 04/10/2010 because 04/10 was our original anniversary... so I had centerpieces decor bridesmaid gifts...all the ittle stuff and had just started talking to local caterers and this happened!! I found this out 6 weeks ago and still didnt know what I wanted to do until this last week. I just put everything on hold.
*** The place we were planning on getting married at was my fiances moms house she owns 11 acres in the country... sooo... no actual deposit or booking was needed for the venue